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25years For nothing

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Weaver2018 posted 1/24/2018 05:55 AM

no her parents are 750 miles away and they would never take them as they hate them too.

Weaver2018 posted 1/24/2018 08:04 AM

Its break time here at work, my focus is shot I try n try to work but my mind overtakes me and tries to drag me back down in the darkness. I dont even know how to be happy anymore I know I have to make it through this but how or where do I begin, everytime I look at the dogs I see her, everytime I look at my hobby I see where she said I failed her its like all that I enjoy has been stripped from me and I dont know how to recover. I have listened and I have heard but my mind keeps grasping at straws and its hard to fight it.

OrdinaryDude posted 1/24/2018 08:16 AM

If her parents won't take her dogs, they should go to a local rescue.

squid posted 1/24/2018 08:29 AM

Yeah, man. I hear you. It's a long, very difficult journey. I'm a year out and still a mess. A new hobby helped me. I stopped going to IC but I think I'm ready to return. Venting here helped a ton.

You've got a lot to process. You'll hear this a lot: the thing that will help you get through this is time. Things are still very fresh for you and you're feeling raw. I can't recall if you're going to an IC, but that should help you.

Just try to take it day by day. Keep yourself busy.

Weaver2018 posted 1/24/2018 10:52 AM

Geesh the drama just keeps rolling in. This morning I receive a text that I had a prescription ready for Tramadol...an opiate. Mind you I had this prescribed for me before Christmas for my kidneystones but found out that I could not take it. She called in and said to get it filled for me and she would be by later on to pick it up. I thought why would she be getting a drug that she knows I cannot take. So I called the pharmacy and had it canceled and informed her she no longer has access to my medical account. I dont know if she is on drugs or if she had planned on selling them either way I stopped her in her tracks. Tonight the inlaws are going to inform her that I could contact law enforcement and have her brought up on charges which is a felony. However since I averted the situation I am not going to push forward with that out of respect for her father. Is this madness ever going to end?

OrdinaryDude posted 1/24/2018 11:02 AM

I would have set her up to be arrested, and filmed it too...just sayin'.

TimelessLoss posted 1/24/2018 14:00 PM

Weaver, my spidey sense is tingling. Recommend you pull credit reports for both of you and freeze your credit.

TimelessLoss posted 1/24/2018 14:04 PM

"When tramadol is abused for recreational purposes, it can create a near-immediate sense of pleasure and happiness that’s often been compared to a morphine high."

track your son's meds too.

Weaver2018 posted 1/24/2018 16:56 PM

Well everything came to a head today. After talking to her parents and being concerned that she was on drugs. She called me to ask how much trouble she was in as she was only trying to help a friend that doesn't have insurance. She apologized and then proceeded to tell me that we were over that there was something missing in our home that I could not provide and that she was unhappy here. She said that all my talking to inlaws, son and such was only hurting them and not her. She said she is happy with her new man and to please stop worrying everyone that she is not on drugs and would take a drug test immediately and at any time to prove it. Said she was the same person she was in our home that she went to bed at 8pm and took her vitamins and put on her lotion just she did it with some one who loves her. She said she didnt want it all to go down like this but she was no longer in love with me and that it was over. With all that said I am devastated she chose a 2time felon goofy looking low life over me. So now to pick up the pieces with my son and move forward. Per the separation decree she has until the 28th of Feb to get everything out of my house and right now the only things left are the corvette and the two dogs. Now how do I begin to build a new life.

Dyokemm posted 1/24/2018 17:05 PM

Dollars to donuts the ‘friend’ she was trying to help because they do not have insurance was the 2 time POS felon....

Stop talking to her at all......if she tries to get ahold of you again ignore her calls, and if she attempts face to face communication tell her to get lost, you have nothing to say to her.....

Show her nothing but a mirror of the disdainful rejection she has shown you.

beenthereinco posted 1/24/2018 17:39 PM

Can she still get in your home? I unfortunately have some experience with addicts and if she is one or enabling one they will steal. He can probably convince her that it is "her" stuff anyway so why not go get it. Please be careful and make sure you have secured your home.

Weaver2018 posted 1/24/2018 21:40 PM

Locks have been changed and I have 3 dogs and my son is home 24/7 so I am not worried in that regard but it is over and I have to believe what she said as she sounded sincere that she doesnt want anything else to do with me. So now to just pick up the pieces and move on.

Weaver2018 posted 1/25/2018 07:24 AM

Day 12 now the arduous task of starting to move on....pain still there why does betrayal hurt so much?

TimelessLoss posted 1/25/2018 08:42 AM

pain still there why does betrayal hurt so much?
Seven billion people on the planet. Only one promised to be faithful, have your back, and always be there for you.

Strutter1960 posted 1/25/2018 09:15 AM

Weaver2018,

I've been following your post for the last couple days. Your experience is identical to mine relative to "the Switch" that gets flipped in their heads.
-Don't try to understand it.
-Do not try to find reasons of how you contributed to her leaving OR how you could have prevented it. Being an engineer myself I know your logical left brain will try to deconstruct and reconstruct the problem to search of a solution. No solution exists- only a best compromise.

I know these two things are Way, way easier said than done. The INESCAPABLE fact of the matter is YOU MUST WADE THROUGH THE PAIN. There is no easy way out of it- only Through.

I'm glad you got on antidepressants. Keep in mind the longer acting formulations take a month to build blood serum levels to an acceptable sustained, titrateable level. They helped numb the emotional pain in me, but they didn't make it go away. It will take time and effort on your part to De-sensitize your psyche and your heart from this fucking nightmare your wife has laid upon your world. Keep posting here. Put your feelings out in posts and ask advice. When you get some that rings true to you, Private message that person. Get a phone number to talk in person or skype or whatever mode you like. I'd be Insane by now if I hadn't found this site and connected with a few folks that took me under their wing.

My wife moved out on 9 Sept 17. 137 days ago. So I understand your mental and heartfelt anguish very well. I'm still in that hurt locker with you, but Guess What? It's not 1/5th as bad as it was on my day 12. Be prepared for more of the same mind garbage. The mind movies are the worst. I struggle with waking thoughts still however the duration and frequency are dissipating in an ever so gradual- almost imperceptible way. My wayward is a serial cheater. She admitted as much to me and has cheated in every marriage she's been in (x3). I won't change that flaw in her, Hell! I didn't even know it was there. I was blown away in her ability to fake her role as wife, mother, stepmother and grandmother for so long. I did not know all the facts about her previous life until I started talking to family. I was used- just like you until she got caught, exposed, and had no more use for me.

So here we are! You and I didn't ask for this shit but you've got to deal with it. Apply your engineering mind to this situation and develop a Gannt chart to streamline your vision of the road ahead.

Cut all contact with your Defective, disordered, Not trustworthy, Not dependable, Lying, Manipulative, deceptive image of what you thought was your life partner.
It is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT for your HEALING to not allow her to put thoughts or words into heart or mind. Trust me on this one. It is hurtful manipulation and you need to be free of these negative stimulus. The more you can master this discipline the better you will feel and think clearly.

YOU. DESERVE. BETTER.
YOU (and WE!) WILL SURVIVE THIS.

PS- Brother! Don't forget to EAT! Your body, mind and soul needs fuel to navigate this.

[This message edited by Strutter1960 at 9:16 AM, January 25th, 2018 (Thursday)]

Weaver2018 posted 1/25/2018 10:57 AM

Its lunch time, I have to go teach class tonight, I appreciate everyone's input so far even with the antidepressants its still fresh and raw. I want to move on I want to push forward for my son I want not to hate I want to be happy. Its been so long since I smiled I look stupid if I try. I stopped trying to make sense of it all because right now none of this makes sense. My friends and Parents say push her out of my mind that she made these decisions and its her actions that show you she no longer loves me. She betrayed me by lying and cheating not only to me but to everyone. How can a person devolve to such a level that all that they held dear at one point is of no consequence the next day. I hope that Karma truly pays her a visit and bestows on her the pain and anguish for all her past misdeeds but she seems to be living the life of Riley as she has never had to truly pay anything for what she has done in the past not only to me but to her previous families. I'm still pushing forward through the pain, I am still trying to subdue the ever aching in my chest. I am told by my friends and parents I am a good man and that I in no way deserve what has been laid at my feet. I am trying to keep a feelings journal of how I feel each day and a short blurb as to what I need to accomplish for that day. Today I just got to get through teaching class this evening. Hopefully that will get me back on track for my hobby of 3dprinting and creating in general.

ICaughtThem posted 1/25/2018 11:34 AM

How can a person devolve to such a level that all that they held dear at one point is of no consequence the next day.

You're assuming that your WW actually holds anything dear. Others here would state that waywards only hold themselves dear. Everyone and everything else is second to them. It's where selfishness and entitlement come from.

griddeniefr posted 1/25/2018 13:16 PM

Sorry you are here and all the pain you are going through. I was married 26 1/2 yrs. when my WH decided to reconnect with a former GF whom he dated for 2 months / 40 years ago.
I also felt the tremendous pain of being with someone for 29 years total and being crushed and betrayed.

I hope that Karma truly pays her a visit and bestows on her the pain and anguish for all her past misdeeds but she seems to be living the life of Riley as she has never had to truly pay anything for what she has done in the past not only to me but to her previous families.

I have seen the karma bus hit my WH the past 6-12 months as he has been plagued with medical issues and could not be in an affair or be with a new side piece.
However, I know I'll never see the OW get hit but I imagine it will happen to one of her 3 married girls. She was a widow who knew as I told her constantly that she was speaking to a married man. The daughter that lived with her 2 years ago did not approve and kept telling her that...saying you shouldn't be doing this, he's married. So her daughter had more scruples than she did, but her son in law was getting the message that it was ok because my WH was unhappy in his marriage. In fact, all of her SIL's know about the affair but to what extent, I don't know.
I know you want your wife to hurt, and hurt worse than you. Remember with everything that she has done to multiple families she will crash eventually. Bad people eventually pay for their misdeeds but we just may not be there to witness it.
Stay strong, you are doing well under the circumstances.

findingjoy posted 1/25/2018 14:11 PM

Fortunately or unfortunately, eventually she'll realize that it's not all rainbows and unicorn skittle farts in infidelity land.

Likely soon her economic situation will sink in.
Her family's reaction to her will sink in.
Even then she might dig her heels in and proclaim that she's in luuuuurve with her man-whore.

At some point, though, her current relationship will have it's issues, too. We can only speculate on them, but there are bound to be lots of them, and it looks like they're going to be doozies.

That'll be karma. Her history repeating.

Whether this karma hits sooner or later, if she wants to come crawling back, look back at your list of all the selfish things she's done, all the ways she used you and remember that she isn't who you thought she was, or who you wanted her to be. She's a broken, immature, stupid woman who threw away a whole bunch of people, including her husband and son for unicorn farts and rainbow skittles.

If she ever "comes to her senses" now, she can't be trusted.

1Faith posted 1/25/2018 17:29 PM

Weaver,

What you are feeling is completely normal. It is.

It is maddening and heart wrenching but normal.

You can't flip a switch and undo 25 years. It is not that easy, we all understand.

When the advice seems cold or callous it is because folks just don't want you to go through the pain and hurt they have.

IMO, you have to feel what you are feeling. You are going to be sad, in despair, angry, confused, disgusted, hopeful, resigned and then some. Just please allow yourself to process these emotions.

You are mourning your marriage. Yes, mourning. The marriage you knew is dead. That takes time to process and deal with.

Please seek IC for you. Perhaps counseling for your children. Keep posting. Good days happen, really shitty days happen.

You can't fast track your healing. You can define a path forward but you do have to deal with all the emotions that come with this devastating level of betrayal.

Be kind to yourself. Allow yourself time to process your new reality.

One day and one step at a time.

Hope your class goes well tonight and tomorrow is a better day for you.

[This message edited by 1Faith at 5:35 PM, January 25th (Thursday)]

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