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25years For nothing

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OrdinaryDude posted 1/29/2018 22:27 PM

You need to get rid of her dogs, take them to a rescue shelter where they can be rehomed.

If they donít want you to surrender them then just tell them they will be euthanized because your STBXWW abandoned them and you cannot care for them alone...then they will take them.

This is a vital step in washing your hands of her, donít keep her dogs around for her or for anyone else.

Weaver2018 posted 1/30/2018 04:41 AM

Day 17, sleepless night, nothing I did seemed to work I was up and down all night. I don't know what I need to get past all this. But last night was one of the hardest so far as my mind just kept asking questions that I know I am not going to get answers to. I hate this whole ordeal I never deserved any of this to happen to me. So why can I not move past the questions.

Justincase posted 1/30/2018 04:51 AM

You don't just throw away dogs like garbage.

OrdinaryDude posted 1/30/2018 08:03 AM

No you donít, you do the responsible thing and let them go where they can have a decent family life,íand will be properly cared for.

Weaver2018 posted 1/30/2018 08:16 AM

I do not plan on throwing them away, I have looked at them going to foster homes and getting rehomed if she doesn't take them. They are bonded to her and everytime I look at them all I think of is her. She has moved on she has not given me any indication she is going to take them nor has she given me any indication she will ever want to come back. All I can do is completely block and erase her from my mind and memory. I have lived a 25year lie and she has no remorse for what she has done. So in turn I will have no remorse in just erasing her from my life and existence. I realized this morning the biggest pain I am having right now is I lost my best friend of 25yrs I lost the person who I thought had my back. I am in essence alone now and I have to go back to being who I was before I met her. I'm just not as young now which is going to make it that much harder to deal with being alone. I hurt for my son as she is still trying to manipulate him but he cant really see that she abandoned him for her convict lover. I will adjust and I will move forward but its hard is very hard. Each day comes with its highs and its lows. Maybe someday I can forgive her but right now I am just to angry for how she has betrayed me.

1Faith posted 1/30/2018 08:19 AM

I have to go back to being who I was before I met her

Weaver, this is not possible.

Too much has happened. You will never be the person you were before you met her.

And that is okay.

You will be a new Weaver, a stronger Weaver, who like us all has made mistakes but has learned a lot.

Stay with IC. Invest in being the best Weaver you can be going forward. No sense looking into the review mirror as you are not headed that way.

Be kind to yourself. You are doing the best you can under the circumstances.

(((good luck)))

[This message edited by 1Faith at 2:01 PM, January 30th (Tuesday)]

Weaver2018 posted 1/30/2018 11:05 AM

My mother just called me she is at my house with my son cleaning up after the dogs. She is trying to get my son to understand how unhealthy it is that these dogs are doing what they are doing because the person that they are bonded with has not come home in over two weeks so they are acting out. They are confused and don't understand why what is happening is happening. Today being the 30th she has 1 month to get everything out of my home. The sooner the better but she is already telling my son that she may not be able to take the dog. To put it bluntly she doesn't want the dogs as that was one of her pet peeves of having to clean after them all the time. My son though is sad at the prospect that I will get rid of them if she doesn't take them. They are not my dogs nor are they my responsibility she has abandoned them. Just like she has abandoned my son and myself. She still talks to my son but she wont dare talk to me unless she absolutely has to. Which for me is a good thing. Anyway I am making some headway at work today least I am actually doing work and not thinking about her. Its lunchtime so I need to get off here until this evening. Thank you everyone for your support so far.

Lucidiylost posted 1/30/2018 14:50 PM

I am so sorry for you and your son and yes also those dogs. Why do they mess in the house in the first place? It appears your wife never really "cared" for them properly by training them so they are not a nuisance. This way they are very difficult to place anywhere, even foster situations. Your wife not only abandoned her child, her spouse of 25 years, but it appears might have signed a death warrant for these innocent creatures. She seems heartless. All for some random guy? I will never understand the mind of a wayward. It's almost as if they have been taken over by bodysnatchers. I know my WH is nothing like he was before. WTF happenes to them?

Weaver2018 posted 1/30/2018 15:14 PM

I really don't know what happens to them. Up until I caught her she treated me like nothing was wrong that our plans and life were going according to what we had agreed upon. I sincerely hope she takes the two dogs, but I can't keep them. As for my son she is trying to manipulate him now through texts and when I got home tonight he was very sad. Funny she hasn't said 15 words to me since this whole ordeal other than she loves him and wants to be with him. So I am letting her have what she wants. My mother thinks that when this all wears off she will come begging me back. Unfortunately for her she broke a sacred trust and that will never happen. Id be a fool to ever take her back as evil as she has been. Today most of all it hit me the thing I am grieving over most is the loss of my best friend. Until she was caught she was my best friend in life and I confided everything in her and she used that against me to do this. I will survive..my son will survive...but all I can ask for is that Karma pays her a visit soon for all the pain and anguish she has caused not only my family but her own parents.

Weaver2018 posted 1/31/2018 01:14 AM

Now the nightmares have begun, between her parents and my parents saying she will come begging back my dreams are about me accepting her back and reconciling. Then midway through she announces my inadequacies how do I stop these nightmares will this go on forever? I feel sad alone and like I am loosing my way.

Sharkman posted 1/31/2018 01:40 AM

Itís going to suck for a few weeks. Medication can help, counseling can help. Exercise a lot and avoid alcohol.

Infidelity is abuse. You are the victim of an abusive relationship. Itís a horrible, horrible thing and we acknowledge the pain this causes. Itís real and there is absolutely a normal reason for feeling this way.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel. There are 50k+ people on this site who are living proof of that.

Weaver2018 posted 1/31/2018 07:20 AM

I am at work the guys here are supportive but, today is a low day after the nightmare its hard to focus and stay tuned in with the day. I was so strong two days ago now I feel like its all dwindling away. Still mourning the loss of my best friend I guess. I have not grieved like this since I was a kid. Usually I am good about adapting but the front of being strong is gone and now I am struggling just to keep it together. Least I am eating and sleeping. The meds help a little bit but I still get the chest pains. I am just dumbfounded that she would just leave and not even try to fix our marriage first. I have to realize for her to abandon us the way she did she never really had a heart to begin with. Just wish the loneliness and despair would go away.

badmemory posted 1/31/2018 09:51 AM

You need to find..your..anger. Use it to overcome your grief and fuel your resolve to get this horrible woman out of your life.

Start thinking ahead instead of behind. Run toward something instead of running away from something. Plan your future. Exercise and stay busy.

You're going to be okay.


[This message edited by badmemory at 9:52 AM, January 31st (Wednesday)]

LostInTheDesert posted 1/31/2018 14:09 PM

Now the nightmares have begun, between her parents and my parents saying she will come begging back my dreams are about me accepting her back and reconciling.

You need to tell them to stop this. This is not healthy for you, and as you have discovered it just keeps you in more pain.

Weaver2018 posted 1/31/2018 17:04 PM

I have spoken with both sets of parents told them to stop trying to give some form of making me think she will ever try to come back. I don't want her back as I have said before she broke a sacred trust. But I pray that tonight I do not have dreams about her its been 4 days since I heard her voice and its starting to fade in my mind I hope the visions can completely fade as well. Fortunately I have not ran into her in public in over a week to include seeing her car. I am trying to shut this all down and move forward. My only fear now is once this is over will I ever find someone again I hate being alone. Today is the 30th so I have 29 days till she has to get all her stuff completely gone. Wish me luck and again thank you everyone for the support and the rough but needed words of encouragement.

LostInTheDesert posted 1/31/2018 18:32 PM

You will not only find somebody again, you will find somebody better. It will be a lot easier this time because, firstly, you have grown as a person in the past 25 years and know a hell of a lot more about interacting with women and treating them with respect than you would have back then, secondly, the technology makes it much easier to meet potential partners, and thirdly, you will come out of this with some understanding of what you really want out of a relationship.

In fact when you do decide you are ready, you will probably date more women in a month or two than you ever dated before in your life.

Weaver2018 posted 1/31/2018 19:26 PM

Wow LostInTheDesert, reading your statement about your soon to be ex almost emulates what just left me. I am pushing myself each day to be a better man. I want this to be over soon but like you I have to wait until Jan 15 2019 before they can file. I'm not going to pay for it unless I find someone worth pushing the issue. Right now I just want all the torment to go away because the betrayal hurts more than her leaving. We were not intimate for almost 3 years so that loss was the least of my issues. The worst was the betrayal of my best friend abandoning me. Which she was up until the betrayal. Her parents are at a loss as well as she doesn't even talk to them now. Whats really sad is her new lover is Never welcome at her parents home for what she has done. My father in law was the one that called me and I told him I was moving on with my life that I didn't have time to wait to move forward. Meanwhile I have made a list of books I need to buy and read. I am going to become better than ever I just have to get past this trauma first. I love the support everyone here gives its really uplifting when a person in this situation is at their lowest. Thank you.

anoldlion posted 2/1/2018 00:54 AM

I am sorry for what has happened to you. I want to make an observation and this is in no way meant to hurt you. You said that you and your wife had not been intimate is 3 years. No one I know of gets married with the intention not having sex. If one spouse is sexual and the other is not, for any other reason except medical and maybe even then, that is a train wreak looking for a place to happen. I have been married twice as long as you and my marriage is still sexual. Not as rambunctious as when we were younger but still very much alive. She had no right to cheat but was she looking for more action in the relationship? Once again, not meant to hurt you. Just an observation. I do wish you well.

Weaver2018 posted 2/1/2018 05:26 AM

I understand what you are saying, but it was I that was constantly asking her and she kept saying her antidepressants made her unsexual. So from that standpoint it was her that was rejecting me not the other way around. So after a time I would ask she would say no I would leave her alone. So in essence something changed recently in her and if it was due to a sexual change she didn't offer it to me she offered it to her convict lover.

Weaver2018 posted 2/1/2018 11:04 AM

Today seems to be going a lot better than yesterday, thanks to you good folk here keeping tabs on me I do sincerely appreciate each and ever one of you that has responded so far. I think each day gets a little bit easier but we will see how things continue to go. Again thank you all.

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