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25years For nothing

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Marz posted 8/10/2018 14:13 PM

No response needed.

Look man, she just doesnít deserve one

Mrhealed posted 8/10/2018 14:44 PM

The opposite of LOVE IS not anger, is indiference.

She doent derserve your fogiveness, not an answer and not your head space.

She didnt sign It becasue she didnt mean It, she just wants to keep messing with you, getting your attention. Dont let her.

Dont answer It, dont even Talk about tu with your son. I bet she will ask your son about It, and if he asks just tell him you read It and change the subject (dont let your wife use your son as Contact coerciůn)

Affair are not fair, not if R (thousand in MC, IC , work perfirmance, health) and neather D (alimoney, debts, etc). But you need to see it as the cost yo have your Life back, not something you Lost. This is the best investment you have done!!!! Get rid of that kind of person worth every dollar.

Keep moving and dont look back!

In no time you Will reach 100% indiference

Wool94 posted 8/10/2018 15:16 PM

I think I'm proud of the way you've handled yourself this far.

As far as the letter goes, I believe you shouldn't respond.

goalong posted 8/10/2018 16:24 PM

you need to know whether your son is party to the letter. If so you need to be guarded in talking with him about these matters. With her facing problems your son may want to help her. Like I said before sons are closer to moms

Stevesn posted 8/10/2018 20:23 PM

You deserved an apology. Iím glad you got one. For you, not for her. Even if it was not done in person, most donít get one. But itís not the same as changing and making up for what she did.

No, itís just words, not actions. Actions would include paying off some of those debts. Iíd be surprised if you ever saw something like that.

Did she ask for a response? Whether she did or not, I wouldnít respond.

A real apology is given without expectation of anything in return. So donít send anything in return.

She knows what she did. A truly remorseful person will know that an apology doesnít make up for it.

Youíre doing a good job moving on. I canít remember, is your divorce final? If not do you know when it will?

Concentrate on your happiness and taking care of your son.

fareast posted 8/10/2018 20:59 PM

I think Marz and Wool94=said it best. No response is necessary or deserved.

I believe you have four or five months to go in your state before you can file for D. Is that correct? If so, you have done a great job so far. Keep on, keepin on.

Weaver2018 posted 8/10/2018 22:44 PM

Thank you all, well I have mulled and mulled over it and I started writing a letter in Microsoft Word tonight its all electronic so if anything the response is for me and me alone as sometimes typing things out is therapeutic.

So now that I am home I am going to write out the letter here for each of you to peruse and give your additional opinions.

Mind you there is no salutation like dear so n so or just so n so to start.

Letter { I am writing you because I know you won't answer the phone. I don't want anything from you. Just to say I am very sorry for what I did. It took so long because I am ashamed, I don't know what I was so like that for. I didn't let him do that stuff to you, he did it on his own. I am sorry for that. Sorry does not cover what I did just because I wasn't happy, you weren't either. I went about it wrong. You did nothing to deserve what I did. I wish you all the happiness you deserve to have everything you want.}

and of course she didn't sign it.

My mother told me to stop harboring such ill towards her and that I need to forgive her and move forward before the bitterness of what she has done destroys me.

I no longer want to cry, I no longer have a pain in my chest and in all honesty I no longer even remember what she looks like.

So I will leave you to the review and let me know what you think and I will talk to everyone tomorrow.

pureheartkit posted 8/11/2018 01:19 AM

Weaver!

Your life is in a much better place now. Wow. I would let that letter rest. She has said her goodbye. At least you won't have to worry about seeing her here or there. Don't worry so much about women asking about your married life. They don't want to get burned and are trying to understand if you are safe to trust. The only way to find out is to ask. It's natural these days.

She can find her way the same as you did. Too bad she couldn't before but it's history now.

DIFM posted 8/11/2018 05:34 AM

My mother told me to stop harboring such ill towards her and that I need to forgive her and move forward before the bitterness of what she has done destroys me.

I would listen to mothers loving advice. Sorry for all the pain you went through. You are fortunate to be out of the toxic cloud. That is a great things.

Happiness to you and your future.

ChamomileTea posted 8/11/2018 06:56 AM

There's no way I would respond to that letter. No way. Your STBX is fishing. She appears to be the "drama queen" type, so the LAST thing you want to do is give her any crumbs of attention of centrality.

He apology is vague and unsigned. That's probably because she's trying to write it in such a way as to not look bad if it ends up being read by the judge in your divorce proceedings.

I wouldn't feel too badly about the money she's getting from her parents. With very careful planning, it might last her two years before she spends it all. Meanwhile, if you move quickly on your divorce, that money might work in your favor if she attempts getting spousal support, because if she does, I'd go for repayment of half the family debt. She'll probably take her money and run if it comes to that. Best to move quickly before she's out of cash.

I'm sorry this happened to you, but it does sound like your home is a peaceful place again.

Butforthegrace posted 8/11/2018 07:05 AM

Crumple the letter a bunch of times so the paper is kind of soft. Wipe your butt with it after using the toilet. Fold it back up, put it in an envelope, and send it back to her.

23gone posted 8/11/2018 07:36 AM

As others have told you , this will be a seemingly endless rollercoaster with torturous pain and agony ,then extreme rage and every other indescribable unpleasant range of emotions you will ever feel. I felt accepting that this was "real" and couldn't be repaired took an unbearable amount of time. I to lost 25 years ,now Im divorced being 2 years 10 months past Dday. It is getting better.
That being said.
Your wife is "dead" and gone.
The FUCKING SCUMBAG that attacked YOU and YOUR family deserves NO MERCY.
YOU CAN SUE HIM... DO IT!!!!
Gather the evidence ,record her admissions .
YOU will never make sense of her betrayal.
BUT YOU can get some sense of satisfaction from putting the torch to that POSOM.
YOU have every right. I wish you healing and peace.

OrdinaryDude posted 8/11/2018 08:15 AM

This is all she would get from me...

antlered posted 8/11/2018 08:15 AM

If you feel you need to write a reply then go ahead. Write out what you want to say to her. Read what you wrote and think about what it says about you and how much you might still feel about what she thinks.

Then take your letter and hers and place place them in an envelop and drop it into a public mailbox. Address that envelop to your favorite politician/celebrity/televangelist. Make sure to leave off your return address. Stamp is optional....
Trash can also works and is less effort.

Once you have a few years behind you you will understand why all of us here are saying that no response is by far the best one.
Peace.

shiloe posted 8/11/2018 09:01 AM

No response it best. Stay no contact.

Let her mull over "crickets".

She does not deserve a response.

Mrhealed posted 8/11/2018 10:33 AM

Weaver,

IMO this letter is not for you. It is for her to ease her guilt and minimize what she has done.

In WS minds if you forgive her and become Friends, the A and the D were not a big deal. Also if you agree marriage was bad and you were unhappy, her A was a consequence not a cause.

She is begining yo see waht she has done and what she has tossed away, and she is not liking It at all! Well she needs puto her Big pants Girls and deal with her actions.


goalong posted 8/11/2018 11:39 AM

Do not let her go with no obligations. considering all the abuses and neglect, the least you can do is request child support from her for your son who is going to depend on you for sometime

Weaver2018 posted 8/11/2018 12:32 PM

I sat up last night writing a reply, finished up about 3 am after typing 6 pages. I am not going to send it but for me it was calming and I was able to get the words I needed to say down on paper so to speak even though it was Microsoft word.

I will never send it, I have decided that there is no need to reply. I read the letter to two of my close friends both of them have echoed what many here have said. No reply is needed.

Odd thing after two days I still can not muster up any feelings for her.

I have been trying to date and I have one specific woman now who is very loving and very caring. Thing I have noticed in my adventures in dating is some women have divorced their husbands but not through cheating. They have healthy honest relationships with their ex and they are taking care of their children and communicating better now than they did when they were married. It saddens me that I will never have that as my morals will never allow me to speak civilized to someone who could betray me so deeply.

I am happy with my current paramour she has been better to me in 1 month than my ex did in 25yrs.

Thank you all for your advice, once again everyone here in essence echos what I already have been feeling but sometimes you have to get a consensus to make sure your not insane inside sometimes. Again thank you for all your support.

Sincerely Weaver

Marz posted 8/11/2018 13:32 PM

Forgiveness.

Is a very loosely used term.

It may come with time but you can't force it.

When you get to the point she just doesn't matter anymore you'll have arrived there. It is for you anyway not her.

Words, letters, etc don't mean a thing.

It sounds like you're well on your way to letting it/her go.

She is after all meaningless now anyway

[This message edited by Marz at 1:32 PM, August 11th (Saturday)]

pureheartkit posted 8/11/2018 17:02 PM

Don't forget to visit us sometimes weaver. I understand that you'll be a busy happy man but it would be nice to hear from you now and again.

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