"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

Peace123 posted 4/11/2018 11:38 AM

Just got back from my HB's poly appointment and should have the initial results by this afternoon. Dear lord I hope he passes. I need to know that I at least have the full truth after 2 D-days. I can't live with more "truths" trickling out over time.

HellFire posted 4/11/2018 11:42 AM

Your last sentence sounds like if he doesn't pass, it doesn't really matter, because you will stay with him. After two ddays. And after failing a polygraph.

If you continue to stay,knowing he's still lying, then you've shown him he can continue to disrespect you, and you won't leave,or file, no matter what he does.

It sets you up for more ddays in the future.

I hope he passes.

Peace123 posted 4/11/2018 11:47 AM

I completely agree with you. How do you stay with someone that you know is still lying to you? But then they told us the poly is only about 80% accurate, so what if he fails and was telling the truth? I guess I'm just really hoping her passes. I don't know what I'll do if he fails.

HellFire posted 4/11/2018 11:52 AM

If he fails, immediately schedule another test with a different reputable administrator.

If he fails that test as well.. then you know he's lying.

Polygraphs aren't 100% accurate. But the results are more truthful than a man who has given you two ddays..and failed a polygraph.

Smjsome1 posted 4/11/2018 12:44 PM

Hug - hope you have good results

annb posted 4/11/2018 12:54 PM

I agree with Hellfire, if he fails, set up another poly with a different examiner if you could afford.

Not all examiners are created equal. Hope you had a reputable one.

Hugs....

Peace123 posted 4/11/2018 14:04 PM

He failed. This was his second poly.

I'm devastated. He swears he's telling the truth.

beenthereinco posted 4/11/2018 14:09 PM

I'm sorry. He's not telling the truth. Do you know the questions that he lied on?

HellFire posted 4/11/2018 14:09 PM

Sweetheart, I am so sorry.

This is his second failed polygraph?

He's lying. You know it.

Time for him to have some consequences. If you're not ready to file yet, then maybe he can go stay at his parents? So you can detach and look at this logically,not emotionally.

What have been his consequences so far? What work is he doing on himself?

Unfortunately, he's not giving you any real options here. If you turn a blind eye to two failed tests, then a part of him will know he can get away with it next time. That you will believe the unbelievable. And you will be trying to reconcile with a man who is a liar. No successful reconciliation can be had when the cheater is still lying.

Big hugs.

[This message edited by HellFire at 2:10 PM, April 11th (Wednesday)]

LtCdrLost posted 4/11/2018 14:22 PM

I'm so sorry. Your pain comes though your words so clearly.

hurthumiliated3 posted 4/11/2018 14:37 PM

Peace123, I am so sorry. I don't have any advice to offer, but can send a hug.

Dismayed2012 posted 4/11/2018 14:38 PM

I'm sorry to hear about your situation peace.

"He failed. This was his second poly...He swears he's telling the truth."

He's lying. You're co-dependent. What are you going to do about it?

It's your life. It's time for you to choose how you will live it. Inaction is a choice too.

I wish the best for you.

Phoenix1 posted 4/11/2018 14:38 PM

He failed. This was his second poly.

I'm devastated. He swears he's telling the truth.

He can swear up and down, but it won't change the facts before you. He is showing you who he really is. Listen to him.

I know it is heart-wrenching and not what you were hoping for, but only you can decide when enough is enough. Nothing will change unless you change it.

I'm sorry.

Peace123 posted 4/11/2018 14:46 PM

I know you are all right. I am just so incredibly devastated. I really believed him. But it's not possible to fail twice, right???

changeneeded posted 4/11/2018 14:53 PM

(((Peace123)))

I'm so sorry. My heart really did just drop for you.

HardenMyHeart posted 4/11/2018 14:53 PM

I am so sorry you are going through this.

I can't live with more "truths" trickling out over time.

I'm curious, what does your gut tell you he may be hiding? Then, the next question is, can you reconcile assuming the worst?

[This message edited by HardenMyHeart at 2:54 PM, April 11th (Wednesday)]

sewardak posted 4/11/2018 14:53 PM

well, he only copped to sex when you threatened the first polygraph right? what did you ask him about that would be a dealbreaker for you?

i'm so sorry.

Chili posted 4/11/2018 15:05 PM

Peace - so sorry to hear this.

Do you think you've heard and had enough?

Your tagline says "crawling out of the flames."

What does that look like?

Sending strength.

NoMercy posted 4/11/2018 15:12 PM

I know you are all right. I am just so incredibly devastated. I really believed him. But it's not possible to fail twice, right???

I get the impression you're very open to allowing him to manipulate you into actually believing TWO different poly experts are 'wrong' and that he's innocent.

A man whose had NO PROBLEM AT ALL lying straight to your face day after day after day after day while he was cheating on you, THEN lied to your face on D-Day and told you it was only an online 'escape' and nothing had happened between them. He lied and lied about it, urging you into a false reconciliation based on his deceit Until someone ELSE had to tell you the truth - that it WAS a physical affair.

Every single time you've learned anything, it was always because you CAUGHT him, not because he suddenly decided to get honest with you. His first instinct - every single time - has been to lie to you face.

With that kind of track record, are you really going to try to talk yourself into believing his latest pile of bullshit about TWO poly experts being wrong because he's 'telling the truth?' I don't think this guy even knows what honesty IS anymore.

Be prepared for a whole lot more TT as other people tell you more facts or you accidentally dig up more dirt on him. Sadly, he sure as hell isn't going to suddenly get some integrity and decide to be honest with you.

That ship sailed a long, long time ago.

You now know the truth.

You can pretend 2 poly experts are wrong, or you can once again have to face the fact that you're dealing with a remorseless liar.

I'm sorry.

smilethrupain posted 4/11/2018 15:16 PM

I'm sorry Peace- my heart hurts for you. But you know the truth. The hardest part is accepting that truth.

What is it that is "in question" so to speak. More affairs? Longer duration? Actual feelings?