"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

hopefulkate posted 11/13/2017 21:28 PM

I threw away my wedding rings during the early days...MrKate was able to save one and it sits in a drawer upstairs. Sometimes it is pain free, sometimes it is not. It is never worn. It never will be again.

Time is starting to get fuzzy - so I can't remember if this next event happened in year one or two. I think it was during year two...seems safer

Anyway, MrKate got me a new ring. It was not a wedding ring, but it was simple and perfect and he engraved it with the initials of each part of him.

And I lost it at the symphony this weekend.

(Let's just leave the sentence up so I look super sophisticated, and not the reality of me trying to take the kids to hear the music from Star Wars and my idiot brain got the location wrong so while frantically trying to figure out where we should be and knowing we couldn't make it and i disappointed the kids...I lost my ring.)

When I realized it when I came home, I cried. Cried!! Not long, because a part of me wouldn't allow it. But you guys...I'm really, really bummed.

I hadn't even been wearing it lately. Just started again this last week or so.

Anyway, I am surprised by the strength of these emotions. I'm still hurting deeply from the A - just that it happened, that's all anymore - but, maybe I was ready for more in my heart?

Or do I just like shiny things?

Squirrel!

[This message edited by hopefulkate at 9:30 PM, November 13th (Monday)]

Jesusismyanchor posted 11/13/2017 21:39 PM

Awww. Sorry you lost it. It is also nice (perhaps bittersweet) that you felt that way. It is encouraging. I took my rings off on dday and have not put them back on except one night when we went on a date and I didn't want to look like I was the OW. My band fell somehere by my nightstand about a month ago. I haven't even bothered to look for it.

Want2BHappyAgain posted 11/14/2017 08:17 AM

Ooooooo...shiny !!!

Squirrel !!!!

I lost my wedding ring 3 months after we were married. I was devastated . My H often said that I lost my ring...so WHY would he bother to buy me another one? It would sting...but it was the truth.

After DDay...when I was relaying that story...again...to someone...my H told me later that this was a very ugly thing for him to say to me for all those years . WOW...I surely wasn't expecting that!!! We talked about him buying US another wedding set for our 30th anniversary . But...he got laid off before that happened...so...I still have no ring !!! You know what though...just the thought that he WOULD buy me another one makes me smile .

All I can say...is DON'T HOLD BACK !!! YES...there is a chance that your heart can get stomped on again...our H's have shown they are capable of doing just that. For ME...I know what that feels like...and I survived it. I WILL survive it IF it ever happens again. BUT...SQUIRREL!!!!

Sorry... !!! What I'm getting at is that there IS enjoyment...laughter...FUN again . AND...MrKate could NEVER cheat again...so why waste time worrying about what will NEVER happen? ENJOY this life...your symphonies that you DO get to make...and anything else Y'ALL do . Life is too short...it needs to be lived FULLY .

allusions posted 11/14/2017 11:30 AM

It was not a wedding ring, but it was simple and perfect and he engraved it with the initials of each part of him.

What does this mean? A for arm? L for leg? H for head? P for.....?

devastated43 posted 11/14/2017 11:43 AM

After a year, I have finally decided to get back into this forum and just start to talk to people who are going through the same things I am.

I used to wear my wedding band with pride. I have had my share of mistakes and failures in my life but I was proud of one thing: My Marriage. Now I look at it and it is just a disappointment and it reminds me how messed up my life is. It reminds me how much I have invested in this relationship for this woman that I've loved for over 15 years. This undeserving woman who has never appreciated me. Sometimes, I just take it off and put it in my pocket hoping that lightening might strike and I might meet someone new.

hopefulkate posted 11/14/2017 13:01 PM

Allusions!
MrKate has Dissociative Identity Disorder, which means his brain is currently "split" into four different MrKate's. (Sometimes 8.)

It used to be called multiple personality disorder, but Hollywood made some rather stupid films about it that do not represent what it is AT ALL.

It just means (warning: gross oversimplication about to occur) that he has some memory gaps and depending on level of stress, reverts to younger versions of himself. It is a spectrum disorder, sort of like autism. We all dissociate - like daydream, drive and can't remember how we got home, etc...but it is a survival skill our brains have in order to survive extreme trauma. The abuse "isn't happening to them", so it is ok to still live in this house and feel 'safe'.

Anyway, the ring had the initials, Y.M.I., for his screen name here, and the three personalities known at the time, You, Me, I.

I loved it and its meaning.

Now, I told him I was sad about losing it, and that it meant i must be healing from the a BUT he was so deep in his own depression that he just sort of said, aw that's too bad.

Holy hell...this R is not for the weak! Now, I didn't kill him. Considered it briefly, maybe, but he was deep, deep in bad place and I *really* should have 'read the room'...but i kind of wanted to have this nice moment and boom...he was gone. I really am to blame in this situation, unfortunately. Owning my own shit is annoying.

He left me a lovely note this morning from his younger self. Cute picture and all.

Hugs Jesusismyanchor and Devastated! It does get better as time and work push forward!

Want2BeHappyAgain- can we please just be friends IRL now? Please?! Squirrel!

allusions posted 11/15/2017 00:27 AM

Thank you for that educational explanation, hopefulkate. I was honestly trying to figure out what that meant when you said each part of him. I'm glad you explained it.

Want2BHappyAgain posted 11/15/2017 08:42 AM

hopefulkate...(in my best Justin Wilson voice)...Meh oui!! Come on over cher...I got me some gumbo cookin' on de stove...c'est bon !! You guessed it...it is SQUIRREL gumbo !!!

Unhinged posted 11/15/2017 10:04 AM

I threw away my wedding rings during the early days...

Seriously?! That's just an insane, crazy... ummm... unhinged thing to do.

Yeah. I did the same. I threw my in a dumpster.

Unknown to me, my wife soon bought a new one, a very nice one, engraved! She kept it secret for a long while, then surprised it on me during a very difficult time for us. At the time, I dismissed it. A year later, I finally asked for that ring.

It doesn't fit. I'd say it's just one size too small. So it's a little uncomfortable and I rarely wear it. My wife tells me it's ensured and I can get it resized, if I want to.

I'm actually okay with it. I don't need a ring to remember that I'm married.

hopefulkate posted 11/15/2017 16:48 PM

W2BHA - hooray!!! Squirrel!

Unhinged - lol....yes, yes I was! I through them into the back yard near the woods. I am a bit...fiery at times. Still cute!! Just...not always...approachable

Skan posted 11/15/2017 20:01 PM

Looking for your ring ....

[This message edited by Skan at 8:02 PM, November 15th, 2017 (Wednesday)]

pennyx posted 11/15/2017 20:29 PM

I am sorry this happened Kate.

I occasionaly see people post on FB or in the paper about finding rings. Maybe this will happen for you and it can be identified by the engravings.

My WH lost his ring in the ocean on 3 separate occasions. We were panicked each time. It was a little loose and the sunscreen made it slip right off. Unbelievably, it was found each time and my comment each time was "see, we are meant to be" Since the A, he has squeezed it so that it is bent and won't come off.

I also lost my ring for about 5 years. I wouldn't let myself cry about it, but I was devastated about it I thought it was gone, gone, gone. But it turned up in the oddest place where I must have hid it years before.

I hope it comes back to you someday and you can say "see we are meant to be"

Good luck!

I hope you find it