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25years For nothing

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TimSC posted 5/24/2018 16:52 PM

Are you in NC (North Carolina)?

A friend of mine divorced there several years ago and he said if adultery is involved the waiting/cooling off period is greatly reduced.

Check with lawyer. You could be free of her a lot quicker than you think.

Wool94 posted 5/24/2018 19:39 PM

WTG Weaver!

Jduff posted 5/24/2018 23:45 PM

 He asked her would she ever ask to come home and she said no I have hurt your father too much and he would never trust or accept me ever again.

This also means she's too big of a coward to even try. Too big of a one to own the A in full. If she was truly remorseful, reaching out to you would have been unconditional and without expectation of you giving her a second chance. It would have been at least the opportunity to tell you that her A was really all about her and her flaws and you had no fault in it. It would have been an act to help you heal. Now you know you made the right decision to move on.

paboy posted 5/26/2018 15:41 PM

Great to hear from you Weaver. Your one of the posters that I plug for. Keep up the good work, and we are plugging for you for a great future.

Weaver2018 posted 7/7/2018 00:44 AM

July 6th, Figured I would give you guys an update.
I am doing well have been dating..but that's a whole different story. All I can say is valuable lessons learned.

Today, the soon to be ex came by and picked up my son. Said she was going to spend the day with him. Ironically she only spend from 8 am to 1pm with him. But, my son came home drunk, she took him to a place at lunch and fed him and bought him two hurricanes. Then she proceeded to tell my son she plans on leaving her convict because now that the honeymoon phase is over she is right back to where she was with me. They don't go anywhere, they dont go out to eat, they dont go do anything because.....get this they have no money. I am sitting here stifling back a laugh the whole time.
I never thought I would see Karma roll around and hit someone so quickly. She asked my son, if he would ask me if she could store some stuff here until she could go home to Michigan to her parents. I still have not talked to her since the day she picked up her corvette. My son asked me to let her stay here until she goes back home to her parents. I looked at him in the most serious manner and said "No!" I said that would be the worst thing I could do as it would nullify the separation. That would open the door for her to get me for alimony in the divorce. So, I think its funny that my son still has such faith in her after she has lied to him several times in the past 6 months. Her latest promise is when she goes back to Michigan she will take him with her. Once again I sat there and wanted to laugh my butt off.

I have been sticking to my plans but funds department I have overspent a little bit. But I am still rebuilding my home. I have started back on working on my 3d printers. I even took a month or two trying to date...bad idea. Guys, what ever you do if you kick your ex out do not try to date to soon. I have found that the women I have been dating were great initially, but then they ask about what happened and as time goes on they ask a question here and there and boom all the sudden any conversation is about the ex. I told one the other night as I was breaking up with her that hey look this was great in the beginning and your obsession as to why my ex left me after getting to know me is disconcerting. She said "it just doesn't make sense, your so kind and loving and gentile. I was looking for the fatal flaw that would have a woman give you up." I said that is the fatal flaw I am no different today than I was with her it was all her doing not mine. So I broke up with her. Mind you there were other reasons but that was one of the big ones.

I want my past buried, I want to move forward not downward in the muck and mire of my past. I own where I went wrong and choices I made but I never once was unfaithful nor cheated. I know it's wrong that I should be laughing internally at my ex's misfortune but there is that part of me that is dancing for joy.

Anyway gang, again I want to thank everyone for the support so far. I am so much happier and every time, that I hear more of her misfortune, that I get even happier. I no longer hear from her parents..whoot whoot and I am no longer angry. Her leaving has been the greatest thing ever for me. I sleep sound at night, my home is running smoothly. I am paying all my bills on time. I can come home and the house is clean. My son isn't getting sick like he used too. I don't know how to describe it. But my friends and family said they haven't seen me smile in years. Looking back its hard to believe all the negativity that woman brought into my life because of her own self centered narcissism. So thank you for your support and I will pop in now and again until the divorce is final. I am just happy the pain and nightmares and self doubting are all gone. Take care everyone.

ISurvived7734 posted 7/7/2018 03:33 AM


goalong posted 7/7/2018 06:06 AM

ask/discourage/prevent your son from updating you on anything about hinder your recovery. She may be using his love for mommy to her advantage with her pity party

fareast posted 7/7/2018 07:27 AM

An excellent update and very happy for you. You have come a long way and you perservered thru the worst of it and came out better off. Your son is very lucky to have you. No contact means no new hurts. Your WW’s betrayal was driven by her selfishness and narcissism and her failure was very predictable. “Keep on keepin on”.

paboy posted 7/7/2018 11:37 AM

Keep rolling on buddy. The update is great. Things have a way of getting better when you do your best to improve. Congratulation on howmuch progress you have done thus far.

M1965 posted 7/7/2018 13:17 PM

Hi Weaver,

Many thanks for the update. I am glad to see you feeling better in yourself, and that you even tried dating.

As far as your past is concerned, I think women will always ask about it. That is just natural. However, the last woman you dated gave you some great insight into what they are looking for; if a guy seems terrific, why would a woman leave him? What I am thinking is that perhaps you can work up a kind of verbal summary, and get it on the table quite quickly, so the issue does not drag on.

Once a woman knows the dynamics of it, it won't be hard for her to see that your wife's actions were indeed down to her, not caused by you. In fact, once a potential date hears that your wife subsequently left her affair partner because they weren't leading the high life, your wife's basic nature will be obvious, and the cause of the break-up will be understandable.

Also, it is perfectly reasonable for you to say that it was a horrible period of your life that you do not want to keep rehashing.

She asked my son, if he would ask me if she could store some stuff here until she could go home to Michigan to her parents.

I am guessing that your answer to this was a resounding 'no'? I hope it was; it would not be wise to let her or anything of hers take up residence in your home again. It is very likely that her junk would be in your garage or basement for next twenty years.

All in all, it sounds like you are on the right road, and all of us here are rooting for you. You deserve happiness, and I am sure that you are going to find it.

NoOptTo posted 7/7/2018 17:13 PM

Happy for you Weaver. You can tell you son, not my monkey, not my circus when it comes to anything concerning your XWW. Keep moving forward in life. I'm glad your finding happ6in yourself.

Wool94 posted 7/7/2018 20:35 PM

Great update.

goalong posted 7/8/2018 09:38 AM

with all this pity from WW your son will get emotionally more attached to her. Sons and mothers are closer than sons and dads

Weaver2018 posted 8/10/2018 13:22 PM

Hi gang, well its been almost 8 months now since my WW decided to end a 25yr marriage. I have been doing well lately even dating and have met a nice woman not sure where its going to go but I am getting more from her than I ever did my ex to mostly include conversation.

Sad part of this update is I received a letter from the soon to be ex yesterday. It was an apology letter, apologizing for her actions her lovers actions and telling me I never deserved any of what she did to me.
I asked my son what prompted this letter and from what I can garner she is planning to leave her lover and go home to her parents in Michigan. I think its rather funny that she sent the letter and she did not even sign it.

Im not being a bitter person but I simply want to reply with I do not accept you apology as writing a letter and not facing me face to face is a cowards way out and with minimal explanation.

She did say she was ashamed as she damn well should be but even though I am moving forward I am not ready to forgive her or accept her apology just yet.

Here is why I feel that I should not accept her apology. Whether she is happy or not is not my concern. But I do feel that its not fair that she can just walk away from 25yrs with no repercussions. That she can simply leave me with our son and the dogs and everything else as though she has no responsibility. Her father is going to give her 75,000 her inheritance when she goes back to Michigan. I took care of her for 25yrs and I get holding the bag on several debts that she helped incur. I don't think its fair that she gets to simply walk away and not pay her fair share of our family bills. So no I am not going accept her apology for now. She doesn't get to walk away with a clean slate and a clean heart.

But if any of you feel that I am wrong please pipe up. I have personally not had contact with her since she got her Corvette. I haven't even seen her physically in over 6 months.

I know some are going to ask me how I felt...even in reading her letter my feelings were numb to anger...but no love or longing or even the entertainment of taking her back crossed my mind. I don't want her back but at the same time I do not want her to be happy, part of me sees this as Karma kicking her in the teeth but the other part of me sees this as her way of trying to walk away to her parents with a clean heart about what she did.

Gang you tell me what you think ...

xhz700 posted 8/10/2018 13:42 PM


She's just trying to make herself feel better. If she could be friendly with you, maybe what she did wasn't all that bad, right?

She is probably starting to see the hollowness that her life has become. Can't tell a Corvette how your day went. Let her sit with it, alone.

Don't respond at all. $75000 goes fast, she knows that.

Curious9 posted 8/10/2018 13:48 PM

She would hear nothing from me. Should would get no relief from her guilt. I would ask my children to not tell her anything about my thinking or my response to the letter when I talked with them. She doesn't deserve it and she is not entitled to it. If she feels guilty she can send a check.


RLinX posted 8/10/2018 13:50 PM

Glad you are doing so well

Personally, i think you are right on!!! Cheaters should feel pain equal to a doer than they caused!

I suggest that you EITHER respond with crickets, or a note with one of the following(no other words)...

Apology not accepted


Was it worth it?

Is it possible to have your lawyer to go after a part of the $75,000 during the final divorce process?

Keep up the good work, and have fun with the new lady!

[This message edited by RLinX at 1:53 PM, August 10th (Friday)]

Dismayed2012 posted 8/10/2018 13:53 PM

Hi Weaver.

Burn the letter. Use it to start a little fire in the back yard, roast some marshmallows, and enjoy the night air and sky. You're not required to forgive on someone else's timeline. Take your time and enjoy life. Their may come a day when you forgive, but it's not necessary to let her or anyone else know about it. She's chosen her path. Don't acknowledge that she exists.

Too bad that her father is enabling her bad behavior and choices by given her money. It's almost like he's rewarding her. He obviously doesn't understand the need for tough-love and how it would benefit her.

I'm glad to read that you're doing well. Hopefully you're over the hump and on your way to a happy, and much healthier life. It should be interesting to see if she keeps her promise to your son to take him home with her.

Thanks for the update. Take care of yourself.

CincyKid posted 8/10/2018 13:57 PM

You're moving on now. It's time to put the darkness behind you. If you reply at all then say something like "I hope it all works out for you and you find happiness. Goodbye".

Keep it classy and don't acknowledge her apology either way.

beenthereinco posted 8/10/2018 13:59 PM

Hi Weaver,
I don't blame you for being upset. The apology comes under the "too little, too late" category. Why not try this? Come up with a number from the debt that you think would be fair and tell her that you'd feel the apology was sincere if she sent you a check for that from the inheritance.

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