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I am probably over thinking this but....

TheBard posted 1/21/2019 11:29 AM

I met someone on OLD well over a year ago while separated (bad idea which I recognize). We went on 3 dates. After the third, she disappeared.

At the end of last year she resurfaced with a friend request. We exchanged a few messages. Apparently she was engaged, it ended and she thought I was nice and wondered if maybe we could get together, but first she was going to Hawaii to decompress for a bit. Which she did.

I sent a few more messages, including a Happy New Year message which she told me was very sweet.

This past Friday I received a completely unexpected message. She was home and needed a place to stay for the night. I thought why not. I still thought she was cool and attractive, so she came over and we hung out, had a nice time, she paid me several compliments, loved my house and told me that I was lost when we first met (true) but I now I seem to have it together. My DS came home so she opted to leave. No problem.

We discussed getting together on Saturday (the next day) but that didn’t happen even though a message to me said ‘I would like to see you again, possibly tonight’

Sunday she said she was spending time with her family and she would text me later. I’m still waiting.

So, do I reach out again, let her initiate or move on? She really bumped up my self-esteem with her kind words, but now I am starting to deflate. I know that it likely has nothing to do with me, but I would really like to see her again and don’t want to come across as too desperate.

Any thoughts?

nutmegkitty posted 1/21/2019 11:39 AM

I would not reach out. And if she does, I would proceed with extreme caution.

WhoTheBleep posted 1/21/2019 12:26 PM


Why did she need a place to spend the night? Does she not have a home? No money for a hotel?

Be very very very cautious...

Snapdragon posted 1/21/2019 17:56 PM

She was home and needed a place to stay for the night.

This is rather odd, don't you think? You went on three dates and then she ghosted you. Now, after a failed engagement she is back in contact and then this weird request.

No. Just no. Like WhoTheBleep said, be very cautious. Red flags are flying.

deena04 posted 1/22/2019 06:00 AM

On the red flag train here! Check her OLD and see how active she is. Will it tell you a timeline of recent logins. Do that to make sure she’s not just playing around. Although it does seem like she’s playing with your feelings either way. Be very careful.

EvenKeel posted 1/22/2019 07:27 AM

First off - she initially ghosted you. A person who doesn't have the class to at least say to you "I am not interested in dating right now but good luck on your endeavors" says a lot about their character. Maybe she did really recognize you were not in the right spot to date then. Fine. But just don't ghost ya. (thumbs down to her)

Now she reappears and uses you for her own bizarre need(s) and leaves you hanging in between?

This is the period of getting to know someone where one is to be on their best behavior. If this is her "best" - I hate to see what happens when she lets her guard down.

(Two thumbs down from this reviewer

TheBard posted 1/22/2019 14:25 PM

Yes, of course I know you are all correct.

What is wrong with people? I am starting to lose faith.

TrustGone posted 1/22/2019 14:38 PM

Don't let this girl make you lose faith. She is just not the right person for you and leave it at that. You have entirely different viewpoints on the right and wrong way to treat someone. Sounds like you may have dodged a bullet on this one.

HalfTime2017 posted 1/22/2019 14:56 PM


This is my 2 cents on the read.

She sensed that you weren't ready when you first got together, she was probably spot on, but she probably wasnt either. Either way, she should not have ghosted you.

She just ended her engagement, see whose potentially available for a rebound and there you are. Nice guy, available, so she wanted to come over and fool around. Your DS coming home ruined that moment. She was looking for some adult time, probably nothing more. She is probably ignoring you again b/c that was what she was after.

If I were in your shoes, I'd look at her this way. She is a booty call. Shes good for a booty call, and she won't be worth much else to you as far as a long term relationship. There is nothing wrong with FWB. You just have to realize that that is what it is.

As for reaching out to her. I wouldn't. Just keep looking for the good one, and if she hits you up again, just realize that its a booty call brother, and have fun.

IrishGirlVA posted 1/31/2019 11:43 AM

Look at your credit report and monitor your bank accounts. That's all.

LostHope8008 posted 1/31/2019 15:02 PM

She originally went on 3 dates with you without you knowing she was engaged? Do I have that right? She is a WS and was trying to find an AP (although, you wouldn't know you were being prepped for the AP role). That would be all I would need to know that I would not have any further contact with her. Don't go from one WS to another...

You deserve it to yourself to be selective. Use what you have learned to identify red flags early and often.

digitaldrifter posted 1/31/2019 20:32 PM

More red flags than a May Day parade in the Balkans... Shields up...

Marz posted 2/4/2019 20:54 PM

REBOUND Territory sounds like.

Danger, danger, danger !!!!!!!

Ripped62 posted 2/4/2019 21:41 PM

You will only get played if you allow it to happen when dating. Let her make the next move and then follow the SI ladies advice. She probably has one or two other fish (men) on the line.

If you absolutely must interact with her, meet or date her casually if you do not mind her crazy making. If you get serious be prepared for a heartbreak.

I still recommend following the SI ladies' advice.

[This message edited by Ripped62 at 9:42 PM, February 4th (Monday)]

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