"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

hopeandnohope posted 3/12/2018 23:27 PM

Is this Karma or closure?

I check the jail booking log weekly waiting for EXWH to get his next DUI. His name shows up today as assault 4th degree domestic violence. He's been in jail since Saturday night. The honeymoon is over with the whore he said if I gave her a chance 'you'd like her. She's a nice lady' My happy shock doesn't last long as I hear the details and I'm sick about their screwed up lives.

Then EXWH texts me this evening. Haven't heard from him since Sept. He tells me his wife (OW2) stole the money for the down payment on his land, he's laid off and his truck is broke down. He doesn't mention the arrest.

He doesn't ask me for anything in those few texts but says I was right about OW2.

There was a time I really would like to know if he regretted cheating and losing the life he had with me. Maybe those texts are my answer.

His life can't get much worse while I'm living in the house we built, making very good money and seeing a great guy. I have joy in my life again.

Still not sure why he texted. I think I might have gotten a closure I've been hoping for and he's reaping what he's sowed.

freetogonow posted 3/12/2018 23:44 PM

Please do nothing to help him. I have to wonder at his motive for texting you in the first place. Maybe he was hoping you would offer financial assistance.

Violated posted 3/13/2018 00:03 AM

I think it's both. Enjoy your life sweet lady, and ignore his texts!

undertherug posted 3/13/2018 06:33 AM

I am glad you did not respond to him. If you had, his next step would probably be to ask for money, since you did not immediately offer help. I am sure he regrets how his life has turned out. Too bad, so sad. I love a good karma story with my morning coffee.

hopeandnohope posted 3/13/2018 09:08 AM

I imagined he would get a farm service loan and imitate the life we had--but with his much younger new wife. As he said 'he would have had a big ranch by now if I didn't hold on to my money so tight'..from a guy who couldn't stick with a job more than a few years.

But reality us very different. He got all the cattle, his equipment, some cash and NO DEBT plus a small rental I had before we married. He came out extremely well since he had nothing but debt when I met him. He still has his cattle I believe but nothing else. His world is crashing down.

He is not my responsibility anymore and I will not help him in anyway. Since 2013, when he started his affair, he blamed me for everything bad in his life while our life was a very good. Now he's blaming his whore/OW2 for his shitty life.

I was married to this pathetic immature alcoholic and spent 20 years stroking his ego and financing his cattle dream. The reality is he can't continue the good life without a woman to support him and his lifestyle. The goldigger OW thought he had money and she would be set. She's had many divorces behind her so I'm sure she'll move on easily.

So, our imagine of WS living happily ever after is just a fairytale and it's rewarding to know it's turned into a disater--the thought of them lovingly going through life is no longer--that's closure.

deephurt posted 3/13/2018 09:25 AM

I say its karma and closure. Also, I agree, don't respond. Don't let that crazy back in. He is probably looking for money but if he isn't, you don't need anything his mess of a life brings, in yours.

Enjoy you improved life.

Want2BHappyAgain posted 3/13/2018 09:38 AM

Thank you for sharing this . The grass isn't always greener on the other side...even if he had natural fertilizer !!!

I'm living in the house we built, making very good money and seeing a great guy. I have joy in my life again.

THIS^^^made me very HAPPY to see . I am so glad you didn't let your past define you...you made your own destiny !!!

Cephastion posted 3/13/2018 09:41 AM

I actually have found that blessing those who have cursed me or in another way of putting it: repaying good for evil that has been done to me has really allowed me incredible closure and peace in the past with sick, evil, twisted losers who refuse to do anything but harm themselves and those around them.

I realize that such a notion goes against human nature and reasoning. I also don't mean in any way that you or anyone else should enable or endorse such toxic, demented mindsets or behavior or the person who espouses such.

I only say it because sometimes it helps the "blesser" or good-doer who does such in the face of so much trauma and evil to get their power back and put the nail in the coffin of that whole, ugly thing. Kinda like Mr. Miagi honking the nose of the sicko in the Karate Kid movie. It shows that the giver (of good) is not even bothered or adversely affected/manipulated or mastered by the ugliness or naturally occurring anger from such ugliness. It shows mastery of one's self and one's own actions and heart. And for some amazing reason, it often sinks truth into the heart and mind of the offending party, too.

It certainly shows THEM what & who they lost and what kind of loser trash they got in exchange for that loss. It brings a kind of bright light and mirror into their face which they can't easily dismiss or ignore.

But also, it really snaps the feeling of being tied or connected in any kind of unhealthy, non-constructive way to that person or their crap.

Anyway, just a thought and personal testimony there. I'm still VERY much with my fWW, but I've used this with her before (when she was toxic/wayward) as well as other DEEPLY offensive, sick people who seem to delight in misery and in trying to share that misery with others around them.

(Thankfully, my wife is not like that anymore at ALL, btw, and hasn't been so for over two decades now, incidentally...)

[This message edited by Cephastion at 10:37 AM, March 13th (Tuesday)]

NoMercy posted 3/13/2018 09:58 AM

I see his text as a huge reminder of how RIGHT you were to dump this low life piece of shit and never look back.

Thank God you don't have to depend on child support from this foolish miscreant.

He didn't text you to let you know how 'right' you were. He couldn't care less what you thought about her. He's just looking for someone to help him out of the crawlspace he dug for himself under his lowest point in life, and he's probably run out of people to rescue him.

Leave his worthless ass right where it is.

smokenfire posted 3/13/2018 11:48 AM

The fact that expect you to do "your job" after you've been fired from that position by OW is utterly baffling.

I quit my job a few years ago. He still expects me to intervene with him and the kids. The ONLY reason they had a relationship is because I played peace maker and kept his mouth shut for the most part. Now the burden is on him and all four have him blocked on everything he could use to contact them.

He still tries to get me to "fix it". I offer only crickets.

I swear sometimes his balls are so big they drag on the ground.

cancuncrushed posted 3/13/2018 12:16 PM

This is one of those moments, after all the destruction has settled, and you are thankful that you are no longer married....

Its a hard path...but you are at the rainbow...

Don't feel sorry for him...don't help him....NC

JadeC posted 3/13/2018 14:18 PM

I would be torn about responding, because I think in their mind, the only reason you wouldn't respond is because you never received his text. If you do feel compelled to respond, make it something dismissive like "Who is this?" Or maybe "We are divorced. Text someone who cares. (Hint: NOT ME.)"
If he responds back, then you can ignore and he will know his message was received.

[This message edited by JadeC at 2:21 PM, March 13th (Tuesday)]

hopeandnohope posted 3/13/2018 21:19 PM

Thanks everyone for your responses. He hasn't texted anymore thank goodness! As for me, I'm enjoying the peace and quiet of my life. I very thankful the painful years of the affair and divorce are behind me...but boy were they tough! I feel for anyone still stuck in that pain.

JadeC posted 3/14/2018 16:44 PM

In the meantime, you could write a country song about his woes. Does he by chance have a dog that ran off?
(No offense intended to anyone.)

[This message edited by JadeC at 4:44 PM, March 14th (Wednesday)]