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well he did it!

sunwillshine posted 1/29/2018 00:13 AM

A couple of weeks ago fwh and I got into a huge blowout because I wanted to put an opening in the wall below the stairs in order to access the storage space. I saw some great examples on pintrest. The argument was because he didn't want to do it. He is not that good with carpentry and he was worried it would not look good. When I suggested we hire someone to complete the project in a few months when I could save up the money. He was further pissed off. Saying we'd never be able to afford to fix it and the hole in the wall would not get finished. After the argument, we were able to move on and have a good day together. That in itself was progress. An argument usually meant we both sulked apart the rest of the day.
Well, this weekend, he cut open the wall and finished it with doors that he made. It turned out beautifully and whala, great access to storage.
He did it without complaints, worked his ass off.
We pulled out stuff that has been stored for seven years. I hung pictures that I have not been hung since we moved from our "home" seven years ago. I am now making where we are, "home." I had refused to do that for so long. It feels good to make a "home" again. Feeling pretty solid, today.

hopeforthefuture94 posted 1/29/2018 00:45 AM

That is wonderful!! I love hearing these stories. Enjoy the storage but most importantly enjoy the progress and your good day!

cactusflower posted 1/29/2018 06:33 AM

This is a huge step forward for your H! Fear keeps us from doing so many things. My H has had a big problem with this. After I discovered his EA, it made me look backwards at our life and realize he was a very weak man. I started to lose respect for him. A lot. Me - I'm kind of fearless.

I have said to him (about any given situation) - think about what's the worst that could happen? Are you making a big deal out of nothing? Are you overthinking it? Why do you let people take advantage of you? Why do you let your family bully me? What, and who are your priorities?

I find that researching a project or an issue rids you of so many fears and gives you strength. Knowledge is power. Knowledge helps us grow.

I often think of how many insights we all have gained just from SI alone. Think about how much strength and knowledge it has given you. You went from a lost, confused person to someone who started to understand and, hopefully cope with your situation.

As they say - "No guts - no glory."

Also - mention to your H that by doing this project himself, not only did you save money (say enough to celebrate with dinner out?) but he went outside his comfort zone to do a project he initially was afraid of. That's a huge step.

[This message edited by cactusflower at 6:34 AM, January 29th (Monday)]

Iwantmyglasses posted 1/29/2018 07:24 AM

Love this! Glad it turned out well. Working on projects together can be very fun.

tushnurse posted 1/29/2018 09:59 AM

We did a project together shortly after Dday, and I struggled w/ the whole thing, thinking is he just doing this to make it easier to sell the house when we D?
But he wasn't, he was doing it because he knew it was something I had really wanted, and would make life easier for both of us (it was putting closet organizers that look like furniture). It was a good weekend, and it showed us both how well we could work together when we wanted to.
It was a positive thing for us.

(((And Healing))))

strugglebus posted 1/29/2018 10:13 AM

That is awesome! I am so happy that a compromise was made and your house is more lovely because of it. Sometimes people push back against things out of habit and because saying no seems easier. I am glad he realized that you were giving him the opportunity to show love in a way you would really hear it. <3

findingjoy posted 1/29/2018 13:40 PM

It sounds like you're both learning new ways of being in a healthy marriage.


Catch44 posted 1/29/2018 14:08 PM

Very cool. Then decision making and working together having fun is such a good thing. Congratulations! :)

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