SurvivingInfidelity.com® > Reconciliation

Mamacesto posted 3/13/2018 05:18 AM

I am so sad. I was thinking the other night, no matter what path I choose, I'm always going to be sad. We are attempting R so I rarely think of D. When I do, it hits me how sad I'd be to go on living my life without WH. However - all of the pain from the A seems overwhelming. I'm 2 months out from finding out about the 2 last acts of the EA/PA. I constantly am thinking about EVERYTHING he shared with that bitch over 7 months. I will never be the same. It's so F'ing depressing. I want to feel good again

Luna10 posted 3/13/2018 05:56 AM

Our timelines are similar and all I can say is that the sadness is indeed overwhelming. I feel the same, imagining life without my WH makes me sad after all the dreams and hopes and happy times we shared for so long. I also feel sad knowing that even if we survive our marriage and relationship will never be the same again.

The truth is that I am dismissing the moments when my brain goes “right, lets think this through, what shall we do, stay or go?” Because I fear the moment when I will think about it deeply and realise that my pride, confidence and self respect took such a hit that I will call it a day. And I look at my kids, our achievements, I remember our perfect life and I don’t want to end it without giving it a real chance. I am aware though that a day may come when I realise it is a deal breaker. I guess it all depends on him and how he can build trust and a specialness about us that would make me think it is worth staying.

One thing is for sure, it is probably too early for both of us to make a decision that we will not regret. Staying is not even a decision we can make now because there is no guarantee it will turn out ok. Leaving our marriage though could be regretted later on.

Hang in there, we’ll see the light one day.

Tryingtobestrong posted 3/13/2018 06:52 AM

You're going to come to hate the "time" answer, but I'm 3 years out from D-day this month and it has been in the past year that the sharpness of the pain and betrayal has started to fade. I still think of it every day, but they are usually passing thoughts and don't carry all the sadness and depression they did the first 2 years. It happened, it sucked, and life has gone on and we are doing well.

There are a couple areas he is still working on - he still struggles to use MY love languages to express his love instead of his own - and a couple areas I am working on - recognizing that when he does some amazing act of service to help me, that is HIS way of telling me how much I matter, and accepting it for what it is!

Otherwise - I am not the same, but that isn't a bad thing. Do I still think about what he did with her? Not often. Do I still worry about it happening again? Almost never. Do I still think about the fact he didn't hesitate to throw 33 years of marriage under the bus for his "friend" - yeah, I do, but as I said, it happened and it sucked but I'm not going to spend all my time dwelling on what I wish was different.

I will say, I've always been the kind of person who can consciously put negative thoughts aside to focus on the good. That helps!

Evolving posted 3/13/2018 06:55 AM

You won’t be sad forever if you have a remorseful spouse and you both do the work to rebuild your marriage into a better, stronger version of what it was. Will you still have sad moments? Yes. But I believe that to be true about any trauma we go through. In time, you will have new happy memories and the A will start to “dull” for lack of a better word. But it takes time. So much time. My DDay was just about 2 years ago and I finally do see the light. Good luck to you in this journey.

strugglebus posted 3/13/2018 07:13 AM

No one is anything forever. Change is the only guarantee in life. You will never be the same but most people aren't the same through their lives no one escapes without scars. You are 2 months out from a major emotional trauma- it makes sense that you are sad all of the time right now, but that doesn't mean you will be sad forever.

What steps are you taking to care for yourself in this time of grief? Eat well, sleep well, connect with others (friends, family, SI), therapy, journal, meditate, exercise all help. Be gentle with yourself.

I also thought I would never be happy again. I was wrong. Odds are you will be wrong as well.

destroyed1 posted 3/13/2018 09:03 AM

for the first 6 months I couldn't even smile. Seriously.

Between 6 months and a year out - I would smile once in awhile. I would laugh for one or two seconds and then I would cry right after. Every single time. I missed laughing and being happy. I missed it so much.

I'm one year and 4 months out and even though my PTSD stress and anxiety has been through the roof, I have begun to laugh again.

Long periods of laughing where our cheeks hurt. It is fucking glorious.

and I don't even cry after now. I just sit back amazed at how much I missed it and that it was here and we all shared it.

It has taken a lot of work to get there. But I'm starting to feel we may be getting to a safer place.

[This message edited by destroyed1 at 9:08 AM, March 13th (Tuesday)]

Chaos posted 3/13/2018 10:03 AM

Just hit the 8 month mark. I didn't even feel any progress was being made until month 6. I am only just starting to have a string of days in a row where I am not sad. I'm in a funk now, but at least I know there will be an upswing.
I've started to laugh again. Randomly. Out loud. Until I cry and it is wonderful.
No. It will never be the same again. But I've heard it can still be good. Just different. That's the chance I'm giving in R.
There is light at the end of the tunnel. It just feels so very far away. But I've heard it is there and it can be a new beginning. I hold on to this.
(((Mamacesto)))

plew1218 posted 3/13/2018 23:16 PM

Whenever I feel sad I hop into the New Beginnings Group here. It gives me hope that one day, if things go south, I can still find a true love. Not that I need to find love again to be whole but that there are still fairytales.