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My boyfriend and I have been together for over two years now. I recently found out that he's been cheating on me the whole time. We have had a great relationship and I love him and want our relationship to work. However, he says he loves me and no one else but there are things that he feels like are lacking in our relationship so he seeks out other women. He says there's never been any emotional connection with anyone else, and he would like to continue this behavior but communicate it with me and is asking for a one sided open relationship. He's trying to convince me that it will improve our relationship because there won't be any more secrets. I've tried to listen and be understanding, but I don't know if I could ever get past the hurt and jealousy I would feel.

Any advice and input is welcome.

No. No. No. No.

A thousand times NO.

This will not end well for you in any way.

NO.

Wait, he's asking that you stay faithful to him, but that he can go cheat on you? And that telling you what he does would make it ok?

My advice would be to end the relationship unless you want to make it an entirely open relationship where you get to go do what you like as well. Otherwise you are setting yourself up as a doormat and for a LOT of heartbreak.

Good luck and I'm sorry you are in this situation.

Do you want to have children some day?

If the answer is yes, you have a responsibility to yourself and to the world and to your future children to choose a better father for them.

Do not even talk to him anymore. He'll talk you into things you know are wrong and he'll turn you into his housekeeper/maid/companion/income provider. Everything will always be about him.

ALWAYS about him. Nothing will ever be about you.

Or those poor children.

My ex worded it differently to me, but, that was exactly what he wanted. Nope. Divorced him, let her have him.

Why do you feel that all you deserve is a cheating disrespectful boyfriend? He doesn't care about you, he doesn't respect you. He is not who you think he is . He is an egotistical, selfish liar and cheater . His reasons for having a one sided open relationship are bs. You deserve better. Please get into ic to see why you feel you don't deserve better. And run for the hills.

[This message edited by 1survivor at 9:47 AM, September 18th (Monday)]

Not no, but hell no. Dating is the time to get to know who people are. He has shown you. He is not a match for you. End it now, while you have no children or joint finances.

Any advice and input is welcome.

Get out now! Run away as fast a you can! Who made this guy god's gift to warthogs?

I think I'd tell him you are going to have a few sexual relationships yourself, , ( not emotional, of course) so you won't be needing his dick anymore.

You are hoping it will improve your relationship,

and you'll let him know how it works out.

I agree with Twisted.

But make sure he understands "why".

Something like "you're a great guy, but I was really looking for someone more endowed than you are. Maybe if we both date other people I can get that my relationship needs met by you and my sexual needs met by those big muscle-headed jerks whom I would never want to have long-term relationships with."

Then let him think about it.

Then dump him and never look back because life is too short to marry a shithead.

Holy shit!

Just when I thought I had heard it all on SI.

What a selfish ass.

I don’t mean to be harsh, and I know you love this man, but I promise, you will heal when you break up with him. This is a toxic relationship.

Please, please get tested for STDs asap. Your health is in danger. And please set up an appointment with an IC (Individual Counselor); your emotional health is also in danger. The fact that you are even thinking about accepting this “arrangement” is not healthy. You deserve better, sweetie.

Hugs...

he's been cheating on me the whole time. We have had a great relationship

You realize these two sentences contradict each other.

Your WBF wants his cake and eat it too. And you want to be okay with this?

he feels like are lacking in our relationship so he seeks out other women.

This is very selfish and disrespectful. Your WBF does not respect you and is manipulating you to make you be "okay" with him getting some side action.

How about you discuss what he feels is "lacking" and the two of you try to work on that vs. seek affection outside your relationship? Just a thought.

If your best friend was in this same situation what would you tell her to do? Think about that and be your own best friend.

This is sick and twisted and God knows what you'd be exposing yourself to STD wise.

You are better than being an option, an afterthought.

Ok, so we know what he wants...what do you want, Askingwhy?

great advice here. My first wife had an affair then told me she did not want to be married to me. She then proceeded to ask me to move out. So I did. About a month later her sister saw me at a bar with another girl. Ex-wife said oh I did not know we had started dating other people LOL. I said as soon as you started affair and asked me to move out you opened up our relationship. She got pissed at me. I laughed so hard she just walked away.

I'm glad I found this group. Thank you for Everyone's support. For those of you asking if I plan on having children, I have children from a previous marriage. They have never seen my boyfriend and I fight or discuss any of this in front of them. The fact that my girls love him as much as I do makes this so much harder. I don't want to hurt them. Their father left us 5 years ago and the last thing I want is for another man that they love to disappear out of our lives. I know deep down that this is unhealthy for me and it is tearing me apart, but I can't let myself let go.

Narcissistic, party of one? Your table is ready...

Run...

Don't let your daughters see you get used. You don't want them to think being used is normal.

Their father left us 5 years ago and the last thing I want is for another man that they love to disappear out of our lives

Honey, he's auditioning others right now to do that very thing.

There is always a risk by letting you children get to attached or involved to a "boyfriend". You block that attachment till he becomes a serious fiance.

If you are completely honest with your daughters about what he is asking you to do, they won't be upset when you leave him...and you do need to.