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25years For nothing

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Weaver2018 posted 2/1/2018 21:00 PM

Today was going well until I was teaching class this evening. She texted me bitching about having to get stuff for our son saying that I made more money than her and could afford to get stuff for him. She had made an agreement to pay us grocery money until the end of Jan. Last week she reneged on that agreement and did not pay us grocery money. I because of a snow storm only got 11hrs so basically my entire paycheck was absorbed by insurance. I had to borrow money from my parents to get us through the week. I still have regular bills to pay even though I didn't have to pay her car payment it just happened to fall on the week I only got 12$. So I reminded her of her failing to follow through on the agreement and thanked her for failing her son once again. All she could reply was I just don't have the money Sorry. I find it funny that she is still so stuck in her la la land that she will slowly fail my son completely as he feels uncomfortable around her convict lover. So he is sticking to his guns that if she wants to see him it just has to be her not with the convict. I'd say I am proud of him as in all honesty it is much to soon for him to be accepting someone else with his mother other than me. Now as for me I was very diplomatic and I didn't fall apart as I am over it I think. I had no emotion towards her I think everyone would be proud.

TimelessLoss posted 2/1/2018 22:23 PM

Well played Weaver. This sh*t isn't easy and it takes practice to become emotionally detached. It is all fresh and raw for you right now. You are gradually gaining control.

Weaver2018 posted 2/2/2018 10:50 AM

And she texted again, said "why dont you have your mom take our son up to social services and try to get food stamps and medicaid since he doesn't work and is applying for SSI" I said #1 he is on my insurance they will not give him Medicaid, #2 Both of us make to much money as his supporters for him to draw food stamps. If he were living alone in his own apartment that may be different. I then asked her does this mean your no longer going to support your son? She said yes I am going to support him. I then asked then why are you not paying for half his insurance and half his food? She said I can't right now I just dont have the money. I reminded her she was making 12$ an hour working 60hrs aweek why can she not afford anything? So far no reply all this la la land stuff is starting to catch up to her. And I am laughing. No worries I have my son covered but she should pay for abandoning us and pay dearly.

TheGuy123 posted 2/2/2018 11:55 AM

Keep a written log of what she is and is not paying.

The convict is taking her money and WW is to ashamed to admit she is giving it.

Weaver2018 posted 2/2/2018 15:36 PM

I know this is whats happening but she is in love and he is her soul mate they are destined to be together forever, I figure forever is gonna be about a year maybe about the time Christmas rolls around and she wants to go see her family and he is forbidden from going up there will cause a major dispute and vada bing she will be out on her arse. But thats not my worry, my worry now is if she is going to continue helping me support our son. If she doesn't when the divorce proceedings hit I will counter sue her for all the lack of support she gave for our son. Hell hath no fury like a father scorned. I went to my doctor today he gave me a test and basically said for someone to have such a drastic shock to thier system you are doing great. Although he kept me on the antidepressants and gave me Trazodone to keep me from having nightmares. Hopefully I wont get anymore stupid texts from her. Thank you all for your support so far I really appreciate it.

LivingWithPain posted 2/2/2018 17:23 PM

Weaver you are doing great. Keep up the pressure and don't let up. No cheater should be able to just abandon his/her spouse and children and suffer no consequences.

Your WW and her OM deserve each other. They will devour each other, because that is what scum do.

Weaver2018 posted 2/2/2018 19:10 PM

OMG gang score one for the home team and I wasn't even playing this round. Tonight she came and picked up my son they were gone from 5 till 7 and to put it simply my son busted her and called her out on about 25 things. He told her she was a weak woman for letting a coworker lure her away from me. That she had to smoke to keep her nerves calm because she was sneaking around and lying to both of us. He told her that under no condition would he ever accept her f...toy (my son is 22) That if he ever stayed with her he would have to have his own room and that her f...toy was not allowed near him. He told her he used to admire her but now she is lower than a crackw..... to him. That she brought this all on herself and she could have stopped and tried to do the right thing and if it didnt work part ways with dad but by doing it the way she did she is pretty much not his favorite person anymore. He said that she told him the week before that she felt like she was our slave and he called bull...t because he told her over the last three weeks he worked with me and my mom to clean my house and that she was a nasty person as she never cleaned anything and because she never cleaned it kept his allergies flared up all the time. Told her since we cleaned the house that he has been breathing better and not feeling so sick all the time. That her lack of caring and cleaning was making him sick so she catered to sending him to the doctor all the time cause he stayed sick all because she wouldn't clean properly. There was a bunch more that he told me and I heard part of it over the phone as he called me to ask where the vodka was when he got home. She was crying and sobbing saying I'm sorry....He told her mid call look mom sorry doesn't cut it this time you did this you need to own this. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think my son would be the dagger to do the damage...before this is over with his disdain for her f...toy as he called her convict lover my son will be the one to bring her to her knees over this. Whats even better, I had nothing to do with it I did not coach him I did not say anything to him I have just been loving and supportive of him since she left and stern about teaching him basic life skills that she neglected to do. While it still hurts that she is gone for what she did the betrayal, I have a super sense of pride in my son for being a man and calling bs bs.

Weaver2018 posted 2/2/2018 19:14 PM

Oh yeah, his grandma already had poured all the liqueur in the house down the drain when she cleaned..LOL So no he didn't have any booze tonight.
I don't drink...so no need for it in my home. :)

TimelessLoss posted 2/2/2018 20:30 PM

Weaver,

I wrote this on 1/27 and it's worth repeating:

BTW, I am impressed with your son and at the same time concerned for him, as I know you are.
He has to process this as well. Everyone in the family gets betrayed by the cheater. I'm glad he stood up for his boundaries. Just do all you can to model for him that you both will get through this. He already sees the difference in the condition of the house. My hope is that your WW will not push the OM on your son. It would obviously be harmful to your son.

Weaver2018 posted 2/2/2018 21:08 PM

Timeless, I totally agree with what you said and I am trying to model for him. I have had no contact with my WW unless she initiated it. My son has seen both sides of the fence and he likes the grass on this side better even with her gone. He sees her for what she has become and is processing it. If she pushes the convict on him I think he will snap and it will not be pretty. Me personally I am attempting to move forward. I am actually functioning up to full speed at work now with no distractions. But yes I do worry about my son the saving grace here is my Parents live 200meters away and my mother checks on my son daily and gives him advice as she is a pastors wife. A lot of what he told his mother was in essence regurgitated from what my mother explained to him. But I am glad he stood his ground this evening very proud of him as he was her bond here more so than me. So he will be the one to take her down a few notches before this is over with. I won't have to lift a finger as all I can do is show him love and support. Which I do everyday I come home the first thing I tell him is I love him and ask him how his day went. Our father/son bond is growing and the mother/son bond is weakening. That ultimately will be her weak point. It will ultimately be her reckoning point.

flowerfarmer posted 2/2/2018 22:19 PM

I have an 18 year old son with mental challenges. Whatever comes of the terrible situation you find yourself in, be proud that your son has found his own voice and can advocate for himself. You are a good father.

Dyokemm posted 2/2/2018 22:45 PM

Be proud of your son for sure...

But I think you better prepare yourself too.....

You may have had nothing to do with this (and I believe you on that).....but ready yourself because I doubt your WW is going to accept that or see it that way.....

She is going to rage at you for poisoning your son against her in the near future IMO.

My advice is to stay dark as much as possible and avoid the tirade.

Weaver2018 posted 2/3/2018 08:09 AM

Oh she can rage all she wants, she has to remember everything he said to her was true and she did this herself, she abandoned everyone as she was selfish and wanted what she has now. I haven't had contact with her for several days now. I am dealing with this day by day. It still hurts but with her gone for 3 weeks as of today Its slowly starting to fade. I am beginning to loose my anger over it as it was not my fault. She wanted this I didn't but I am not going to accept her back. I think her punishment for this will be with her own family as her parents have said that her convict is NEVER welcome at their home. That is going to be a deep cut in itself. Now with my son standing up for his independence from her and this atrocity she will pay with the loss of respect from her son. So I hope her convict makes her as happy as she wanted. But me personally, I hope she is miserable with her decisions, I hope that she is never happy again because of her selfishness. She has hurt a lot of people and for no real reason other than her being selfish and stupid. She was a weak woman to let another man woe her away from me. I don't need a weak lying woman in my life. She used to accuse me of lying all the time and now she has proven to be the biggest liar of all. So for me I am done I am trying my best to repress the memories of 25yrs and just trying to give my son all the love I can to help support him through this crap. After 3 weeks though I am tired of not having my best friend. I have no one to talk to and now I have to rely on typing my feelings out on here to basically share with the world. I hate not having someone to share how my day went and my hopes and dreams. All that is now coming to the surface is the things I truly miss the most. Thank you for listening and supporting me.

TheGuy123 posted 2/3/2018 10:51 AM

Hey remember your anger phase...it was not so long ago....so remember you came here for support and knowledge.

Please add to your list of things to tell your son every day "this is not his fault.

Just like all of us betrayed spouses here, your kid has the same questions. We can't always answer the "why is she so phucked up" question but at the very least talk to your son and work through it with him. I hope he knows there are phase to his emotion and it happens to all of us. It's part of the process.

That was good/healthy he was able to let all that crap out on your old lady....bad behavior has consequences... your old lady surly has some very bad behavior!

Weaver2018 posted 2/3/2018 11:23 AM

Oh I do remember my anger phase, and it still pops up now n again. But I have to get through this she is never coming back. It won't matter if she is the one begging back I will never let that happen. I did not deserve this, my son did not deserve this. So I am telling him every day exactly what you said "its not his fault" she lied to both of us she was the one that hid all this and betrayed us. I give my son at least 3 hugs a day now and tell him I love him. And yes I am still needing support sometimes I get overly aggressive I guess in my thoughts about this whole situation. What you guys say makes me sit back and think sometimes. I was told to look at my wife as a whole person to determine if she was a good or bad person. If you look at her with an open mind she is very simple minded and has done some very stupid things in life this one included. Right now I am angry that she picked a scumbag over me. But its not my fault she was weak and was wooed away. It was her fault for not loving me enough to prevent it. She had the opportunity to make this right before it started and for us to have parted amicably..but she opted to be the liar and cheat not me.

Weaver2018 posted 2/3/2018 19:21 PM

She called today, not texted but called, it was short she needed the combination to the storage unit where her stuff was. The whole phone call was like calling into Verizon to pay a bill there was no emotion from her no sound of remorse it was as though she hated even hearing my voice. She also did not text my son today like she normally does. She is going to break ties with him soon I can sense it. She is totally submersed in her la la land with the convict. For her to abandon her own parents for this guy tells me she has totally lost her mind.
On the bright side my son and I went out for dinner tonight and he got a kick out of me flirting with the waitresses. I also got an esteem boost as they were flirting just as hard back. I know it was all just the doing their job to sell food n drinks but still it did boost the ego and I got a couple hugs and kisses on the cheek.

Marz posted 2/3/2018 19:24 PM

Stop answering her phone calls.

Text only

Weaver2018 posted 2/3/2018 22:09 PM

You know that never dawned on me till you said that. I will make a point of that in the future to not answer her calls. If she calls I will simply text back with a simple What? and go from there.

goalong posted 2/3/2018 22:50 PM

No. Simply do not respond. Also act like she does not exist. Keeping track of how she is doing and what her feelings are giving you flash backs. What ver happens will happen as she did not choose well

Marz posted 2/3/2018 23:05 PM

You know that never dawned on me till you said that. I will make a point of that in the future to not answer her calls. If she calls I will simply text back with a simple What? and go from there.

For you:

Never answer a phone call direct. Let it go to voicemail. If it's not business, son or D related - no response

Text - same

You'll find that 90%+ require no response.

She walked out you owe her nothing. If you want to move on a hard no contact should be in place.

You are probably in a habit of responding to everything.

It may seem awkward but how did her actions make you feel?

No contact will get you where you need to be. Why stay in this drama? It gets you nothing.

You control your phone and yourself.

The only one who can keep you in this shit is you.

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