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25years For nothing

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goalong posted 2/23/2018 07:47 AM

She also said she did not send the text and that she was going to get to the bottom of it.

Cannot believe anything the waywards say. Just wait to see whether she will get back to you on this. Do not ask though. Also make sure your son has a firm stand otherwise he will make more confusion going back and forth

Weaver2018 posted 2/23/2018 21:43 PM

After he had dinner with his mother I have talked to my son he is no longer the go between. Now I did talk to him on his stance on the whole situation and he said that he does not approve of his mothers actions. I told him that I am done she has said her piece and I don't care anymore. Whether she comes around or not doesn't even matter anymore. Now that I do not have to worry about hounding her for money I am done wit her. She made her bed she can lie in it and suffer the consequences.

Tell you all a tid bit my son told me tonight. Before all this happened she was very adamant about going out to eat all the time. Basically with my diabetes it was killing me to eat out as I could not keep my sugar under control.

So tonight I made a comment to my son that I was enjoying our meal and he said "you know its funny, now you will go out once a week to eat but mom can't anymore because she can't afford it." I simply said very calmly while I love you son, your mothers financial issues are no longer my concern. He goes "I know but I find it funny that she harped on you all the time to go out and eat and spend $30 a hit and now she cant afford it she has to be unhappy about that." I said son look I did not make that decision for her she did it without consulting either one of us. So if she is unhappy it doesn't matter to me anymore because she has not shown me any remorse and continues to use the excuse we grew apart. She grew apart and didn't bother to tell us. So, now lets enjoy our meal and not discuss her anymore as to me she no longer exists.

He took that very well considering, and he wanted to go into more detail and I had to stop him and remind him every time he tries to validate what she has done to just remember she left us. We did not leave her.

So, once she gets her car off my property it will be done completely for me and I am going to work on rebuilding my life. Today I made a decision after mulling it over for several weeks and reevaluating my needs. I went out today and purchased a newer car. My truck is over 12yrs old and is on its last legs. I needed a vehicle to drive to work and to get groceries.

Some will call this purchase a midlife crisis, my friend said its divorce crisis. Either way I needed a dependable vehicle so I took the steps needed to get one that would function in the capacity of my needs. I am the one that is the primary caregiver for my son now. So, I cannot afford to have a vehicle break down and cause me to loose time at work.

Funny thing that I feel so much better that this weight has been lifed off my shoulders. I have to give Kudo's where Kudo's are due and thats to God as he has really be watching out over me through this whole ordeal.

I may still need to post as I am sure there will be a back slide at some point as I try to move forward. Night all.

pureheartkit posted 2/23/2018 22:24 PM

No not a impulse purchase at all. You deserve something nice to drive. Nothing selfish about that at all. I'm glad you can keep your diet at home. My dad does that too and he is able to keep his blood sugar regular. He almost never eats out because of the extra calories, fats and all. You and your son will be healthier for it. It's better for your mood too to keep it regular. Everything's a little better when you feel better.
We only have a little time on earth, have to make it the best we can even through tough times.

Thanks for being a good dad to your son.


DeWittle posted 2/23/2018 22:50 PM

Some will call this purchase a midlife crisis, my friend said its divorce crisis.
You bought a truck not a vet. Save that purchase for after the D.

The son is a hard one but I think you handled it pretty well. State the facts but let him define his relationship with his mom.

paboy posted 2/24/2018 01:15 AM

I enjoy how you keep taking the high road, and yet still ensuring that it does not compromise your position.

Keep trunking forward Weaver.

Your moving out of infidelity.

Weaver2018 posted 2/24/2018 17:28 PM

LOL I actually bought a 2016 Dodge Challenger, in the last two days I have gotten more compliments about my car than ever. Its Silver with black stripes and looks like an unmarked patrol car. I had an man slow down in front of me when I was pulling into Walmart and after I parked and got out he came up and said "You scared the heck out me because I thought I was getting pulled" I had to laugh but it was fun none the less.

Irony of it all is my son goes, its a car dad its just a car.

No the WW has no idea I have it and no I am not going to tell her. I am going let her find out someday when she comes to get my son.

I kind of think its funny actually as when she was here all she ever complained about was money. Then the day she left she said "Love is not all about having money to survive"

But for years what she thought would make her happy was when I would buy her a new car. She never contributed to the bills with the exception of buying groceries. So she basically had 2/3 of her pay check to spend on clothes, shoes and leather coats.

Now she has to pay her own bills which is eating up 75% of her paycheck. She used to want to eat out all the time, now she can't as she just doesn't have the money. Irony is I hope Love can pay the bills or that Nissan Altima she has will get repoed.

As the Knight said in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade "She chose poorly"

So with that said, I am moving forward, I love my new car. I am getting stronger each day. Today I had to go that same route the fateful day I caught her and as I passed the house she is staying at I didn't hurt not even a tightness in my chest like a month ago. Being in the new Challenger helped I won't deny that. Based on my budget if I am thrifty I will have the Challenger paid off about the time we do the divorce papers. Then I will go and get a new truck, for now my old truck will tied me over as it will not be a daily driver anymore. Funny how a new hot rod can change your mood..:)

goalong posted 2/25/2018 10:00 AM

I thnik she was cake eating. emotional comfort from you and physical from pos. she was hoping that she could do it for ever. may be she is missimg her emotional comfort now as the POS is someone who is not capable of such things. Soon she will wear out the short term physical attraction and start to miss the family enviroment she had beofore. there is a good chance that she may seek it again with you.

Marz posted 2/25/2018 10:11 AM

From one car guy to another. Enjoy it !!!!

Use a good quality paint sealant. Nothing like a freshly waxed car!!!!

Stay a hard NC. She is till occupying to much of your head space.

Normal upfront but a hard no will get you where you need to be.

OrdinaryDude posted 2/25/2018 11:00 AM

Definitely enjoy it!

Iím about due for an upgrade on my motorcycle, definitely going to max out the horsepower on the next one!

Weaver2018 posted 2/26/2018 08:18 AM

I am enjoying the car, I was informed by my son she is coming to get her corvette tomorrow. I will probably be home but unless I need to I am not going out there when the tow truck and her get the car.

Today, I removed her from my Health Insurance, My 401k and Life Insurance as a beneficiary. Just One more step in the NC to get her out of my life. I had requested that she pay me 145 a month to continue it. She didn't want to do that so now I just gained 160 a month instead by canceling her off. Also they are going to pay me back pay as each month you are paying a month in advance.

I have taken step 1 and gotten me something for me. Step two is now planning to rebuild my home. Funny how now that she is gone my house is so much cleaner. I am going to work on 1 room at a time and completely refurbish it. Starting with redoing the walls and floors. Currently there is paneling and vinyl floors. Going to upgrade to sheet rock and 3/4" Wood floors. After I do that I will replace the furniture as well. So if I do that 1 room at a time as I get the money ahead I figure in 1.5 years I can have this home completely redone and the repairs paid for.

Once I get my home complete I plan on going back to school again its time I finish out my last two degrees. Plus it will put me out in public to socialize. I am looking at a 5yr plan without her and by doing this I will have much better success in the future. I will not have anyone holding me back and downing my dreams.

To the aspect of her seeking to come back, that will never happen. I will not tolerate being betrayed. I could never trust her again, no matter what I could never trust her as she has the capability in her to do this again. I don't want to be unhappy and by taking her back ever I would be doing just that longing for misery and distrust. Living that way, is not a way to live life.

I am starting to believe the pain in my stomach is actually from the meds I am on currently. I plan on going back to my Doctor soon to get him to slowly back me down off them by the 4th of July. That should take care of the stomach pains as I do not think they are emotional anymore. Anyway have a great day all will post more updates as time moves forward.

badmemory posted 2/26/2018 09:30 AM

Today, I removed her from my Health Insurance, My 401k.

I trust you ran that by your attorney. Unless you have a signed agreement with her, that could be problematic before your D is final. If you work for a company that provides both, I'd be surprised that they would allow you to drop her without a copy of the divorce certificate.

Weaver2018 posted 2/26/2018 11:20 AM

Yes, I did run it by my attorney. He said while NC does not have any laws that require me to maintain her on my insurance he advised me that I should just for safety.

However, she requested that I remove her so that she could obtain new insurance as she cannot have two insurances covering her. So per her request I removed her.

Also there is a provision in the separation agreement that she cannot incur any bills using my name so if she does not have insurance they cannot come after me as she is not allowed to put me down as a responsible party. That came from the lawyer.

Other than removing the car I am in essence completely done with her until the divorce.

She chose poorly, and eventually she will pay dearly for her transgressions. But that is not for me to worry about as it doesn't involve me anymore.

ICaughtThem posted 2/26/2018 12:20 PM

She chose poorly

How come every time I see something like that phrase, I think of that scene in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0H3rdfI28s0

Weaver2018 posted 2/26/2018 13:03 PM

lol, I actually said that in an earlier post that it was similar to Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.

Wool94 posted 2/27/2018 06:40 AM

I love your latest update!

Weaver2018 posted 2/27/2018 13:49 PM

Today, was D-Day for the moving of the car. She came over about 10AM. Now mind you I have told her that POS bf of hers was not welcome on my property. Then my dad got involved. He sent the guys that were there to tow it away. So she called the police and her POS. I am at work when all this is going on. Then my son tells me the POS is on the property. I promptly had my son pass the cell to the patrolman and told him I wanted to press charges for trespassing. The patrolman told him that he had 1 minute to vacate the property or I was pressing charges.

I asked her on the phone after telling her she was removed from the insurance and such if she was happy. She said "I think so!" I said your stupid, this is going to blow up in your face in the next 6 months and of course your parents are going to come to your rescue. But I want you to stew over what you have done. I want it to eat at your gut like a sour pill to know you are never welcome in what used to be your home ever again. I said "have what ever life your going to have I am moving forward without you and I will be happy so much so it will make you sick."

Then my mom sent me a Facebook message and told me the WS looked bad, that she looked haggard and worn out. That her skin was wrinkled bad and that she just didn't carry herself like the proud woman she used to be.

Fortunately I was at work I didn't have to experience the drama. I'm not in pain in fact I feel relieved that its all done.

Maybe now my life can get to a normal state now that I do not have to worry about her coming to do this or that.

Funny how things transpire. She is already paying for her transgressions with her health. Now to see how long it takes her to beg so that the final upper hand will be me saying "Sorry, that door closed the minute you walked out on your son and I.

Now to finish healing, and doing things for myself. The car was step 1 now to build a new bucket list of what life has to offer. :)

Jduff posted 2/27/2018 14:28 PM

I'm glad you had a chance to get that out of your system, telling her your final thoughts on her affair. She has no one else to point the finger at now that she has no more excuse to visit your property.

I'm glad you also got the opportunity to utilize law enforcement for your needs. Hopefully, the AP understand you not only know how to do so, but won't hesitate at the chance.

Your STBXW is going to have it rough for quite a while. Don't forget to buy the lawn chairs, popcorn, and favorite beverages for you and your son when that shit show starts to happen.

Weaver2018 posted 2/27/2018 18:36 PM

Oh boy, episode two of the day, I get a phone call from the inlaws. Basically they are switching sides because of what happened today. They are just as stupid as she is. They all deserve each other. After that call they need not call me anymore. I am done, she called me asking me not to press charges against her POS. That alone tells me she is so wrapped up in him that she is to stupid to realize what reality is well reality is about to hit her full force in the face.

All I want now is to be left alone. I want her to be an adult and co-parent as needed for our son. That is all I want. Based on what her parents said to me she is basically abandoning my son as well. He doesn't realize this but its about to happen rather rapidly.

Tomorrow is another day. I have everything done now. Now its just a matter of waiting until Jan 13th next year. If this blows up on her, then I guess I will have to pay for the divorce next year. If so I am going to continue to move forward with my plans. I am not going to be tied to what some would basically call white trash.

I think this whole drama show is done for me and I am leaving my seat to go home. :) But I will keep you guys posted. :) and enjoy my new Car.

fareast posted 2/27/2018 20:49 PM

You have done extremely well today and previously. Keep your head up and enjoy the road ahead. Strength to you and your son.

beenthereinco posted 2/28/2018 11:03 AM

Good job. As much as you might want to punish the OM I wouldn't press charges for this. If he shows up again I would but since the car is gone I'd let it go. Pressing charges just keeps you entangled with them for court and you don't want that. It isn't surprising that her parents have turned against you. This happens a lot. No matter how you think of them as family they aren't your family and will eventually go away. My xWW's sister who always told me how she loved me and thought of me as a brother immediately let me know she had always hated me when the divorce process started.

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