SurvivingInfidelity.com® > Just Found Out

brokendreamer posted 4/29/2018 13:04 PM

Let us BS's have a collective esteem boost and list our pro's and what we know of OM/OW's

I'll start with OW's

She is 13 years younger than me
She is petite and very pretty
she has a lovely figure
She has a very wealthy ex H and so has a lovely house and money (well her ex pays her)
She appears to have a decent job
She enjoys pubbing and clubbing and as such is more fun.
Oh and apparently she is dirty in bed
That is all I know about her

Me
Im 13 years older than her at just turned 50
I am degree educated
I had a successful career until the attack on me and PTSD, physical injuries
I am tall with long legs and average weight, could maybe lose a few lb's if Im honest (but thats happening whether I like it or not)
I am loyal and have never cheated on anyone
I loved him unconditionally
I share a son with him
I was his rock and whenever he had a problem, he turned to me and I was there.
I am a very good cook and made him lovely fresh meals everyday
I usually have a great sense of humour and a sharp wit, I make people laugh
Ex respected my intelligence and I was always his 'go to' person for advice and support
He respected my opinions and often repeated them as his own in company and on social media. 'Tell me what to write' was a sentence I heard a trillion times.
I am told that I look younger than my age (probably not now lol) and am attractive, though not a 'stunner' as he describes OW
I am a good mother to my kids and a loyal friend and family member.
I have a huge heart and will give anyone in need the shirt off my back.

I feel better for that as I am way to used to focusing on my bad points.

So come on, self esteem boost and go for gold no matter how egotistical it sounds. Will do us all good to blow our own trumpet for once. Collective and well deserved ego stroking :)

RockstarDad posted 4/29/2018 13:26 PM

I'm 36 with a great well paying career. Early retirement and a good pension to look forward to. Financial plan in place.
Good looking, in shape and take care of myself.
Most proud of being a great father. My kids eyes light up when they see me and I get hugs and kisses "just cause" on a regular basis. My user name came from what a coworker said when I told him about my wife's affair. He said that she is crazy and I was a rock star dad.
I am caring and don't have a lot of regrets as far as my actions in life. My IC refers to me as Dudley Do Right, I don't mind.
I put others before me one regular basis. I've talked myself up on SI to boost my ego a bit but pretty humble in person.
I've served my country three years overseas and serve in a different way now. I've been thrown into supervising and leadership positions in college, the military and now in my career at lightning speed. I always take responsibility when I screw up and live to be critiqued it always makes me better.

As for the OM who she left me for (moved in and we are D'd now). He is 9 years younger and a electrician. I guess he is better at electrical...other than that I mop the floor with him in everyway.

This ain't about me or you and the OM. And for what it's worth anyone who cheats on me ain't worthy of me. Adios.

brokendreamer posted 4/29/2018 13:35 PM

RockStarDad

Sure sounds like she 'affaired down' and the best sentence in your reply touched me deeply.

Most proud of being a great father. My kids eyes light up when they see me and I get hugs and kisses "just cause" on a regular basis.

That is priceless! and a lesson in life that will serve your children well in their future.

Their daddy is strong and a man of integrity, a hard worker who has served his country. A great role model and something which will be much valued by the right future partner.

Thank you for sharing and contributing to this thread. Onward and upward

The1stWife posted 4/29/2018 15:03 PM

I’m not a cheater.

I have morals and treat people with respect.

I am a good parent and a good kind hearted person.

Nothing else matters IMO

ZenMumWalking posted 4/29/2018 15:14 PM

I have a top degree from a top-flight university, teach and research at a university in a wonderful country.

I'm decent looking and giving.

I have made it past the worst of infidelity.

Oh yeah, and I'm NOT A FUCKING LIAR AND CHEATER!!!!

1girlsmom posted 4/29/2018 15:15 PM

Amen.

I'm not a cheater, liar or sneaky ass betrayer.
IMO, that automatically makes me better.
My H's OW has only been married 17 months to her H when she began flirting with my WH.
Trailer trash.
Dumpstersludge.

However...he DID pick her over me....soooo...

[This message edited by 1girlsmom at 3:15 PM, April 29th (Sunday)]

brokendreamer posted 4/29/2018 16:38 PM

There is a common theme here sadly. The better we are as people, the more WS seeks to accept. No wonder from reading here that they try to reconcile 9 times out of 10.
I am not the kind of person to forgive or forget so R is out of the question in my case.

But is good to hear stories from other BS's and to hear them focus on their good points.

Anyone skanky enough to get involved with a married man/woman automatically starts from minus zero on the morality and worth scale.

I consider myself a good person, I would NEVER NOT IN A MILLION years become involved with a still married man. I guess that is the fundamental difference between her and me and he knows it.

Not would I EVER post pornographic pics of myself on the net or to a man I barely new. I may not be petite and pretty, wealthy and stunning, but my God I would never lower myself to that.

I'll keep my pride thanks, you have him

brokendreamer posted 4/29/2018 16:44 PM

One thing I would like to add is this. I know 100% that if my ex had pics of me naked, he would NEVER have shared them. I was his wife, the mother of his son and i like to think he respected me more. I know for a FACT he would not have shared them, I was his wife and he loved me, he would never want anyone seeing his wife naked.

As for what he is doing now, I have no idea, I dont know this man.

brokendreamer posted 4/29/2018 16:47 PM

Loving this thread, Kudos to us all!
1girlsmom, you said he picked her over you, can you elaborate as from what I see on here that is rare

Makesmewannapuke posted 4/29/2018 17:19 PM

Well, I’m the odd one out here because my CH chose a dude over me so not sure how to compete with that one...? OM most definitely had a bigger dick. My boobs were bigger though....

Seriously though, in MC (mostly a huge waste of time and money for us but very eye opening) I found out my CH was/is pretty much intimidated by me. Aside from all the tangibles like looks, personality, skills, job, etc., CH said he finds it hard to talk to me because I’m so smart. Early in our marriage, CH took a job out of town for about a year. He got an apartment during the week and came home on weekends. I was home with our 2 y/o and newborn and working full time, commuting an hour each way. And I ROCKED THAT SHIT. Anyway, in MC, he says that time was so hard for him because he felt like I didn’t need him. So I supported him working away from home because that’s what he wanted and I tried to make it as easy on him as possible and 8 years later, I find out that’s problematic.

My point to all that, cheaters just suck. They really are so effed up and nothing you did or didn’t do or were or weren’t could have helped them keep it in their pants!! BS, YOU are amazing!!

toughtotrust posted 4/29/2018 17:32 PM

I am Me!

OM is a poop emoji. My Wife decided to like him but he is just $hit.

2.5 years reconciled. Each year is getting better.

[This message edited by toughtotrust at 5:33 PM, April 29th (Sunday)]

de.va.sta.ted posted 4/29/2018 17:41 PM

I have two truly wonderful teenage sons, for who I am so grateful.

I am not cheating on anyone, at all.

I have chosen my family, and my boys know unequivocally I would never do anything to hurt them, like their father just did.

OneLittleVictory posted 4/29/2018 17:42 PM

Nice thread.

I am a professional engineer who has made valuable contributions to the project I have worked on over the years.

I am involved in my community and my church and I care about and have given back to both.

I make six figures. I'm not rich and my expenses always seem to rise to meet my income. But I am comfortable and I consider myself fortunate.

I care for my niece like my very own child. I help her and support her in every way I can as she works to make it through college. I don't have any kids but she's like my kid.

I am a good friend to anyone who knows me. I can listen and help and be trusted.

I have two beautiful cats who give me a lot of happiness. Sometimes I think I might be allergic to them, but I'd rather suffer than give them away. :)

I'm not the horrible guy that my wife thought I was when she had her affair and frankly, for our entire marriage.

My wife's other guy has pretty much only one thing over me: his looks. My wife said he was hot and women in general seem to think so. On the other hand, I'm kind of short and plain-looking so I'm not a girl magnet.

Otherwise he has no career and lives off his mothers (yes, that's plural; his father had two wives) and the women he sleeps with. My wife sent him thousands of dollars during her affair. He is completely spoiled and doesn't want to work. Incredible for someone in his 40s. He's a piece of trash who sleeps with married women - my wife wasn't the only one. He makes no contribution to this planet whatsoever. A total dead weight. A bucket of scum.

A good-looking piece of shit is still a piece of shit.

Simplicity posted 4/29/2018 17:42 PM

How about: I have integrity and loyalty, and while I have tons of other great attributes that I could easily outshine AP on, I think those two are what makes me a good human, and her lack (his lack as well) of those traits makes her a trash human (lol, my sister called my husband a garbage man, and I said, no! Those are hard working, wonderful people of society that provide us a service we could not easily live without. He is a trash human! Big difference!).

brokendreamer posted 4/29/2018 18:09 PM

Makesmewannapuke

Wow that is hard to imagine. The only thing I can say is that he was living a lie and sadly you were his prop. That must be devastating in many ways, but in other ways you can be assured it was nothing to do with you other than you were the wrong gender. It is the epitome of cowardice.

I am loving reading these replies, such genuine, great people, all victims of liars, cowards and the dysfunctional.

The thing that stands out is that we are not to blame, we gave ourselves wholeheartedly and were taken advantage of my damaged people.

Sometimes we have to accept that not everyone can be fixed, but we tried. On a positive note that role now lies with someone else. I dont envy them, a liar is a liar whomever they are with. Its our pain now, but the OW/OM's pain to come.

Group hug all round

Cephastion posted 4/29/2018 19:33 PM

+ The only time I tend to blow my trumpet is when I've had waayyy too much dark chocolate or refried beans.

+ It's unbelievably hard to be as humble as I am for as perfect as I am, but I somehow manage it, in spite of myself...

+ With all these good looks and charm, I cling tightly to my morals and good conscience to save money on the bodyguards I'd otherwise need to keep the women off of me

+ Being so devoid of insecurities or any undue desire for attention as I am, I never have to resort to sarcasm or humor or hyperbole in my writing or self expression.

+ People tell me I'm smart...And I'm dumb enough to believe then when they do.

+ I think I'm funny. (...That's supposed to be a little funny right THERE, btw.

+ I'm too sexy to be in this club...But then again, I reckon a LOT of the people on here likely are.

+ My "holier than THOU" means that my heart and back are BOTH more full of bullet holes and stab wound holes than YOURS (to whomever it may concern...not YOU, BD) likely is...(But then again, so what? I can still love (agape/phileo) you and have empathy in SPITE of that very likely fact.)

+ I have an actual and very real connection and "in" with the Creator and King of Heaven and Earth!

+ I've got friends in "low places" (like SI and a few convicts and embittered agnostics), too!

+ My life is so storied and colorful and traumatic that even me and my own wife can hardly believe it sometimes...And yet, I'm still remotely sane and relatively healthy...so far...

+ Everyone envies me for the awesomeness of the five children I have. They are abso-FREAKING-lutely INCREDIBLE. ALL of my friends and family and most everyone in the churches we've been a part of have been awed by their sweetness and respectfulness and willingness to be an asset wherever they go and in whatever they do. Total strangers have even paid our bill at restaurants (we're talking seven hungry people) just to say how remarkably impressed they were at my family's conduct and way of treating one another and those around them. (They even feel this way STILL with my wayward-ish oldest son who's out on his own now. I just wish I could still feel that way about him...)

+ 25 Years married and 22 1/2 years successfully reconciled with my fWW and infidelity FREE! (Crap, that actually IS pretty AWESOME, come to think about it, although SHE certainly deserves at least half the credit or so for the 22 1/2 years and infidelity-free part of that time at least...)

+ Still somewhat tender-hearted in spite of all the abuse and injustice and trauma

+ Much more consistent in my character and actions than my vent-laden posts on here would likely imply

+ NEVER talked myself up online to a bunch of other people (women, in particular) before now...

+ I've only been intimate with ONE woman in my entire life but my fWW insists I'm untouchable in comparison with her experience with other philandering, VERY experienced men (I only wish she hadn't gotten all that extra "experience" to be able to make that assertion from . ("One & only"-hearted manliness and sexual single-mindedness is still a PLUS in MY mind at least.)

+ Passionate. To a fault perhaps.

+ Oh, and my wife says I almost never smell bad! Only in the middle of summer on rare occasions when the work is particularly intense outside. And even THEN, it's only mildly so.

+ A Southern style gentleman. Perhaps to a fault there as well.

+ Generous. (Except when it comes to upgrading my status on SI...)

+ Merciful to others in a pickle.

+ Not so merciful to the pickle-ers (bullies), unless of course they are truly remorseful.

+ Verbose and very communicative. Perhaps to a great fault, in fact.

+ Confident in my convictions and beliefs, even outside of just religious-y ones

+ Hopeful that one day when the real trumpet gets blown for the One Who is Coming, that I'll get to be with Him and see all wrongs somehow be made RIGHT and every tear be wiped away from our eyes, and no more sin or shame or pain or injustice but only LIGHT and LIFE in darkness's place and stead.

+ ...also...I can stick my blue collar, American tounge out at a fine, lovely, upstanding British lady of the realm (who is even a health PROFESSIONAL) newb in the JFO forum and somehow manage to get AWAY with it!

[This message edited by Cephastion at 7:45 PM, April 29th (Sunday)]

brokendreamer posted 4/29/2018 20:37 PM

Laughing now, the wit and sarcasm just rolls off that soon to be stuck tongue!

Goodnight you 'goofball' see i'm learning American speak off y'all lol

Goodnight my lovely SI family, tomorrow is another day

Oftencheatedon posted 4/29/2018 21:29 PM

I am so close to 70 that I might as well claim it now. But I have ZERO insecurities about younger women. I never have. I look great in an age appropriate manner - think Helen Mirren or Meryl Streep.

Any man that I would accept would appreciate me for me. A man who wants a 25 year old bimbo (FYI - I was not a bimbo at 25 but I would never have looked at a 65 year old man or even a 40 year old) is not for me.

Not only am I attractive and smart - I also have morals. I am not a ho-bag. My current adorable DH (a non cheater) is almost a decade younger than I am. He adores me and brags about me all the time. He also jokes (but it’s true) that I could replace him in a minute.

Please and this is especially geared towards women because I am a woman do not get hung up on an OW being younger. A real man wants an equal partner.

If your WS doesn’t want you - well that’s on him or her.

Whether you are young or old, thin or not thin, cute or not you are still a human being who is worthy of love.

I know many ultra success men who love and adore their wives because they are smart and interesting. Some of these women are not pretty, some are overweight, some have physical disabilities- but those are just superficial things. They adore their wives flaws and all because they love who they are.

1girlsmom posted 4/29/2018 21:59 PM

Brokendreamer,
I just mean that my H had plenty of opportunity to stop his affair before it got involved.
We even had sex 2 weeks before I caught him.
He chose to start it to begin with so he chose the OW over me.
He says now he doesn't want D but the SI group said that's regret, not remorse so he still wants her, just doesn't want to give up half of his evertything & then some.

litost posted 4/29/2018 23:08 PM

I love the idea for this thread.

Oftencheatedon, you post was inspiring.

This is a good exercise for me because I was cripplingly insecure for two years over the XWH's A, especially since he wouldn't end it.

OW was not only younger but also much more petite, more "reckless" (read: dysfunctional). He wanted to be a teenager again, I guess.

OW was totally adrift in life and bone-dumb. That actually hurt more than whatever was going on with her physically. Like maybe X-manbaby wanted a weakling rather than an equal or, god forbid, a smarter woman.

But I digress...to list the OW's qualities:

1. Very plain looking. Thin lanky hair, exaggerated facial features. Overdone heavy makeup to compensate. Dyed her hair my natural color, lol.
2. Didn't earn a living.
3. High school drop out.
4. Serial cheater.
5. No friends.
6. No goals.
7. Terrible self-esteem.
8. Adult goth... He copied her aesthetic for maximum hilarity!

Boosting myself up is not something I ever did really; in fact, I am used to being torn down.

Not anymore, so here goes...

1. I have a heart of gold.
2. I am tall and in great shape.
3. Ambitious with a doctorate in science.
4. I am a loving daughter/aunty/sister/cousin.
5. I am a stellar friend.
6. I am affectionate, thoughtful, and LOYAL in romantic relationships.
7. Cute face, GREAT hair!
8. I am brave, and honest.
9. I learn from mistakes, and I don't give up.

Thanks SI family...