I just found out on my own that my H has been cheating with his physical therapist. I originally found the retainer deposit for a divorce attorney on his computer and didn’t know about the affair on May 29th. I wasn’t looking, accidentally found it. We went to the park on May 30th and talked about how he’s been thinking about D for years and have been trying to make it work off and on for years. Said I never give him attention, he always maws the first move? and when he does, it feels like I don’t really want him. That we have a hard time making conversation and that I don’t like his friends and family. That we don’t fit. Been married for 20 years and have 3 grown kids that are amazing. After talking at the park, we agreed to go for the D because I don’t want to be with anyone that doesn’t want to be with me.
On May 31st, I was sitting at his desk and noticed two pieces of paper each taped up, but I can see my name through one of them. I opened the documents and saw that he was comparing me and this other woman since February. How he was "early dating" her. I then started noticing how he has been coming home very late and spends at least 2 hours 2x a week at pt. I didn’t think anything of it because I trusted him.
On June 1st I fired a big long text to him while I was at work. Talking about how he cheated on me with the ot and how he is not a good person. That his reasons for wanting to leave were so easily resolved if he communicated better.
I came home and we talked about my text and about our relationship more . After spending two hours at the park and then another 4 hours at home talking about it more, he realized that he may have not known the full reason as to why I couldn’t give him everything he needed. He said he was very sad and borderline depressed be causes he was so unhappy in the marriage. He couldn’t tell me he wanted the divorce sooner because there was so much going on in our home life. He was just waiting for the right time. But he decided for sure in March before he told the PT he was interested in her and gave her a kiss on March 19 after pt ended. They stayed late 30 minutes after pt ended to have so called "mini dates" where they talked and made out. Never had full blown S.
As you can tell by all the exact dates, he has since wanted to seek counseling to fix our problem because he had new information as to why I couldn’t give him everything he needed in a relationship. He filled out a timeline of the affair and we’re supposed to go to court his Friday.
Currently I vein more affectionate, making the first move and starting conversations. He’s now telling me where he’s going and answering all my questions about the OW over and over and in explicit details as I ask them.
I am trying and I know the reasons why he even entertained another woman. The reason the relationship ended was because she didn’t want to go to another relationship because she thought it would hurt her oldest twin girls because she is on her third marriage and her two oldest kids are already damaged enough from her past relationships. I can’t get over the feeling that maybe we wouldn’t be reconciling has she said yes.
We go round and round about if he was happy he wouldn’t have wanted a divorce and pursued her. He sought counseling and made sure to keep both things very separate that he really wanted the divorce outside independent of his feelings for the PT. That it was just the timings of everything of how things went he is not proud of.
Sorry for rambling? but I keep thinking about their relationship and the OT woman. I’m trying to work with him to see if this relationship is repairable because we both are scared of putting more time into something that is not meant to be.
