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Hindsight

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OrdinaryDude posted 5/4/2017 21:15 PM

Thats a good question.

I'm considering having my adult kids DNA tested this year, just to be sure.

Not that they would mean anything less to me, but to check on my wife's behavior at the time...I've learned to trust nothing from her and question everything at this point.

We are doing well in R, but I need some reassurances before I will begin to trust again...a polygraph and a postnup are in order too.

YHGTBKM posted 5/4/2017 21:25 PM

@vatoloco,

I understand. Truthfully, I have no idea if she strayed before this. I important thing is I know now and will not stand for it. I have done nothing to deserve this.

vatoloco posted 5/4/2017 21:46 PM

Friend YHGTBKM

I really admire your firmness of character, I am convinced that you are doing very well, doing the right thing. I also understand the pain of the moment, the disappointment that is felt and the humiliation, knowing that your wife, whom you had on a pedestal, has been reduced to mingle with a OM so low that not a minute has thought of the pain it caused ...
She chose and did not give you the right to choose this shit.
Now it's your turn and you're doing great. I sense your wife is a serial cheater.
Regards, much strength that this bad moment will happen, your life goes on and you have the best of it: your daughter.
Hugs

PlanC posted 5/4/2017 23:29 PM

I would have her served right before the trip. You will either ruin the trip or she will burn days off her response clock in the divorce proceeding. Plus you can take all remedial measures while she is gone.

Smillie posted 5/4/2017 23:53 PM

While she is away you should inform her close friends and family what she is doing. Not in a spiteful way but just as a matter of fact.

Dyokemm posted 5/5/2017 01:14 AM

I would arrange everything for you and your DD to leave to Hawaii just a few hours after she is scheduled to leave, including canceling all cards and transferring funds from accounts at close of business the night before.....

Then immediately after she leaves the house.....BLOW up the A.....exposure to ALL friends and family......and text her that the D papers are waiting on the kitchen table as you walk out the door to leave on your trip with your DD.

Her 'special' trip will be blown apart.....no funds and her phone blowing up with friends/family calling and texting.

She will for sure try to rush home.....but you will be gone with your DD and she will find nothing but the papers.

After your flight lands, text her that you expect her to be gone when you get back from your trip.....then go completely dark on her until you return.

Well.....that's what I would do.

ramius posted 5/5/2017 03:29 AM

1000 euros is a small price to pay to get her out of the country for a few days. It gives you time to change the locks, security codes, and move your funds. Also if have access to her email you can change her password and lock her out of that for awhile.

I also like your idea of letting her know after she makes her domestic connection.

Some ideas.....

You can call/text her first and confirm that she is on the plane and it has left the gate. Then give her the good news.

Something simple like: "Enjoy your trip with your boyfriend. I know everything. Any contact from this point on will be limited to specifics about our daughter. All other contact is to be done thru my lawyer."

Expose her to everyone (family and close friends) immediately after sending the text. Keep it short but make sure to say you have absolute proof and that this is not a "he said she said" situation.

Maybe don't cancel her phone. That way she can go nuts taking calls from her family and trying to contact you with the inevitable crying and I'm sorry routine all busted WW's do. Or I guess she could just call collect from Spain, but you would have to pay for it.

Then just sit back and imagine what she will be dealing with on her romantic trip. Sex with the boyfriend? I doubt it. Once the reality hits, her crotch is going to dry up like the sahara.

As far as the divorce papers go. Let those be waiting for her at the airport when she arrives home. The process server can meet her in baggage claim. A well deserved welcome home.

Few BS take such decisive action like you are. But those that do seem to fair better than those who do not.

[This message edited by ramius at 3:33 AM, May 5th (Friday)]

Mrhealed posted 5/5/2017 04:42 AM

YHGTBKM,

I think your strategy is the right one. You will have more than enough times to

I just have a couple of questions,

When are you going to confronted her/ let her know that you are aware of the affair and D is to happen? When she returns? Trip last days? As you pointed out she may try to return before, even without money she can reach friends.

Does OM have a wife or girls friend? If yes you should also let her know.

Be careful as probably your WW has friends, of you as well, that were aware / support / enable the Affair (e.g. the ones in the Flamenco class). Last thing you need is your WW finding that you know about the A before time.

If you change the locks (consult your lawyer about it) where is she going to stay the day she returns? I am not saying that you should let her stay at your house, just that maybe is a good idea to make some arrangements to find accommodation for her (her parent, sister, brother , friends, etc). He is a cheater but also your daughter’s mother, you need to consider this to not hurt your daughter more than the D is going to.

Good luck

nme1 posted 5/5/2017 08:39 AM

Has your attorney reviewed your evidence of the A? I wouldn't want you to think that you're safely covered by a prenup, only to find out that you need more proof.

I wish you strength over the next week before she leaves.

twisted posted 5/5/2017 09:33 AM

YHGTBKM, you initial post has so much familiarity to it. I applaud your patience and ability to maintain your composure as you collect the evidence and documentation you will need.

You allowing her to go the trip is evil genius. You are my hero. ( Is that a bad thing?)

It reminds me of the comedian Sam Kinison when his estranged girlfriend found out about him fooling around, so she quietly packed a loaded .38 in his carry on luggage.

When is the trip, I want to hear the end of this one!

vatoloco posted 5/5/2017 22:59 PM

Friend YHGTBKM

You can update as this situation with your wife. I travel to Spain in the end?
Hugs

OrdinaryDude posted 5/7/2017 20:25 PM

YHGTBKM...how goes it?

twisted posted 5/8/2017 08:46 AM

YHGTBKM, also wanting an update.

desertwells posted 5/8/2017 11:18 AM

I would double check about the locks as well. Is the house in her name? My attorney told me that I couldn't change the locks but that I could change the alarm code... that stopped him from coming in.

Personally, I wouldn't let all her friends know. Just act like you don't care... that will get to her more in the long run.

Even when you're on your trip with your daughter, don't blow up on FB with pics everywhere. One nice pic of the two of you and an update like 'Best vacation with my best girl' is all you need!

(Oh, and to this day, my EX doesn't know how much I know and when/how I figured things out and it drives him CRAZY!) I've never asked him (nor would I ever) because it just doesn't matter and it would just stroke his ego.

5246 posted 5/8/2017 14:45 PM

Have her served right as she she checks into airport.

Bigger posted 5/8/2017 15:33 PM

A fidelity clause in the pre-nup?
Do you have legal quality proof of the affair?

Keep in mind that your recordings on the VAR might be illegal or inadmissible at court. Possibly the same regarding the gps.

You clearly have funds and with the info you already have then hire a PI to nail down legal-quality proof just in case her attorney contests the validity of the fidelity clause.

kgcolonel posted 5/8/2017 16:20 PM

I may have missed it but when is the trip scheduled to take place? I think your plan to send the notification is perfect....should be interesting exchange once she lands at her destination with her BT and realizes the light at the end of the tunnel is not daylight....sorry you are going through this....

swmnbc posted 5/9/2017 09:21 AM

I believe she leaves Thursday (in two days) but won't arrive until Friday.

Marriagesucks posted 5/9/2017 09:54 AM

You're my new Hero. I haven't posted on this thread because it seems like you totally got your head together (in the order of SpaceGhost's thread).

In reference to comic Sammy would it be too vindictive if I said I wouldn't mind hearing an update of your WW dumpster diving in Spain for chicken parts with her Boy Toy?. If it's too soon for this kind of humor.... my apology's.

SAM25nov2016 posted 5/9/2017 11:16 AM

Let me just say ...I hate this woman for doing this to you. I wish cheaters wore a sign around their necks and only dated one another. Why don't they leave the rest of us alone!

Love your approach to all of this - I truly admire you. You and your daughter will be ok - of that I am sure!

Wish I could be at the airport when she gets your text :)

Take care of yourself - you deserve it!

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