Hindsight. Hindsight tells me that I should have piqued my interest when she said, nonchalantly, “I think I want to take Spanish lessons.” This announcement came on the heals of weeks and weeks of dancing classes; Salsa, Flamenco and of course the late nights that go along with them. The same dance lessons, that she would go twice weekly to, getting herself all dolled up, make-up, sexy clothes and heels, a new wardrobe that I funded. I remember saying once (and thinking more than once), you haven’t put this type of effort in for me in a long time. She laughed it off saying if I wanted her to dress up, then I would have to take her somewhere. This is the same woman that used to put make-up on to go to bed and a far cry from the comfy clothes and no make-up I got everyday. I reminded her that she got to go on numerous vacations with me, and never once looked like she does for these dance lessons.
Honestly, I never even questioned anything. Even when she came to me months later and said that the girls were planning a trip to Spain and would it be Ok if she went. It seemed like a nature progression and I trusted her, so why not.
16 years of marriage and I never had to question myself over any of her decisions, or where she was going, what she was doing and whom she was doing these things with, because I trusted her.
I would be lying if I said that I never had fleeting moments where I questioned what was going on but I was happy that she had something, anything to do with herself and the “friends” that she was meeting, and I trusted her.
D-Day for me and me alone, came when she was getting out of the shower over 4 months ago. She asked me to look up something for her on my phone, but my phone was dead so I headed downstairs to use her computer. She asked where I was going and I told her I was going to use her computer because my phone was dead, and as I was half way down the stairs and she screamed “No” and came flying down the hall and stairs to beat me to her computer. She told me that I couldn’t see her computer because she was looking for an extra special birthday present for me a didn’t want me to see. I knew something was up but I played along like I didn’t….but I knew it then and there.
I hate to admit it but, I googled “Steps to take when you suspect your wife is cheating” and found a bunch of useless information. Most of them were about feelings, coming to grips with your feelings and confronting your spouse with your suspicions…seriously what good is confronting your spouse when you only have suspicions and you have already been lied to on a daily basis? I decided that I need to gather evidence. I bought a digital voice recorder, I downloaded the car’s GPS locations for the past 6 months, I installed text recovery for her phone and key logger for her computer. I was not ready for what these things told me.
The GPS told me that there was one location she was visiting on Tuesday and Thursday nights and some daytime hours as well (when she was supposed to be volunteering). The VR I slipped into her purse before her Spanish lesson told me that I didn’t need an interpreter to understand what was being said. The text recovery for her phone told me she had more things to say to him in the last 8 months than she has said to me.
I literally had no idea it was going on to this extent. The planning, the intimate conversations, the professing of love. All I can think about is her being with him, having this level of intimacy and then coming home to me and acting like the loving wife.
In one conversation, she mentioned that I had changed recently and that she suspected that I was catching on. He calmed her down and told her that they were being careful and she should not worry to much. They continued with the plans for a Spanish holiday using the bank of me.
She goes on her trip soon. You should hear the lies, we are all going her to see this and we are all planning on having dinner here and we are going to spend one day and night in this little village (his hometown), and all the while thinking that she is putting something over on me.
So now I am wondering what to do? I have this urge to go full revenge mode on her and cancel credit cards before she lands and text her that I know everything, but I am worried how it will reflect on me during divorce proceedings?
My attorney says I should confront and try an amicable dissolution but I want a bit of shock and awe. I mean I had to endure it so why shouldn’t she?
Just for clarity,reconciliation is out of the question, I am not interested in lowering my self-respect. To those that have been through this, how merciless can you be without having it affect you in court? What should I do? Confront now and manage the fallout?
