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Hindsight

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BrokenheartedUK posted 6/6/2017 08:28 AM

I failed to mention that my STBEXW fell off the rails and stalked me (camping out in front of the house) break and enter (climbed through a window at night) and threats of custodial kidnapping

I thought that this might be coming and from here on in you need to be very careful and start documenting everything. And you should seek legal advice on how to best protect yourself from this. You do not need the drama on top of everything else.

You're doing great. Hang in there. But also give yourself some space to grieve.

HopeFloats2272 posted 6/6/2017 08:43 AM

DonJuan is obviously missing his steady cash flow. He's trying to figure out a way to get it directly from you or he'll just con her out of everything she has.

I'm sorry you've been victim-blamed. That shit makes my blood boil.

TimSC posted 6/6/2017 09:50 AM

I think I would have stopped the "yearly marriage" compensation on the day that she first cheated years ago. After all, that is when your wife left the marriage. You just did not know it until recently.

betrayedagain799 posted 6/6/2017 11:59 AM

This post made my day! Usually the BS is the one who gets screwed. Finally a WS received some well deserved justice!

Jduff posted 6/6/2017 12:19 PM

Honestly I haven't told anyone of my close friends about this as it is extremely embarrassing

Completely understandable. Many of us betrayed men felt the same way after our own initial Dday for a variety of reasons. It can be an image issue, maybe just not being a very open individual to avoiding the "I told you so". Whatever the reasons though many of us find benefit in total acceptance of what occurred and sharing the thoughts and feelings from that experience with close friends and family. It takes some of us men some time to find the strength to open up and talk about it face to face with them. In my experience I found that after telling those close friends of mine what my XW did that they admired very much how I handled the situation for myself and my kids, and let me tell you that I handled my own situation worse than you did yours.

Just don't ever think you are a failure to yourself or your daughter in the eyes of anyone because of what your STBXW did. That shit is all on your STBXW and she had options to address marital issues other than seeking attention outside the marriage. Hell, if anyone ought to be embarrassed it is your STBXW for years to come and I think your daughter will occasionally reminder her.

You know, one of the common reasons as part of the wayward's "why" is the fact that they seek in others what they themselves were lacking, and that the wayward incorrectly perceived is lacking in the person they betray. And the rationalization hamster in her head just churns to further justify betrayal. Also, that's why a human lamprey like Carlos get into a weak minded individual's head by simply validating back what the wayward feels is missing inside - "Oh no, darling, it is not you who is romantic enough to get your husband's attention! He is just a blind fool to not see what I see, a beautiful woman before me who deserves to be romanced every minute...no, every second of the day!"

The one thing I can tell you that is missing in both your STBXW and that asshat Carlos is integrity. I don't know your close friends but i suspect by telling them whats been going on with that will your integrity shine through on how you handled the situation, maybe even appreciate your trust with them by opening up about your situation. Hey, all of us complete strangers are in amazement with how you've handled this. You and your daughter have bonded closer as a result. Take that into consideration because having a close supper network can really helpnwith healing and moving forward.

Curious9 posted 6/6/2017 13:01 PM

There is nothing to be ashamed of. We have all been used and abused. Its horrible but sadly these days it is a part of life. Be proud of the way you have handled this so far. Its very rare someone does as well as you have so you should hold your head up high over that.

I didn't breath a word to most people. I kept to myself and raised my four children on my own until I met my current wife. It was incredibly difficult. I wouldn't change it now for the world. I am thankful everyday I am away from my xW.

Life is so much better. So good for you for being a great dad and a strong person.

C

leftbroken posted 6/6/2017 15:08 PM

AS much as I applaud how YHGTBKM has handled this the one thing that pisses me off more than anything is the fact that, her you have this absolutely despicable person that has done nothing but screw over her husband and the punishment is, "here's just south of a million dollars, take it and go think about what you've done."

Where is the Karma? Where is the punishment? Here's aq lottery win, now take the other man and go live happily ever after. seriously, it just sucks that she walks away with her pockets lined, like she is being financially rewarded for screwing around.

theaterguy posted 6/6/2017 15:15 PM

"the sex was mediocre (then why continue?)"......my partner used the word boring when describing sex with her 10 lovers....yeah, I asked then why do it? A whole host of reasons but none that made sense to me.

theaterguy posted 6/6/2017 17:43 PM

"see that he was deported....not my best."...Like hell! He should pray you don't come over there and extract some old school whoop ass. You sir have my admiration. You made decisions with a cool head and put into action a well thought plan....no wonder you're the head of the company.

Western posted 6/6/2017 21:35 PM

Y,

You handled all of this very well.

If you read through the history of these boards, we always tell people that when someone says it happened 'just once' that it happened much more.

Your wife turned very evil at some point. One previous affair and having this guy since last July plus in your house, car, bed, threesomes with another man and him, toying with the potential prostitute ? She is very sick.

I agree with 1965, I would PI her as I don't trust her and her lunatic state right now.

I know you had to give up $800,000 but please tell me that pales in comparison to what you keep. Please tell me you are walking away with millions and she's envious.

Be glad you are gone from her. After everything she did to you, why the hell would she think that you would take her back ? The sick mind of cheaters.

BTW, how did you find out all of these details ?

And please don't let your daughter allow your wife back into your life. Let he suffer through the consequences. She will mow through the $220,000 fast. Her loss for sure.

Did Carlos dump her yet ?

YHGTBKM posted 6/7/2017 00:10 AM

@TIMSC,

Exactly my thoughts. She has backtracked on the verbal confession (said in-front of a lawyer, mediator and recorder) saying that she was just trying to hurt me, but I am not buying it.

I consulted with my lawyer and we are going to demand a polygraph and see what happens. My lawyer is drawing up the questions and we are withholding any transfer and monetary payment until this is complete. I am also seeking the return of any gifts that she bought him, watches, jewelry, etc. If I can get them back, I will.

She admitted to her mother that she "completely ruined her life over some loser", but even this statement shows how self absorbed she is because I am sure that more than just her life has been altered.

OrdinaryDude posted 6/7/2017 00:23 AM

It sounds like it's still all about her, not what she did to you and your daughter.

M1965 posted 6/7/2017 07:35 AM

I agree with OrdinaryDude; the level of self-absorption your WW displays is incredible. Was it only her life affected by her actions? Unbelievable, or maybe all too believable, depending on her personality.

Re. the attempt at retracting her confession, can she actually do that? Doesn't that render the whole process pointless if a person can make a confession and then say, "I was just kidding, it was a joke"? Particularly if it was made in a formal setting, in front of a lawyer, and recorded as well. I suppose she's just clutching at more straws, but you have ample other evidence of the affair via your private investigator and also all of her messages about coming home to apologise and explain.

Good for you re. the gifts to Carlos. Why should you pay for them? And now she calls him a loser? It just gets better and better. What is going on in her head?

Jduff posted 6/7/2017 10:52 AM

I am curious but was the prenup a matter of due diligence because of your profession or did you just had this hunch about her way in the back of your mind, or both?

drumerboy posted 6/7/2017 13:04 PM

I always say you need to take some time and decide what you want to do. If you are not interested in R then definitely get a lawyer. In today's world you revenge can turn into a costly divorce. Let her dig her own grave and you just sit back and gather the info.

TimSC posted 6/7/2017 16:49 PM

Definitely polygraph to learn the truth of when she cheated previously.

She is retracting the statement now because she realizes that if it can be proven that she had a physical affair years ago, her "compensation" could be greatly reduced - as it should.

I have to say, giving her a condo to live in is more than she deserves. But no way does she deserve $220,000 cash as well.

She picked life with the loser over you and your daughter - let him provide for her.

Sanibelredfish posted 6/7/2017 17:03 PM


Then she dropped a bomb and said she would forego the entire settlement if I agreed to continued communication and 1 date night per week.

Well, there went her plan to seduce you back, you meanie!

Those would have been some expensive dates for her. I'd bet she was banking (pun intended) on them as grounds for claiming forgiveness of the A if you initially agreed, but subsequently decided to D anyway. In that case, those would have been very expensive dates for you...

20yrsagoBS posted 6/7/2017 17:09 PM

I read your thread and just ached for you. I am so sorry you had to go through this! No matter HOWour relationship plays out, after discovering our relationship was a lie, it's really sad to see another person go through it too. (((hugs)))

Sharkman posted 6/7/2017 17:41 PM

If she admitted to an earlier infidelity what did your lawyer say about back-dating the infidelity clause to then?

wordsofwisdom posted 6/7/2017 19:10 PM

YHGTBKM, I wonder if your wife's friends who knew about her affair with Carlos can also tell you something about your wife's past. Could it be they participated in her orgies? And this is not just a morbid curiosity. Because this woman will spend quite a few time with your daughter in the future. Because she can be a mentally sick long-term pervert. Because her former affair partner can shake your hand on a daily basis if he happens to be one of your family "friends".

And I agree with others suggesting some PI help. To learn about her past and keep an eye on her in the present. At least you will prevent yourself from someone jumping in your window in the middle of the night.

One thing that concerns me most about all of your wife's story is that she kept inviting a stranger (and maybe his friend(s)) to spend a night in your house, while your 14 years old daughter was sleeping nearby in blissful ignorance. Obviously, your wife can do this in the future while living in a condo with no restraints.

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