The recent discussions have highlighted certain aspects of myself, and I'm wondering if it's just me, or if others feel the same way. Some weeks after dday1, STBWX mentioned that during his affair, he was hoping I'd met someone and started sleeping with them. I told him the thought of anyone other than him touching me made me want to throw up.
Even now, 6 weeks away from our divorce being official, more than a year of living separately, and probably 2 years since I've had any kind of intimate physical contact with anyone, the thought of someone touching me that way creeps me out. When I try to imagine/fantasize about it, I get turned off. Don't get me wrong - I no longer want STBWX's touch either! That is a HUGE turnoff at this point, but I can't picture myself with anyone.
One of the unfathomable aspects of his affair was how he could get sexually involved with someone else. I asked him why he wasn't repulsed the way I was. He said that he felt "a little weird" about it, and that's why they took things very slowly on the physical front, but it wasn't enough to stop him. And of course, he's been sleeping with someone new since January.
In my case, I'm still so put off by it all that I won't even consider dating. My friends keep asking. LOL! I don't think it's just that I'm "demi-sexual" (that I need an emotional connection first) - there are a couple single men in my social circle, and I can't imagine them as anything other than friends.
This isn't to say that I don't find people attractive. I do! But I have no interest in actually being with them. Am I super weird?
