"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

mccloud posted 3/14/2019 22:49 PM

I have been feeling really sad and upset lately. I am Still not over my stupid lying cheating ex boyfriend. I just realized that it has almost been 3 years since D-day. And I still can't stop thinking about all the F'd up things that he did to me. I still look at pictures of all the texts and messages he has sent to all of his sanchas through out our entire relationship. And all of the naked pictures of him and all of those girls. It still hurts so much.

Phoenix1 posted 3/14/2019 23:22 PM

Sorry you're hurting, but know it is normal, even three years out. It is commonly stated healing takes 2-5 years, and it is not linear. That means a lot of ups and downs along the way.

However, I will also say that looking at those texts and pics are versions of pain shopping. Every time you do that it is like ripping the scab off, and it sets you back. I know the urge can be strong, but try not to do that. For your own healing. Try to put them somewhere (if you aren't willing to get rid of them entirely) where they are not easily accessible and you would have to really put forth an effort to get to them.

It will get better. I promise.

mccloud posted 3/14/2019 23:39 PM

Thank you Phoenix1. I know that you are right. I haven't been able to stop. All of these years.

Phoenix1 posted 3/14/2019 23:54 PM

Have you tried IC?

And just remember, it is not time alone that works magic, but what you do with that time.

[This message edited by Phoenix1 at 11:57 PM, March 14th (Thursday)]

lieshurt posted 3/15/2019 09:02 AM

Are you still living with him?

mccloud posted 3/15/2019 19:36 PM

I know that I need IC and yes we still share an apartment. But I rarely have to see him.

StillLivin posted 3/15/2019 19:50 PM

NC=no new hurts. You aren't NC yet. Even if you dont say a word, as long as you live in the same space, you won't completely heal. Every day, you see his things, some days you see him, you smell him, and everything is a constant reminder. It takes a couple of years with NC. So the clock won't start ticking until you leave or he leaves.
I highly suggest you work very hard at getting as far away from him as possible.

mccloud posted 3/16/2019 21:57 PM

StillLyin, I am finally coming to the realization that you are sooo right. I just wanted to be friends so that I could stay in contact with the kids. But he is such an add. It's impossible.

bookworm19 posted 3/17/2019 02:41 AM

You can't be friends with a person like this. Why would you even want to be? Please, move out and go No Contact. You will not be able to heal otherwise.

Are you still hoping, he will change or something? I am really trying hard to understand, but this:

I know that I need IC and yes we still share an apartment. But I rarely have to see him.

makes me wonder. Rarely is not no contact. What are ou trying to achieve? Is it really impossible for you to move out? Are you still waiting for remorse or closure? A miracle? Please, move out, this is just no way to live normaly. Be strong and courageous, you can do it!

[This message edited by bookworm19 at 2:41 AM, March 17th (Sunday)]

mccloud posted 3/17/2019 17:16 PM

Bookworm19, I know that there is No way that he will ever change. I am not expecting a miracle. He is who he is..