SurvivingInfidelity.com® > Divorce/Separation

Bulldawg2010 posted 6/9/2018 01:30 AM

So my ex wife had me served with restraining orders today. It was at work and it was the most embarrassing thing I’ve ever had to deal with.

Literally everything in her reasons for wanting a restraining order where either bold face lies, or exaggerations on the biggest scale.

She said and I quote word for word “ (Bulldawg2010 name took a gun (reugar380) out of a drawer and loaded it aimed it at his head and threatened to shoot himself of March 15th. ( That is true, if you go to my JFO post I don’t deny this.) he backed me into a corner and refused to let me leave ( this is an exaggeration, she was drunk and did want to leave, I volunteered to left and did so, I didn’t want her driving drunk at this point in time.) Earlier that night he swung at me and missed me ( This is a bold face lie, she did taunt me and try to get me to hit her, she kept saying hit me hit me if your a man. I walked away upstairs, never swung never did anything of the sort).

Drove by my apartment on the following days April 15th and April 12th. (I was still on the lease at this time and was getting all my small stuff from the apartment clothes, books, pictures, my video games and computer etc.)

Sent harassing text messages on numerous dates, all of which were either about the divorce proceeding or marriage counseling, of course I probably said some things I shouldn’t have after I found out about the other man, but NOTHiNG violent or could be taken as much. Called me after I repeatedly asked him to leave me alone, once again phone conversations that dealt with marriage counseling at first, then our divorce. All these dates listed all these dates listed where back in March/ early April. I haven’t spoken to her for two months now.

I’m to appear in court next Thursday, WTF do I do? Never in my life have I been so embarrassed and ashamed of this woman.

I guess me posting her affair all over Facebook really ticked her off, but good god I never in my life expected this to happen, especially since I haven’t spoken to her in two months.

What can I do to fight this? I’m in the process of joining the Air Force and a restraining order would kill that ambition. Is there any legal action I can take for false accusations? I need all the info I can get ASAP.

mike7 posted 6/9/2018 02:17 AM

friend - this is what happens when you want someone who doesn't want you anymore. It's like bringing a knife to a gun fight.

You need to completely detach. She doesn't want you anymore. If you detach, who cares that she files a restraining order on you? You don't want to see her anyway. You've got to be, "well, most of what she says isn't true, but so what? I don't want to see her anyway."

you see? It's over. Completely over. She doesn't want you. You need to accept that. Once you do, then you can begin to react properly.

Get a lawyer. tell the story. Go fight her charges. You don't want anything on your record. But then, forget about her. Move on. Have nothing to do with her. It doesn't matter what she says, because she can say whatever she wants. So can you. But the best thing you can do is show that you don't care. That would make her words look suspicious to anyone intelligent. Think of it this way, she can call you an 8 foot alien all she wants. But eventually, people will observe that you're not 8 foot, and you're not even alien. See what I mean?

do please get an attorney. at least to discuss things with.

good luck friend.

Bulldawg2010 posted 6/9/2018 02:25 AM

This has NOTHING to do with wanting her back, I haven’t been in contact with her for almost two months. Like the actual day she told me “she loved me but wasn’t in love with me” this came completely out of left field too. I even asked the cop if this was a joke.

I am seriously at a loss for words right now, and I do care about her filing the order against me bc it directly impacts my ability to join the military.

Can I even fight this? I’m sorry but I’m completely ignorant towards this bc this is legitimately the craziest thing that has ever happened in my life.

Chrysalis123 posted 6/9/2018 05:18 AM

Yes you can fight this.

Go see an attorney.

Ripped62 posted 6/9/2018 05:21 AM

You can fight this. You need to lawyer up. You need to ghost her.

This is all part of a drama game. Get a restraining order and then entice or provoke you into breaking it and off to jail you go. Then she posts on SM for sympathy (ego kibbles) and to smear you or gains leverage in future proceedings.

[This message edited by Ripped62 at 5:32 AM, June 9th (Saturday)]

sassylee posted 6/9/2018 09:41 AM

Bulldawg - you need legal advice ASAP. Don’t go to that court appearance without one. Don’t get a lawyer that wants you to take the least expensive route (agreeing to the RO). You need to present your evidence that you’ve had only legal contact with her, otherwise down the road it will look like you agreed with her statement of facts. Make sure your lawyer understands your goal of joining the Air Force and that the RO will impact that.

Bulldawg2010 posted 6/9/2018 10:38 AM

Thank you guys. Going to see a lawyer ASAP.

I thought this was over and done with. I guess posting her affair all over Facebook pissed her off more than I thought.

Adlham posted 6/9/2018 10:52 AM

Bulldawg, I just wanted you to know that it's very easy to contest a RO. If you have anything that can corroborate anything that can help you, it would help if you have that info. My ex had a letter from a friend he brought to illustrate that he cared for his child so he could at least have visitation (don't panic, my situation was very different from yours, ok? I had ER & State LEO reports).

Given your particular goal of joining the AF, definitely talk to a lawyer, though. Also, be sure to ask the lawyer when you should talk to your recruiting officer about it so it's all very upfront. You will have to tell the recruiter at some point, but I have no idea when the best time would be. I imagine as soon as possible though because court filings, I believe, are public record. Even if dismissed, it's still on file & still needs disclosed.

Good luck! Sending you a PM.

josiep posted 6/9/2018 11:03 AM

I'm not sure it would help at all but print out your posts from S.I. that give your side of the story because they are time and date stamped.

Where is your gun now? I don't know about these things but I'm wondering if taking it to the police station and giving it to them would help your case? Say that you scared yourself when you picked it up at an emotional time and that you've had it locked away ever since but upon further reflection, you just want it gone from your life. Or something like that. And, it goes without saying that you should ask your attorney before you do anything I suggest. I'm not giving advice, I'm just coming up with ideas. It just seems to me that having done something to get rid of the gun would play in your favor.

And last but not least, if you drink, go to AA and stop. Even if it doesn't help resolve this mess, it'll make a huge difference in your life going forward.

Good luck. Keep us posted.

Bulldawg2010 posted 6/9/2018 13:00 PM

Gun is in the bottom of a river somewhere. I threw it away a few days after I went to my first IC.

I’ve gotten a few lawyers names that I will be seeing Monday before I go to work

DigitalSpyder posted 6/9/2018 19:24 PM

Gun is in the bottom of a river somewhere. I threw it away a few days after I went to my first IC.

Hopefully, it is not held against you...But honestly, think about what you just posted...tell that to someone outside of all this and ask what they think...

Firearms at the bottom of a river...given all the movies you ever seen, almost imply guilt. While I am not completely familiar with how the AF deals with things like this, if i was investigating your security clearance...it would be easy to deny you. Because you tossed your weapon to the bottom of the river. It really would have been better if you pawned it, because you'd have evidence you no longer possessed it.

Forget the AF and everything else. You need to focus on you. Helping yourself get to a place where you are detached and away from this. The military will always be there. There will always be a need for those who will sacrifice themselves to the cause. But you, need to get yourself in a place from which this isn't an issue, no matter the service.

As someone who joined after dealing with infidelity, and someone who has seen the field of battle, trust me when I say that you need a clear mind and to get this behind you. It is do able. You can make it. If she is manufacturing this message, I'd fight as well.

A good lawyer is going to be your best friend through this.

Gemini71 posted 6/9/2018 21:15 PM

If you haven't already, get a voice activated recorder and carry it with you for any unexpected meetings with XW. In a He said She said situation, you have to be able to prove it. It's hard but you have to go strict NC.
As far as the current charges, definitely see a lawyer.

shakentocore posted 6/9/2018 21:36 PM

Make sure your lawyer understands your goal of joining the Air Force and that the RO will impact that.

Get a lawyer and fight this.

I would be wary of using any of the posts that admit that you threatened suicide as “evidence” if you want to join the AF. I’m not sure how that works but IMO that would be a red flag.

Simplicity posted 6/9/2018 21:51 PM

You need a level headed lawyer, you need to keep emotions out of this. You need to make your statement and stick with it. Get your facts together and make sure you don't waver. Make sure you are always on time to court and perfectly presentable. Even when you hear the bogus things she has in the statement out loud, you need to take a deep breath and stay calm. You need to impress on the judge that you are a normal and calm human being, and show these accusations are not believable. You may need to bring character witnesses if necessary.

Bulldawg2010 posted 6/10/2018 21:05 PM

Thanks for the advice guys.

I really didn’t want to get lawyers and the court system involved. We had a no contest divorce, but it looks like she just won’t allow me to move on from this situation.

Some of my friends are telling me she filed this restraining order solely to prevent me from going into the military. I’ve been in contact with her mother and she said she would try to talk to my ex wife to talk some sense in her. I told her mother if she doesn’t leave me alone, that I’m going to pursue legal action. How much is up to her.

I just want to be left alone at this point, and try to figure out the world by myself.

But this cheating bitch just won’t stop. She got what she wanted, she cheated on me, divorced me to be with this man, she is in her own words “free”.

So why the fuck won’t she leave me alone?

WornDown posted 6/10/2018 21:38 PM

STOP TALKING TO HER MOTHER!

That can Be construed (by the ex) in court as you attempting to violate the order.

The only person you should be talking to is an attorney.

Have you heard the saying: By the time truth gets out of bed, a lie has gone around the world? It's true. She can easily make all kinds of accusations, but it will take a lot of work for you to disprove them.

Your ex is clearly out to get you, so you need to be prepared: don't try to "talk" her out of it (that also means getting her friends/family to help you), lawyer up, document every conversation/interaction you've had with her.

Get the book "Splitting." It's about dealing with BPDs, but false accusations are common, and the book give advice on how to combat them.

[This message edited by WornDown at 9:40 PM, June 10th (Sunday)]

Marz posted 6/10/2018 21:44 PM

Get a good attorney and Fight to keep that off your record.

Once it's on it never cones off.

[This message edited by Marz at 9:44 PM, June 10th (Sunday)]

MrMagnolia posted 6/11/2018 13:26 PM

You need to be full NC with her and her family. I hope you get a good attorney.

I know you said previously that you are in a small town and that's part of the issue with NC. If that's still an issue I think now might be a decent time to consider a move. It can be good to get a clean start. Move away from all this mess and get on with your life.

Bulldawg2010 posted 6/11/2018 13:52 PM

Update.
Went to speak with my lawyer, he thinks that there is no way this restraining order will be upheld.
With this text messages that I have, that show us speaking on marriage counseling etc on the dates she claims I was harassing her disproves her claims.

He did say the gun to my head could be held against me and probably will. But the fact that I’ve remained no contact with her for two months also proves I want nothing to do with her or that she should feel threatened by me in any way shape or form.

She also claimed I illegally came into our apartment when my name was on the lease, I have a copy of when I removed my name from the lease so that part is thrown out.

If I was her, I would be worried about perjury. She will lose her job if she gets hit with that.

Simplicity posted 6/11/2018 14:05 PM

Omg yes... Perjury! That is what I'm hoping my stbx's fish twat mistress does when I depose her... Then I will report it to the proper insurances that will assure me that she may taken my husband who showed me how weak his integrity is, but I will take away her career if she messes with me. Then my STBX can have the jobless stay at home wife he always said he didn't want me to be (his complaints when I once suggested I might want to be a part time physician if we had kids). But it's not like he isn't already subsidizing her life now.

I'm glad you kept all the proof you need, and while you have the one smudge of having that whole threat of suicide incident, you are in a much better place now. I always wish to see the karma happen to people who have wronged me, but sometimes we just have to settle for what we can get. Once, I saw one guy who cut me off get pulled over! That kind of satisfaction is quite rare, indeed.