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This thought popped into my head the other day, here's the timeline:

About 5mo.s after Dday I told my WH that I was taking about 5 days away to a hotel (ended up going to an AirBnB--big mistake but that's a story for another time) because I just needed to get away and really think.

He said that he would "really appreciate" if I DIDN'T do that, because he was afraid if I left, I might not want to come back.

2 days before leaving, I caught him in another lie (he was working on a project 2 hours away at the time he was cheating, so he stayed there in a trailer and I had asked him if she knew where he was living at the time and had they had sex there. He told me no to both, that they always met at her place. This night it came up and I asked again, this time he said yes, she knew where he was living and they had had sex there. I immediately told him that he had lied to me then. He responded with another convoluted lie and didn't back down.)

The next day I was packing to leave and he came into the room when he got home from work and continued to lie and refuse to admit that he had lied to begin with. I kept packing and was so done, I stopped communicating with him because what was the point? Finally, after almost an hour, he admitted he had lied and that he just panicked when I caught him in it, blah, blah, blah. Then asked me again not to leave, that he would do whatever I wanted, including go to therapy (which he had refused to do because he "didn't need to deal with the affair", only I "needed to deal with the affair). I kept packing and he actually made two appointments immediately.

On day 4 of me taking time for myself, he called and left a message saying it was urgent (I wasn't allowed my phone where I worked, so usually I just left it in my vehicle). I got the message on my break, but didn't really have time to call him back, so I called back on my lunch break. He told me that he had lost his job. That the construction company he was working for (small and family owned) was not doing well and the owner let him go that day, no notice, nothing.

Now, out of the blue, I'm wondering if he didn't actually just quit because he thought he was losing me and it wasn't looking good for him and he needed to create something that might bring us together to figure out and get through, or some such nonsense. Also, we had talked about moving closer to DD2 states away and this was now a possibility (as he a few days later, suggested that he look for a new job in that state).

So, am I crazy to think this? Or is it possible? There really is no point in asking him now, it doesn't matter (still working on getting my ducks in a row, still haven't found a job!), but I can't get the thought out of my head! Could he really be that diabolical? Be that desperate? But then why not put that effort into becoming a better partner? IDK, maybe I'm overthinking it. And like I said, I guess it doesn't really matter at this point.

I don't have a lot of time because I have to run, but I just wanted to let you know that I don't think you're crazy.

I also think it kinda does matter because if he did quit he just lied to you. Again. And I think I'd start thinking about other paths as far as the future goes.

Can you contact the business and ask?

Pogre:

This happened back in 2019 and I am in the process of trying to get myself financially secure. I am done trying to R, that's why I don't think it's important at this point. Yeah, it would be another lie, I'd just throw it on the pile. I'm working on finding happiness in my life that have nothing to do with him. It was just a thought that I never considered. At the time, I was barely functioning. But my god, it's truly insane to think it's a possibility. I have no idea who I married if he's capable of that.

My instinct, based on the behaviors of my WXH over many years, is that your WH decided to "self destruct" and so whatever happened, it is probably related to your leaving. Sadly typical of a certain personality. I'm glad to see it is long ago and not recent.

Good that is behind you.

You are probably right, what it’s glaring is his lack of remorse, evident in how he was managing you doing just enough to keep you hooked and possibly codependent.

The moment he realized he didn’t control you he freaked out. Doing what you asked and need, but even then, it would be just been the bare minimum most likely.

If he was fired he would have gotten unemployment income. Check your tax return

WB1340

If he was fired he would have gotten unemployment income. Check your tax return

I handle all the finances, so unless he had a secret bank account, I would know if there was any unemployment deposits. He never even applied for it. TBH, it didn't even occur to me that he should apply for unemployment.

I don't remember what the company's name was, just the first name of the owner. But I could probably find it. If I'm that invested in finding the truth. I doubt he would tell me if I asked, and that might close down some avenues. Hmm, now I'm really wanting to know, just to know!

I might ask about the unemployment, just to see his reaction.

A WS who refuses to be open and honest about everything and anything is not truly remorseful and R is almost impossible

Trickle truth and lies reset the R to day one every time they happen

It sounds like your husband is not 100% committed to trying to fix the damage he caused. I truly remorseful WS would do anything to save the relationship

No, you're not crazy. Considering every possible angle is actually the sane and wise approach to dealing with a lying cheater! Especially an unremorseful, unrepentant repeat offender. So sorry you're still untangling this years later. Yes, it does matter at this point because you need to protect yourself while executing your exit strategy. Recognizing what he is capable of will help inform divorce planning, and hopefully help motivate you to get the heck out of this unsafe relationship. And, knowledge is power!

Here's another possible scenario - maybe he wasn't "let go" because the company wasn't doing well - maybe he was fired - for entertaining floozies on the job site and because his attention wasn't focused on getting the job done, but (ahem) directed elsewhere (?).

Laid off or fired, he would've been eligible for unemployment. Unless he did resign, or they paid him under the table to avoid paying into unemployment insurance, etc.

ETA: Best wishes for your job search......gentle reminder: 1/2 the money/marital property is YOURS. Child/spousal support are options. You may not be financially flush, but you'd be safer. Have you talked to a lawyer? Is it in your best interest to protect your (and the kids) emotional wellbeing by leaving this emotionally abusive situation ASAP rather than waiting for the ducks to get lined up? You mentioned moving - maybe moving (without him) will provide more job opportunities as well as move the separation along? Just a thought....know that leaving is one of the most challenging (and scary), yet bravest things you'll ever do for yourself and the kids. You are doing great.Keep wrangling those ducks! Hoping the best for you Fournlau.

[This message edited by BoundaryBuilder at 6:48 PM, Sunday, July 19th]