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MY (BS) Plan A and B

Crush13 posted 12/11/2017 15:47 PM

Do any other BS who are reconciling have days where you swing between wanting to be with WS, allowing yourself to imagine a future, plans, in my case whether to add to our family, move house etc etc and other days imagining being single. What I would do and where I would go,the possibilities that would open up (and I don't mean meeting someone else) Small things like I would get the kids a pet (WH won't agree to one) I feel like outside of the day to day running of my life and work and being geneuinely content with all this I spend a lot of time toing and froing between these alternate options/lives..

sassylee posted 12/11/2017 19:17 PM

I do! It doesnít affect the choices Iíve made IRL...its just something i think about since it was quite a real possibility at one point. (Iíd get harlequin ducks!)

tushnurse posted 12/11/2017 19:25 PM

I believe that this is totally normal. Hell I do it now and Im happily Rd. Its nice to ha e popcorn for dinner and watch garbage he wont on tv.
Now as far as the pet thing goes I say do it. Kids learn very important life lessins having pets. But dont get ducks. They shit their own body weight every 30 minutes. Disgusting creatures. Chickens are much nicer.

appleswirl posted 12/11/2017 19:27 PM

Absolutely. Before the A, I never imagined ever being single again. There are times though, that I think so far down that path that I imagine where I would live, how to divide the pets, etc. Sadly, I also don't imagine finding someone new - feeling like I've had more than a lifetime of relationship drama and would be content to be on my own.
Then I come back to my real, much more messy life. :-)

devastated43 posted 12/11/2017 19:46 PM

I think about this sometimes. I think about what it would feel like to be alone. I know she will find some other guy relatively quickly and whether they will get married or not doesnít matter. But Iíll be heartbroken again when I see them together. I might end up living alone for the rest of my life. Maybe thatís for the best. But humans need human connection. Without it we die.

strugglebus posted 12/11/2017 20:00 PM

I think about being single on occasion. I think it's normal and healthy.

But humans need human connection. Without it we die.

Keep in mind that human connection comes in many many forms, not just romantic relationships. Add to that plenty of married people aren't really connected at all. But above all, remember you can't predict the future and the only thing that is certain is change.

BrokeninSept17 posted 12/11/2017 20:00 PM

YES. Every day since DDay. I think of where Iíd take my kids to live, the jobs Iíd apply for (Iím a SAHM), how weíd deal with the childrenís visitation... Itís heart-breaking. Because Iíd lose everything, my new van, my cozy little house, my comfortable, stay-at-home mommyhood. But Iíve lost so much that matters anyway, whatís losing material things? Trying to limp my way through the holidays and to the new year. I need a fresh start. 😔

DevastatedDee posted 12/12/2017 08:25 AM

Most definitely. Before this year, I really thought we'd be together until one of us died. We were so perfect for each other. Now, I understand that it could end at any time and that I'm okay with that if it does. I have plan A, B, C and D, lol. I was single for a long time after my first marriage and I liked it just fine. I have no problem being alone. If I wind up single with a few dogs, it's all good. I can easily be happy that way.

I think you have to keep your options open in R because you've seen that your marriage can go off the rails at a moment's notice. Your illusions are dead and you're living in a different reality.

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