Return to Forum List

Return to Just Found Out

SurvivingInfidelity.com® > Just Found Out

You are not logged in. Login here or register.

Hindsight

Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25

Sharkman posted 5/20/2017 08:40 AM

She's an adult. Actions have consequences. It's not even a dispute that a likely direct result of one partner unilaterally ending the marriage through infidelity is that the marriage ends as abruptly legally.

There isn't even a counterpoint to this. She's decided on another man and he's being gracious by allowing her to take that path all the while simply just protecting him and his child's assets.

Is there some weird shade-of-grey universe where this isn't true?

Marriagesucks posted 5/20/2017 10:42 AM

T/J

And I am a bit surprised at the cheers and "Way to go"s from the majority of posters.
I just feel sad to see so many people "rejoice" in another's pain, even when it is deserved.
And what pain are you refering to that others are cheering to WhatsRight? The pain of a cheater that can no longer afford to pay for her trip of a lifetime with her BF? All I see is another cheater that got caught. The only difference being that the BH has deep pockets. I would venture to guess that most if not all here would do the same and perhaps more if they had the opportunity to do so. The BS reading this have the chance to live vicariously through the actions of YHGTBKM.

On another note, the people that are posting here are doing it to help YHGTBKM... NOT his estranged wife. If YHGTBKM wants to point his WW to SI for help (though I don't recommend it for obvious reasons) she would be more than welcome to but I doubt she would get much sentiment for her cause.

End T/J

Jaci02 posted 5/20/2017 11:51 AM

Also a point, which stands out alot is that OP jad a pre-nup with infidelity claus and renewd it year after year, known to his WW.
She knew that he won't spend alot on her if she is going to jump into the sheets with another men. She knew it damn well before but as it seems she didn't care that much.
And in my own opinion its pretty cruel to actually letting her have the 5-star love resort , sight seeing and spa treatments with her boyfriend. I assume he payed for his own honeymoon and its so cruel to assume he should pay another "honeymoon" for his wife and her boyfriend.
If it should be that way,I'm going to ask just a friend of mine to pay for my honeymoon with my SO. I'm pretty sure my friend would think I'm nuts to just considering she would pay for my SO and me.

swmnbc posted 5/20/2017 12:13 PM

I disagree with the sentiment that this infidelity is any more egregious than other infidelity because she was paying for it with "his" dime. She was paying for it with *their* dime. They are still married, and she is not an employee of his whose sole job is to be a good wife. She is an equal partner regardless of who earns the paycheck. Otherwise, the converse would be true for a SAHM BW like me . . . the infidelity was on *his* dime so I guess I can't complain.

Marriagesucks posted 5/20/2017 12:58 PM

But it is especially scandalous that the WS is spending family moneys for a trip of a lifetime that most can only dream about... with her boy toy that her BH would never have approved of if he had known this was going to be the outcome of the trip. If I had pulled that on my wife I would expect upon my return to be sleeping on my stomache for some time to come.

GoldenR posted 5/20/2017 13:10 PM

It's one thing to pay for a hotel for a tryst with an AP. It's another thing entirely to pay for your AP to accompany you on an extravagant trip across the ocean, to include airfare, 5 star hotels and all the amenities that come with it.

And let's not forget....it was all done "on accident".

rambler posted 5/20/2017 15:30 PM

The only opinion will be that of a judge. The judge will follow the law.

Can you lock out your spouse from her legal residence. The answer is no.


Can you report your spouse's credit card as lost when it is not. The answer is no.

Can you close your joint accounts. The answer is yes.

Can you cancel your spouse's hotel reservation without their knowledge or approval. The answer is no.

My biggest concern is others reading this thread will think they can do this and either attempt this themselves or advise someone to do it.

What the WW can do.

On another board the WW did the following

Came home finding the locks changed. Saw an attorney who got an emergency order for entry into the home. She also got a TRO and the BH was forced by the local finest to leave immediately. He lived two days in his car before he could find someone to let him in. This is not something to play with.

His actions will not looked favorably by the court. This will impact custody.

If you can strand your wife and throw her out,it is reasonable to assume he could do this to DD if she does something he does not like.

Not only is he banishing his wife to a 650 ft apartmen with Carlos, he is sending his DD too.

My guess is the judge will award at least temporary support and her full custody. The courts do not play around with abuse.

Final note. If you are trying to stick it to your spouse do not document it in an email or text.

Drumstick posted 5/20/2017 17:48 PM

Rambler,

If you are the title holder, you are legally allowed to lock your spouse out of the house. What you cannot do, however, is attempt to stop your spouse from re-entering the property, once they've been locked out. If you do, then a TRO is likely to come your way. If I remember correctly, YHGTBKM holds the deed in this instance, and therefore within his right to lock out his WW. He cannot, however, attempt to stop her from re-entering.

YHGTBKM revoked his cosigner on his wife's credit card, on their joint account, which effectively shut it down. Being a joint, cosigned account, YHGTBKM is responsible for the bills, and therefore well within his right to shut it down by removing his cosigner. Perfectly legal.

Yes, YHGTBKM can remove 50% of any joint marital account, and even close it, like he did.

If the hotel reservations were made with YHGTBKM's credit card, he has all the right in the world to cancel the reservation. In any event, since YHGTBKM constructively cancelled his wife's credit card by removing his cosigner, he effectively canceled the hotel reservation in the event his wife's cosigned card was used to to make them.

If you are thinking that he stranded her, and a judge might not like this, all YHGTBKM needs to bring up is that he provided her enough money for her and her boy toy to travel out of Barcelona to a private resort on the north shore of Spain. If I remember correctly, YHGTBKM has cell phone data proving the foregoing. Not too destitute, IMHO.

As for custody, a smart person will have this set-out in the pre-nup, or amended into the pre-nup turned post-nup by amendment.

WhatsRight posted 5/20/2017 19:12 PM

I'm wanting to ask how you and your daughter are doing?

[This message edited by WhatsRight at 7:12 PM, May 20th (Saturday)]

rambler posted 5/20/2017 20:09 PM

Custody can not be set in a pre nup nor post nup that is an illegal clause and will be tossed out.

He reported her card lost.

If you change the locks a key must be provided.

Most

rambler posted 5/20/2017 20:34 PM

A decent lawyer will get the TRO when he or she gets the order to get her back in the home.

He can try and defend what he did but the email says he wanted to fuck her like she did to him. Intent is clear.

Western posted 5/20/2017 20:46 PM

Rambler, I disagree.

I think he didn't play it the best overall but I don't agree regarding your assessment of the custody and certainly the TRO argument.

While I advised OP regarding these things and it was ignored, the bottom line is that courts usually look down on actions that she took, even in states that are no fault.

She is on the uphill climb and his pre nup takes precedence.

In the end, he will win but there will be tough days and a big fight.

I hope he hands her her ass. But she's going to get a piece of the pie which she doesn't deserve.

I think you ignored the biggest part here, the pre-nup.

And BTW, i have been around the legal system for 24 years. Judges are all over the place. They don't always follow the law and put their personal opinion aside. This is a crap shoot.

I hope OP comes back with an update

Drumstick posted 5/20/2017 21:09 PM

Rambler,

If you are the only owner on the title, such as by agreement with a pre-nup, you DO NOT have to provide a set of keys to the spouse you have kicked out. You own the property, and without a lease, the removed person has no right to a set of keys, nor a license to enter the property. So, in this instance, the legal means for the WW to re-enter the property, assuming YHGTBKM doesn't acquiesce, is to go to court and obtain a judgment to re-enter the property.

Custody and child support CAN be written into both pre-nuptial and post-nuptial agreements; however, these clauses are not necessarily binding upon the court. That is, the court doesn't have to follow the agreed to terms. Nevertheless, the closer they are to the statutes, and common law, the more likely the judge will be to enforce the agreed to terms. It IS NOT illegal to place these terms in pre and post-nuptial agreements. Plus, any attorney worth their salt will utilize a standard "enforceability clause" in the agreement anyway.

I didn't realize that YHGTBKM reported the card lost. I'm not a 100% sure, but I don't think reporting a credit card stolen as lost is illegal as long as all charges through the time the card is reported lost are paid. The credit card company is not experiencing any loss, so the only party harmed would be the WW, and her lack of being able to continue spending money. In this instance however, YHGTBKM provided enough money to go to a four star resort along the north coast of Spain with the cash provided, so I don't really see much harm caused to his WW anyway.

Drumstick posted 5/20/2017 21:20 PM

Rambler,

In the instance where one spouse holds title to the property, such as by pre-nup, the TRO is only possible if YHGTBKM's wife first goes to court to obtain a judgment to re-enter the property, and YHGTBKM still forbids her from re-entering the property. Thus, it would be wise for YHGTBKM to acquiesce if his WW goes this route.

It's possible that in the situation you mentioned from the other board that the home was a marital asset, and therefore the BH had no clear right to lockout his WW. In this instance, the WW can get the TRO to get back into the property since the BH didn't own the home outright.

Just a thought.

brittleheart posted 5/20/2017 21:21 PM

swmnbc - as a fellow SAHM and BW, I'm so pleased someone has finally said this, as it was troubling me - the idea that the money earned by the OP is solely his and the wife has no right to it. I may be appalled with the way she is spending THEIR money, but that is beside the point. I assume it may be emotions talking.
Also, YHGTBKM, there is one thing you said early on that I thought may help us understand the dynamics of your relationship a little better. You said, "I was older when we met and married." Is this why your sense of betrayal - and determination for revenge - is so overwhelming? That you started a new life with her and now she has turned on you? (I apologise in advance if I have misunderstood what you meant).

HouseOfPlane posted 5/21/2017 00:00 AM

YHGTBKM, you've been heard, and respect for your actions. I'll throw in my 2 cents of advice.

If you've read the healing library, you'll read about the 180. This is a process of detaching from the WW, and it has a goal of detaching you from manipulation and putting you in control of your life. It is advocated for BS who are trying to convince the WS to come back, putting them at the mercy of the WS. The opposite of detachment.

Revenge is also the opposite of detachment. You are binding your satisfaction to their actions still, just in a different way. People reading this thread were all excited to hear of her woes. We wanted something, and wanted her to give it to us. Sounds like she did. But she may not be done.

The old saying that if you seek revenge you should dig two graves...that is the wisdom of the ages.

So consider just detaching. Work to let go of the emotion, and let the head lead.It's a business process to part ways. Be as amicable as possible. Just cut her loose.

Sending strength!

Drumstick posted 5/21/2017 00:14 AM

Rambler,

I finally had a chance to review the Nemeth v. Nemeth case you cited. I don't think it applies to this situation, even if YHGTBKM lives in South carolina, or a state with like-minded divorce laws.

The BH filed for divorce based on adultery, and fought his alimony payment due to it. Like I mentioned before, condonation applies to cases filed under adultery, and YHGTBKM should just file for a no-fault divorce and enact his pre-nup to overcome the allegations that he accepted his WW's adultery.

Moreover, the Nemeth case wasn't really about condonation. The WW never alleged that the BH condoned her affair. This is why the citation you see in this case is very brief, and not more encompassing regarding the metes and bounds of what constitutes condonation in South Carolina. To better understand the boundaries, read through pages 6-10 of the following South Carolina appellate court case:

https://www.sccourts.org/opinions/HTMLFiles/COA/5287.pdf

There, on page 8, you will see that a few primary cases from the supreme Court of South Carolina discuss that:

"Nevertheless, condonation is 'primarily a state of mind,' id. at 238, 262 S.E.2d at 733, the existence of which concerns whether the
evidence shows the injured spouse forgave the offending spouse. See McLaughlin, 244 S.C. at 272, 136 S.E.2d at 540."

In other words, condonation is in the mind of the of the betrayed spouse, and the evidence utilized by the WS must demonstrate that the BS forgave them.

As far as I can tell, YHGTBKM has not forgiven his WW. Just because he knew about it for a little while, doesn't mean

Drumstick posted 5/21/2017 00:14 AM

Rambler,

I finally had a chance to review the Nemeth v. Nemeth case you cited. I don't think it applies to this situation, even if YHGTBKM lives in South carolina, or a state with like-minded divorce laws.

The BH filed for divorce based on adultery, and fought his alimony payment due to it. Like I mentioned before, condonation applies to cases filed under adultery, and YHGTBKM should just file for a no-fault divorce and enact his pre-nup to overcome the allegations that he accepted his WW's adultery.

Moreover, the Nemeth case wasn't really about condonation. The WW never alleged that the BH condoned her affair. This is why the citation you see in this case is very brief, and not more encompassing regarding the metes and bounds of what constitutes condonation in South Carolina. To better understand the boundaries, read through pages 6-10 of the following South Carolina appellate court case:

https://www.sccourts.org/opinions/HTMLFiles/COA/5287.pdf

There, on page 8, you will see that a few primary cases from the supreme Court of South Carolina discuss that:

"Nevertheless, condonation is 'primarily a state of mind,' id. at 238, 262 S.E.2d at 733, the existence of which concerns whether the
evidence shows the injured spouse forgave the offending spouse. See McLaughlin, 244 S.C. at 272, 136 S.E.2d at 540."

In other words, condonation is in the mind of the of the betrayed spouse, and the evidence utilized by the WS must demonstrate that the BS forgave them.

As far as I can tell, YHGTBKM has not forgiven his WW. Just because he knew about it for a little while, doesn't mean

Drumstick posted 5/21/2017 00:22 AM

Damn, hit the submit button by accident.

Nevertheless, none of the evidence provided by YHGTBKM suggests he forgave his wife for her adultery. Instead, it suggests he discovered his wife's affair, gathered evidence to enact the fidelity clause in the pre-nup, and then enacted his right to divorce. The position that he has not forgiven his wife is further demonstrated in his text to his wife while she was traveling to Spain. I don't see condonation.

In any event, condonation doesn't really matter since he is not filing under adultery, and is instead utilizing his pre-nup.

Sincerely,
Drumstick

nlwsrw posted 5/21/2017 11:56 AM

YHJT******....I am for grinding her face into the Spanish dust for as long as she stays in Spain....

Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25

Return to Forum List

Return to Just Found Out

© 2002-2020 SurvivingInfidelity.com ®. All Rights Reserved.     Privacy Policy