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Long Term Affairs Part 39

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steph posted 8/19/2019 10:44 AM

Well, he told me this morning when I brought it up that he's done and he told her he was, so of course I believe him.

He told me I'd just have to trust him. You know I do.

He was on his way out this morning, we'll talk later. I'm so happy he's finally ended everything.

steph posted 8/19/2019 10:52 AM

Why Again,

So sorry you are going through this, honestly. I know how painful it is. I'm angry at myself for not leaving years ago but I loved him and he took advantage of me. I didn't believe my husband was the insensitive, selfish, asshole that he truly is. I was prepared to divorce then he claimed it was over, that wasn't true. Now I feel that window has closed.

Take care

WhyAgainWhyHer posted 8/21/2019 09:16 AM

Steph, how do you get to the point where you trust him? Because I don't see ever trusting my SO again. She's got some kind of something over him. She's like a drug. I can tell when they are fighting, or maybe she is ignoring him or something, he gets moody as hell.

What keeps me with him is that I love him and I can't imagine life without him. And she lives across the country so there's that.

steph posted 8/21/2019 10:46 AM

I don't trust him, he's given me no reason to trust him. I used to trust him and that's how he got by with an affair. He took advantage of my trust over and over and over. I only trust myself.

Chaos posted 8/21/2019 10:54 AM

Someone who had a LTA and then says "I swear I ended it - you gotta believe me" many times translates to "I'm figuring out how to go underground and buying time while I'm doing it"

And if he whines about your lack of trust [that he knows he doesn't deserve] that's not just a red flag - that's a red banner.

Ask me how I know.

steph posted 8/21/2019 11:12 AM

We have a big house. We've slept in different rooms. I've kicked him out. I planned a divorce.
Nothing seems to really stop him. I was seriously leaving but he convinced me and our marriage counselors that he was no contact and totally into being a better husband.

OW's adult daughter is messed up as was OW. Daughter has nothing to do with her mother, daughter keeps contacting and he keeps responding and going deeper underground so I don't know. I don't think he's having a physical affair with anyone anymore but keeping secret contact with OW's adult kid and giving her money is just plain disrespectful to me and wrong. Pick your family, it's not them.

He cried, promised and swore to me that he's done when I found him out a few weeks ago but I can't allow myself to believe him.

northeasternarea posted 8/21/2019 11:20 AM

What keeps me with him is that I love him and I can't imagine life without him. And she lives across the country so there's that.

whyagainwhyher, what are you doing to be prepared in the event that he decides to leave?

WhyAgainWhyHer posted 8/21/2019 14:13 PM

@steph, we also have a big house, no kids and have has separate bedrooms for years, mainly because of his sleep issues and crazy hours. I beleive him about this, but I wonder how that works when they are together. Since according to him, he just can;t sleep with someone in the same room...

@northeasternarea, I am hiding money, and I did talk to an attorney at one point. Our state doesn't recognize common law, but assets while lving together would count. He hates "messy" so I imagine he would love to pay me off to just go away. Money is not an issue for him. Being cheap has paid off for him well.

FamilyMan75 posted 8/23/2019 21:10 PM

I'm just feeling trigger. Has anyone hired PI to follow their wife a year after their final affair.

northeasternarea posted 8/28/2019 07:28 AM

FamilyMan, what has you triggered?

Chaos posted 8/28/2019 07:33 AM

No. But that being said, I go through periods of hyper vigilance.

FamilyMan75 posted 8/30/2019 10:29 AM

I was reading over in Just Found Out. I'm in a better mind frame now.

CaliforniaNative posted 9/1/2019 12:48 PM

Hello friends,

Well today is my DD 2 - 3 year anniversary. I almost forgot, but I put some inspirational words on my calendar to remind me.

“If someone keeps stabbing you in the back then quit handing them the knife”

9/1/2017 was the final straw, end of my 12 year marriage and his selfish antics. Some of you may be unfamiliar my story so here’s the cliff notes-

August 2017— Day day one admitted to 2.5 year affair with someone 20 years younger. After exWS begging, crying, remorse, I let him back into the home on the condition he breaks it off with her and goes NC. He signed a written agreement confirming this

September 2017 - Caught him texting her. Broke the agreement. Game over.

October 2017 - ExWS moves out

November 2017 - Divorce terms agreed upon and filed. I got the house.

December 2017 - Family dog of 9 years dies of Cancer

January 2018- Electrical house fire. I lost my home and most of my possessions. 2nd degree burns to my hands. In the hospital for two weeks, on medical leave for two months.

WTF

Sept 1 2019- Brand new house worth $$$$ in Ca. I helped plan and build it. New furniture with insurance payout. Trip to Europe with my son. Big birthday party/house warming party. Promotion. Dating. Financially stable. Drama free & Happy!!! No longer thinking about the affair and friendly towards my ex.

For those of you depressed, tired, angry and sad because the person you loved the most did this to you..... keep moving forward. Just because your world is falling apart doesn't mean you have to fall apart. Your life WILL get better. You are the Phoenix.

Have a great day. As the British say “Stay calm and carry on”.

gmc94 posted 9/1/2019 12:57 PM

thanks for the update CAnative!

Always good to hear BS recovering well.

steph posted 9/2/2019 09:44 AM

California-

Sorry you had such a crappy run there. I'm happy for you that things are now going well.

WhyAgainWhyHer posted 9/5/2019 08:03 AM

So happy for CANative! What a roller coaster you were on.

My trip is soon, and he is in a very good mood. Being extra nice, blah blah blah. At the same time, he is avoiding me more than usual. Maybe guilt?

I've decided to ask him what he did while I was gone, ha ha. That will be an interesting ride home. I also suggested to a neighbor that they invite him over.

Tallgirl posted 9/6/2019 05:42 AM

Wow CA. So glad things are great. You have had some crazy stuff happen amd you are rocking it!

Thx for the inspiration.

WhyAgainWhyHer posted 9/12/2019 10:29 AM

Well, here I go...He's in a terribly good mood. Even kissed me good bye and told me to have fun.

I have a friend that will drive by a few times and see what she can see.

steph posted 9/14/2019 12:55 PM

Why again,

Have you ever brought the topic of an affair up with your husband? Are you in counseling to get support?

WhyAgainWhyHer posted 9/16/2019 12:55 PM

He shuts down, won't talk about it, he will literally leave and go back to work to avoid the conversation.

I told him she had liked something of mine on social media and he immediately defended her. So I know where I stand.

Also, 2 things upon returning from my trip...all video from the surveilance system are mysteriously gone, and he had a fit when I walked in his room and he was in just a towel. I've never seen him move so fast, can't imagine what's hiding.

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