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Hindsight

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devotedman posted 10/27/2017 00:54 AM

I'm very sorry for your stbxww's continued harassment. That must be really awful for you and your daughter to endure.

YHGTBKM posted 10/27/2017 01:18 AM

thanks devotedman;

it was hard see her become unhinged and what that realization meant to my daughter. There were times that her behaviour was for attention and other times it was genuine.

Overall my daughter was concerned about what was happening but seems to have remained level headed about it.

Wool94 posted 10/27/2017 05:42 AM

Thanks for the update.

parent4 posted 10/27/2017 06:41 AM

At the very least, she should think of her daughter and make the divorce as undramatic as possible.

Good you've embraced hobbies with dd.

Did stbxw show any signs of mental instability in the past?

[This message edited by parent4 at 6:43 AM, October 27th (Friday)]

Hotdog posted 10/27/2017 10:53 AM

At this point, your STBXW has nothing to loose. Her desperation is evident. She already lost a loving husband and a daughter that will forever look at her differently. For what? A cheap thrill!

Your daughter seems to be well taken care of by you. Please don't forget to take care of yourself.

Good luck!

leftbroken posted 10/27/2017 14:19 PM

As you can imagine she claimed mental and physical abuse against me but luckily for me nobody believed her.

This is something I've never understood. The WS tries blame shifting and makes so many statements about how terrible you are but their begging you not to leave.

If I was so horrible that you had to cheat than you should be happy to be rid of me. How on earth can you beg me to take you back and then tell me I was abusive? If I was abusive than why aren't you running for the door when I give you an out.

RaindropsTricks posted 10/27/2017 16:28 PM

This thread needs to be pinned at the top so all BS can read it first thing.

I am sorry for what you went and are going through. But WOW freaking wow!

MidnightRun posted 12/11/2017 04:24 AM

Bump.

Example of taking control.

MidnightRun posted 12/11/2017 04:24 AM

Bump.

Example of taking control.

MidnightRun posted 12/11/2017 04:24 AM

Bump.

Example of taking control.

Western posted 12/11/2017 07:15 AM

nice bump. I thought about this one yesterday too

YHGTBKM posted 1/1/2018 13:51 PM

I can't believe it has been almost a year since I discovered my WW was having an affair or that it has been almost 8 months since her world came crashing down around her.

The past few months have been interesting. My STBEXW has constantly harassed me, to the point of forcing me to get a restraining order, which she has violated numerous times. The last time the judge sentenced her to house arrest and counseling. Apparently she had some sort of an epiphany during counseling and now understands the pain she caused to people who are not her...imagine that. She was good for about a week and then her scheming and conniving self reappeared.

She tried her hardest to get me to have sex with her, which of course was a ploy to interrupt the dissolution of the marriage ( some states see sexual activity after disclosure is seen as "forgiveness") being informed is key for all of us. Of course I knew what she was up to and the thought of having sex with her again is physically repulsive.

Christmas was interesting as my DD went to her place in the afternoon. Her address had changed which was a shock. I normally just drop my DD off so I do not have to communicate with the STBEXW but this time I wanted to do a little investigating. She is actually cohabiting with another man which made the next few days events all the more strange.

First, she doesn't have the right to sublet the apartment. So I had to get lawyers involved. Apparently she took 6 months rent in advance (so she could finance the new place) and without a proper tenants agreement this could become a long arduous process.

Then my DD overheard her conversations with the new guy about a countersuit on the grounds of mental cruelty. My DD pointed out that cruelty after discovering that you cheated cannot really be considered cruelty (My heart just soared when she told me that - how smart is She??).

My daughter called and said she wanted me to pick her up early and then told me what happened (I had her write down exactly what was said). She told me the new guys name and how long she has been seeing him - 6 weeks and already living together. It seemed a little too convenient so I searched his name in the discovery files I have and nothing came up.

I received a hamster email from my STBEXW about the new guy and how they were just roommate's and nothing sexual has ever or will ever happen, he's not her type. No your type is fat bald and penniless...lol.

Then last night my STBEXW showed up at the house announcing that she was ready to tell me why she had an affair. I said you had one and the why is irrelevant. I was called all sorts of names but cold and unfeeling was one that I took pride in.

The police showed up during this conversation and not only witnessed her violating the restraining order but also her verbal abuse.

I feel some satisfaction knowing that she spent New Years in jail and that due to the holiday she will most likely be there for a couple of days.

The new guy showed up looking for her. He said some things that convinced me that her version was seriously redacted. I invited him in and told him the truth including how she has been trying to get back together while telling him how in love she is with him. I realized the look on his face must have been how I looked all those months ago.

I wished him luck and sent him on his way. He seems like a nice enough guy. I am not sure what will happen but he did not look happy.

I have a lot of legal items to take care of, with this tenant and this imaginary mental cruelty (My lawyer suggested that my DD make the conversation a matter of record).

burcm posted 1/1/2018 13:59 PM

Thanks a lot for the update. Looks like the karma bus is running her over. Sending you strength and patience.

leftbroken posted 1/1/2018 14:15 PM

Yes, thanks for the up date.

I know it seems petty but I love updates like this. I love to read stories about ws's failing at life after they screw over the best thing in their life becuase of selfishness.

[This message edited by leftbroken at 2:16 PM, January 1st (Monday)]

MidnightRun posted 1/1/2018 16:47 PM

Your DD is truly an asset.

While you were away, we've regularly bumped your thread to the top. Your story is both an inspiration and a tactical road map on how to effectively crush the bullshit--and take control.

Continue posting from time to time. Your insights can prove valuable for others.

LongSigh posted 1/1/2018 19:21 PM

Well, Now I feel a bit like a pushover. Why is it so hard for me to shut the emotion I feel toward my WH off?


DarkHoleHeart posted 1/2/2018 05:04 AM

... and you have to wonder - how it was possible to live with such a person for so long and never notice who she really is...

Bigger posted 1/2/2018 05:19 AM

My understanding (based on your post from May 8th) is that you had an ironclad-prenup that contained a fidelity clause.
How come the divorce is so contested and is taking so long?

Tigersrule77 posted 1/2/2018 08:17 AM

Glad you are handling things so well. Sorry you have to spend so much money on attorney's fees.

How is your daughter handling this with her mother? Sounds like your STBXWW is approaching (if not already crossed) the line of unstable. Have you asked your attorney about this? If you and your DD feel she is safe, then fine. I know you want your DD to have a relationship with her mother, and that is best for her. Just wondering how much more of this has to go on.

JS84 posted 1/2/2018 08:30 AM

Thanks for keeping us updated. Wow what a train wreck.

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