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Hindsight

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YHGTBKM posted 9/11/2018 17:08 PM

I was told by my lovely ex-wife today, that she was quite happy with her life and being married to me, and if I only hadn't invaded her privacy, I would never had found out because she had no intention of leaving me.

It was only sex you know!

GoldenR posted 9/11/2018 17:23 PM

How dare you want exclusivity with your wife! You meddler, you!

Hotdog posted 9/11/2018 17:29 PM

You were her gravy train! Why would she leave you. lol!

There is seriously mentally wrong with your exWW.

How are you and your daughter doing? How is her relationship with her mother?

Tigersrule77 posted 9/11/2018 17:52 PM

Once again, the whole thing was your fault. I hope you never forget that.

If you were looking for any more evidence that you made the right decision, I would say she just gave it to you.

Dyokemm posted 9/11/2018 18:04 PM

LMAO......your ex’s last ‘insight’ is bonkers hilarious.

If I was in your spot, I don’t think I could have refrained from making some smart assed remark like:

“Really? You were that happy?......Because I have never been happier since I got rid of your serial cheating ass.....Guess that just shows we never really were on the same page in life.”

But then again....I’m a dick.....

So undoubtedly best for you to not stir things up with her crazy by engaging.

TimSC posted 9/11/2018 20:26 PM

If you had not invaded her privacy and found out about her infidelity you would have continued to fund all her (an his) fun vacations together.

How could you spoil her fun?

wordsofwisdom posted 9/11/2018 20:32 PM

I was told by my lovely ex-wife today, that she was quite happy with her life and being married to me
I hope you have recorded this convo. It might help you when she is back to the mania phase trying to sue you.

Western posted 9/11/2018 21:20 PM

God help you. Thank God you have stepped forward and controlled your destiny. Many here don't and sadly suffer. You were 'the man' from day 1. Dispatch her completely from your life.

I hate that line "I never had any intentions of leaving'. If you banged babes and told her 'hey chill, I never had any intention of leaving' or told multiple women how much you loved them, what would her response have been ?

This heathen is out of your life almost completely. Finish the job. Let her rot

OrdinaryDude posted 9/11/2018 21:57 PM

Some people are just dumb as a box of rocks, and unfortunately we often end up married to them.

Buster123 posted 9/11/2018 22:33 PM

Unbelievable, so as long as she was able to keep banging other men and you didn't know about it everything should have been great, how dare you find out about her serial cheating and MFM ! what was your response to her ridiculous statement and what could she possible counter with ?

HopefulJourney posted 9/11/2018 23:41 PM

I wish they had like buttons on here, some of these comments crack me up! I had a fleeting moment of feeling pity for your ex-wife.

SCARLETT94 posted 9/12/2018 05:46 AM

Just read this whole thread. You did a great job getting out of infidelity while protecting your daughter at the same time.
But I gotta ask..... How in the hell were you able to make the condo part of the settlement but still prohibit her from selling it!?

Mad props to you because I've seen so many people get screwed in a divorce by the cheating spouse!

Jduff posted 9/12/2018 12:47 PM

YHGTBKM, just wanted to ask about this from early in your journey out infidelity -

I spoke to her friends, some of whom were culpable in helping her cover up this affair that I knew what they have done. I informed their husbands what has been happening and the degree in they have been assisting my STBEXW. They were disgusted that their wives were facilitating the affair and some even wondered if "if it can happen to you", why not me?

Just curious as to what has been the fallout with her friends and their husbands? Have any of their wives been discovered to be also participating in their own infidelities? From my personal experience and from reading stories here, it's like once you find one roach you know there's a nest of them somewhere.

Shockedmom posted 9/12/2018 15:49 PM

I would have just scratched my head and strolled away. She has developed a serious personality disorder that has left her with no empathy. True narcissist.
Continue on with your happier life.

TimSC posted 10/29/2018 12:56 PM

YHGTBKM,

Any updates? How are you and your daughter doing?

I can't even begin to suggest a response to your XW's comment.

"Ex-wife" - is that title official now?

AbandonedGuy posted 10/29/2018 13:52 PM

Youre a strong man for understanding that reconciliation is futile. Its amazing how easily some people can deceive, and how easily we ourselves can be deceived when were not expecting our closest loved one to stab us in the back.

YHGTBKM posted 9/13/2019 11:12 AM

As I stated in my last update, my ex made one impromptu connection only to disappear again entirely. We went months without hearing from her. Even her parents hadn’t had any contact with her. It became so alarming for them that they filed a missing persons report with the local police department. Then they reached out to me to see if I could hire a private detective to find her. The PI found her on the East Coast and for her parents sake, asked that she be “checked up on” every two weeks to make sure she was ok.

Then about 6 months ago she disappeared again and wound up on our door step. She asked if we could all have dinner and catch-up. Just like that.

We met the next day and she was incredibly lucid and forthright about her last year. She moved away from everything and everybody to NC. She took an office job, had an apartment, went to night school and took counselling. We were dumbfounded, these are all the things she has never done on her own.

This is the way it started. She started coming by to “catch-up”, infrequently at first, never overstaying her welcome, always returning home to her apartment. The visits became more frequent and longer. I think I was cognizant of the turn in events, to some degree, but my daughter was reveling in the contact. I would come home and dinner was done, my daughter’s homework was done (not that she needed help but her mother was taking an active role). Slowly, I began to notice the longer gazes, the “accidental contact” and lengthy stays.

One night my daughter and I are having movie night and she starts mentioning how much my Ex has changed, how responsible she is now, how she is doing all the right things and how nice it is to have her around. I know what’s coming. She asks if I have forgiven her; she asks if I could ever see myself getting back together with her, so we could be a family again. I couldn’t tell if this was being coached or if it was a genuine perspective.

I explained that although I had forgiven her mother for what she did, that forgiveness and repentance are sisters, and repentance for what we went through has never given to us.

I could see the wheels turning in my daughters head and told her that her match making services wouldn’t be required. I explained that there was no scenario where we went beyond the relationship we now had.

I pretended that the conversation never happened and continued to monitor the situation but fully aware that my Ex could be manipulating the interactions. I came home late one night, to my Ex alone in my house. It turns out a sleep over at a friends house had been arranged, and my Ex dressed to kill (all of my favorite dress items) and an intimate dinner planned. Honestly, it was hard to remember that this was a plan. I explained that I appreciate the attempt but any romantic notions I had for her died long ago. She wasn’t going to let a little “No” dissuade her, so he upped her game a bit, until I got more forceful.

Her response? I can’t believe I wasted a year on this! She didn’t mean to say it out loud but she realized she did say it and that I heard it. The look of bewilderment locked on my face while I said, all this, the move, the night school, the disappearing act was all that, just an act? An act to get me back in some sort of romantic relationship? Never mind, I don’t want to know, just don’t fuck up the progress you made with your daughter.

She stopped coming around for about a week, the next time she showed up some guy showed up just after her and asked me if my name was YHGTBKM? It turns out I have been served. She is suing me for mental cruelty, and a few other things pertaining to the way I “tossed her out without giving her what she was due”.

Again it all comes down to money for her and here I entertained the slimmest of chances that she had actually changed.

Sanibelredfish posted 9/13/2019 11:32 AM

Well, at least she is consistent!

But seriously, I think absolute NC is the way forward. Is that possible with the custody situation?

This should provide some insight on your initial courtship as well. I suspect she’s always been quite calculating.

ChamomileTea posted 9/13/2019 11:59 AM

I feel so sorry for your daughter. It's not surprising that your XWW pulled this bullshit on you. It was always her MO. And it's really not surprising that she tried to pull your daughter into it either, but it IS very shockingly sad. As a mom, I can't imagine using my kid that way. Is your daughter aware of what happened?

Odonna posted 9/13/2019 12:00 PM

Remember that you allowed her to re-enter your lives in order for her to re-connect with you DD and re-build that relationship. That was a generous loving thing for a good father to do. It is good that you saw the plan unfolding, however, and were able to stick to your boundaries. That allowed you to see the real truth when she let it slip.

Keep taking the high road for your DD and keep your boundaries strong. You’ve got this!

[This message edited by Odonna at 12:05 PM, September 13th (Friday)]

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