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12 Damn years later and I am back. - Need advice about my Teen

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ThisIsSoLonely posted 8/19/2019 11:12 AM

It's like so many of us believe if we can just name the pathology, it will hurt less and our WSes can magically be cured.

I for gone believe the "if we can name the pathology, it will hurt less" part, but also naming the pathology means my WH likely cannot be cured (or it will take too damn long) and it's easier to leave. At least that's my take.

Cooley2here posted 8/19/2019 13:05 PM

One of the hardest things in the world for people to understand is a personality disorder. I donít think the experts even have a clue. The manual that psychiatrist and psychologist work from changes because these people are so difficult to diagnose. People with personality disorders donít know they are disordered. They just know they want what they want when they want it and you are to get out of their way. They can be as awful as Ted Bundy or as ridiculous as the woman that worked for my husband and thought her lies were so believable. Even the experts try to pigeonhole people but you canít do that. Every person is different. One person with a narcissistic personality disorder might be entirely different than another person who has the same diagnosis. I repeat that people with personality disorders want what they want when they want it and you have to get out of their way or they will make you get out of their way. They will fight you in court over something as simple as a hammer. They will stalk, lie, harm you if necessary. When people come on this forum and try to make sense of senseless behavior it is so hard for those of us who have worked with people like this to get across to you that there is no explanation. This is just who they are. The best thing you can do when you have someone this dangerous to your mental and emotional health is to leave.

ThisIsSoLonely posted 8/19/2019 13:23 PM

I agree Cooley and the spectrum is just as difficult. My WH hasnít been diagnosed with NPD although he has a horrible time with empathy (and admitted it long ago) and it bothers him to the point that he is going to therapy of his own free will (aka not because Iíve said go or weíre done). In fact heís recognized that he has, in his own words, major problems with not only empathy but self esteem and fear and severe conflict avoidance and a whole bunch of other big ticket issues and he recognizes itís made is making him miserable but heís been at a loss of what to do for so long that now he will resort to trying anything. Granted does that make him safe or on the way to safer at least? Who knows. Not me and I donít think his therapist does either. He admits thatís heís harbored severe disdain and resentment toward me because I am the ďonly real relationship in his lifeĒ and simultaneously is incredibly fearful of losing that realness. That makes so little sense to me itís head spinning if I try to logically reduce anything from that. Personally disorders and crazy making even for people like me (the formerly sane).

I donít envy the OPs situation in the least. Dealing with these types of people whatever their ďdiagnosisĒ might be is a living nightmare.

annb posted 8/20/2019 13:36 PM

Hope you are holding up.

Please keep us posted.

Hopefully you have already set up an attorney consultation and therapy for yourself.

Adlham posted 8/23/2019 10:48 AM

Uddup, just checking in to let you know I'm concerned for you.

I hope that you are as well as one can be in this situation.

Sending you good thoughts.

Western posted 8/23/2019 16:12 PM

yeah, hoping for an update but I am thinking Uddup is keeping this to himself from here on in. I wish him the best

Booyah posted 8/23/2019 17:12 PM

uddup praying for you!

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