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25years For nothing

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paboy posted 2/18/2018 13:26 PM

sorry double post

[This message edited by paboy at 1:29 PM, February 18th (Sunday)]

Questioningall posted 2/18/2018 17:59 PM

Take an obedience class with the dogs. Make them yours—you might like them better once they’re better behaved.

OrdinaryDude posted 2/18/2018 19:16 PM

You son should do this more than you actually, since he wants the dogs.

You can’t expect better behaved dogs if they are not trained properly, and the owner needs trained too.

This is his chance to be more responsible and mature than his mother.

Weaver2018 posted 2/18/2018 21:57 PM

Thank you for the advice, currently the dogs are in a large kennel. Today was the second day of getting the house clean its starting to smell cleaner now as I have scrubbed ever inch of floor and used a steam cleaner to sanitize the floors. My son lets them out several times a day and feeds and waters them but they are not allowed to run around the house free unless he is playing with them. I am slowly forgetting her my chest doesn't hurt and I do not have nightmares right now. Not saying it wont happen tomorrow. I washed all the linens today and I am finally going to sleep in the king size bed tomorrow night. Just to tired from working all day to go up and make the bed. I will consider continuing with the plan to remove the dogs if my son doesn't hold up his end of the bargain.

Once I refurbish this house and replace 60% of the furniture I do not want that little male dog hiking his leg on new furniture.

When I am done with this house it will be a home that a woman that will love me will be welcome in. Some day I will find someone to where I am not unequally yoked like before.

I will keep everyone updated. I am only a month and a half in. I have a lot of healing still to do before this is over. I do appreciate the support so far.

The1stWife posted 2/20/2018 04:40 AM

Weaver. I’m glad to see some positives in your life.

Please remember you cannot control her but you can control your reaction to her.

You are setting a fine example for your son and I know he will make you proud.

You have changed the channel on your life. You rock!!

Weaver2018 posted 2/20/2018 13:13 PM

Well, I did sleep in the bed last night, actually was a decent nights rest since all this started. Last night I finished folding and putting all the clothes up, re cleaned the floors again. Each day the smell in the house is dying down. It all started really hitting my son yesterday. He told his grandmother he sees no point to living anymore. Took me a few hours talking to him and giving him hugs to get him off that train of thought. Basically explained to him his body is in shock it is now catching up and the pain of this whole situation is getting to him. Each passing day I get stronger, now I have to help him survive this as well. Come Friday he will have a relapse as he will be going out to dinner with his mother. Funny though I figure it will not be much longer that she will finally abandon him as well. I have one more message to send to her on Friday and that is if she does not get her car next Wednesday that I have already made arrangements for the towing service to come get it Thursday morning and they charge $35 a day to store it. I did call my lawyer and ask if that was legal and he said since it was appropriated in the Separation agreement that I am with in all legal rights to get it off my property. So time is ticking, and the sooner she gets it gone off my property the better. I need that space to store my tractors. Once this is all done next week I will have nothing more to say to her until the Divorce. I am trying to stay positive and now that the antidepressants have kicked in I have a bit more motivation to do things. Anyway thank you all for your support so far I really do appreciate it.

Jduff posted 2/20/2018 18:56 PM

He told his grandmother he sees no point to living anymore. Took me a few hours talking to him and giving him hugs to get him off that train of thought.

Consider starting some family traditions that just you and your son can establish from this point forward. Something you both can really bond over so that he does have something to start looking forward to next week and so forth. Maybe something that involves the dogs training. Is there a dog park nearby? If so, your son taking the dogs there one a week as an all around reward for the dogs training and your sons commitment to take care of them would be a great start. You and him both have a reason to get out of the house and exercises as well as socialize with other dog owners. Then after you guys are done at the park grab some pizza, beer or soda on the way back and watch a movie at home together. The dogs would likely be worn out enough they can peacefully lounge in the tv room with you guys.

So, since you're son is 22 does he really have to go to dinner with his mother? He can choose not to go if it makes him that uncomfortable.

Weaver2018 posted 2/21/2018 16:16 PM

Wow, today was a doosie, per my lawyer he instructed me to send her a text today since the final day that she has to get the car gone is the 28th. I also informed her that she needed to pay her insurance. The original text was sent at 3:06pm. Fast forward to 3:43 I received a text from her that says " Go and suck ur ....." I showed this to my son and he called her while he was on the phone to her another text came in at 3:46 that was telling me that I owed her for the last two months on My sons Phone. Mind you we had came to an agreement about the phone. So to sum it up she did not send the text as she doesn't know how to talk on the phone and text at the same time. So my son and I have come to the conclusion that her phone is hacked. So that means her little convict is keeping tabs on her because if she can cheat on me what could she do on him? I didn't respond as my text ended with there is no need to reply this is just a reminder. So my son has taken a picture of the conversation as she denied sending the texts to me. So this little episode may be the end of this whole fiasco for her. But she is not coming back here. While I am resolute its sad that I cannot conduct business with her without him intervening. After the 28th when all her stuff is gone I will no longer contact her til the divorce but I do feel that she needs to know the man she is with is not on the up and up. My son is going to show her tomorrow night when she comes to pick him up. While she will never come here EVER, she needs to not be with someone who is deceiving her as I do still have that much compassion in my heart.

beenthereinco posted 2/21/2018 16:34 PM

Not sure why you assume that she does not know exactly what he is texting, if it his him, under her name. I would assume that she was in on the drafting and approval of whatever comes from her phone number. You are assigning too much blame to this OM and not enough to her. Just assume that whatever you see or hear from her is from her. You'll get over this a lot faster if you'll quit feeling like you need to save her from this bad man.

Marz posted 2/21/2018 19:17 PM

Her OM is not your problem to resolve. Let her figure it out.

She fired you from that job. Stay fired.

[This message edited by Marz at 7:17 PM, February 21st (Wednesday)]

Weaver2018 posted 2/22/2018 07:42 AM

I have slept on this since last night, rereading the text it may very well have been from her as she probably is angry that her decision has put her in this position. She had everything and now she has to face the real world and pay all her own bills. My son is still going to confront her tonight and see if she did send the texts. If she did then on the 28th I am going to inform her that since she has to be childish and send me a derogatory text like that her Insurance will end on March 1st. I am not going to pay anything for her anymore. I will know more after I get home from Teaching class tonight and will follow through on my decisions from there. Tired of her thinking me the fool all the time. So now she will have to pay for her Meds without insurance and her medications total over $600. Not my problem anymore.

ZMarley posted 2/22/2018 08:04 AM

that since she has to be childish and send me a derogatory text like that her Insurance will end on March 1st

Don't do this. If you send anything, it is per your arrangement or agreement. You don't want anything seen as retaliatory. Keep the upper hand.

beenthereinco posted 2/22/2018 10:03 AM

Agree with ZMarley. be scrupulous in following the agreement so that nothing can come back on you. Any text you send say something like "Per the separation agreement I am terminating your insurance coverage on ...."

Also as to insurance I had to cover my XWW throughout the period while we waited for the divorce. I think this is pretty standard

ICaughtThem posted 2/22/2018 11:16 AM

Yeah, check with your lawyer before doing something as drastic as that, which you may not be allowed to do until the divorce is final. No point stirring the pot if your legally aren't allowed to do that.

Weaver2018 posted 2/22/2018 12:54 PM

I talked to my Lawyer today, per NC state law I do not have to carry her on my insurance. There is no provision in the Separation agreement that states that either. The agreement was between her and I in verbal agreement. Although he said it would be wise for me continue carry her just in case she incurs some massive medical bills that would allow the hospital or doctors to come after me. But it was not required of me to do that.

In my mind its not really retaliation as I am looking at it once the car is gone and I don't have to pay her insurance etc. I am free of her completely. No worrying if she is going to pay her portion or not at that point my ties to her will be completely severed and I will have no need to communicate with her until the divorce. Then only briefly.

LivingWithPain posted 2/22/2018 13:08 PM

Can I ask you about your son? Why is your son acting as a go-between? That is not his place.

Take your son out of this equation and tell him to stay out of this business between you and your WW. There is a slim chance that the stupid woman will come out of her fog, break off her A, and realize what she has done. You don't need your son and her at odds for the rest of their lives. He's her son and she's his mom.

If you have issues with your WW YOU deal with them. Leave your kids out of it.

ZMarley posted 2/22/2018 13:17 PM

That changes the landscape slightly. While you may not think you are not doing anything out of retaliation, it may look that way. In your own words,

since she has to be childish and send me a derogatory text like that her Insurance will end on March 1st

that would sound like retaliation to a third party aka judge. You don't want that. I would be more along the following in writing:

Per our verbal conversation on x day at x place, I informed you that I will not be carrying you on my insurance. Now that I only have 1 income to rely upon, it is not financially feasible for me to keep you on my insurance. Effective x day, you will no longer be on my insurance and it will be your responsibility to procure your own insurance.

I would give her 30 days from written notice. I realize that you don't want to give her shit and I can respect that, but if you go to court, you want to look like you are the nice guy and, despite her screwing you over, you are being fair. It's about winning the war and not a few battles brother.

CincyKid posted 2/22/2018 13:46 PM

You're being wise. Run anything/everything past your lawyer. Do only the things he gives a blessing to.

Weaver2018 posted 2/23/2018 05:57 AM

Last night my son went to dinner with his mom. I had told him that he need not be involved anymore other than calling me and passing the phone to her so that I could talk to her uninterupted by her convict.

So we talked briefly last night, she told me to take her off my insurance as she did not want to have to worry about paying me each month and causing rivalry. She also said she would pay my sons phone bill since I am paying everything else for him.

She also said she did not send the text and that she was going to get to the bottom of it. While I really do not care anymore next week will be the 2nd D-Day as it will mean that everything that was her will be gone. I will not have to deal with her in person until the divorce.

So now I am relieved of the retaliation aspect as she was the one that told me to do it now.

Anyway, now on to healing, time for me to start doing things to keep my mind off this. It still hurts that she did this to me that will take a while to go away. But now I have a clean slate to work from and start a new. Thank you everyone for your support.

Wool94 posted 2/23/2018 06:05 AM

You can do it!

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