Your are not supposed to feel anything.
The fact is when you decide to stay you might do so hoping in an outcome, reconciling what was broken by infidelity with the decision to stay and keep sharing a life together.
The only thing that matters in this process is the healing of your trauma and pain, so you can recover from it and return to your centered function as before the betrayal at the very least, if not even in a better place where you can reach peace and integration.
Do you feel like you reached that stage yet?
About your wife, what she seems to be doing is to work on her then unresolved flaws that allowed her to cheat.
From what you said it seems she made good progress in her healing journey and that she reached some level of integration where her past choices now feel disgusting and repulsive to her in a genuine way, not a performative one.
Does this reflect your observation or she is still in an earlier stage of recovery?
Do you talk about what you feel for each other, does she show up for you consistently and bring up of her own initiative her feelings about now and what used to be?
Was she owning the infidelity and coming clean with no reservations or she tries to keep it compartmentalized and hidden from your daily life, only confronting it if she is forced by you?
Do you actually feel you miss something from her that she is not willingly giving you unless asked?
Do you need it or you just don’t want it, don’t care anymore?
I understand you tried to reconcile, how you think it went/ is going?
The Affair Partner comparison is crushing in the beginning, but he is a worthless person in your life with no power over you, your relationship or your life, beside that temporary moment when she gave him free pass to burn all to the ground, he can’t touch you, he doesn’t even rank on the scale, there’s no point to compare him to you as he is not a contender, he was just a thief snuck in your life from the service door.
I think these are some points that may help you to get clarity where you stand emotionally right now. If this is an integrated conclusion and you finally realized that you don’t want her anymore, or if this isn’t perhaps just another down in the rollercoaster of infidelity recovery.
