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Caught Her By Accident

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BeyondRage posted 9/21/2019 10:22 AM

Thumus

Weíre giving you advice that applies to all of our situations, where our WWís did none of these things or only some of them.

This appears truly unique.

What is not unique is

SHE DID IT BECAUSE SHE WANTED TO
SHE LIKED IT
SHE DID NOT THINK SHE WOULD GET CAUGHT

And I am surprised that in todays sexual climate that some simply can't grasp that a woman can just have meaningless sex but we guys can. Now those of us right here may not go for meaningless sex and some of have probably passed it up. But I have no illusions that the overwhelming percentage of guys out there would not be morally outraged at all if the opportunity to fuck my wife came to them.

There has been a lot written about compartmentalization. Space Ghosts, Walloped's and Lt Cmdr Lost's wife and yours were all able to do that as are many more. I have read some of those threads that were sent to me and could say a lot more. There is thread after thread here stating WW loves her husband while in an affair.

i would be honored to have a drink with all three of them but from what I read so far don't see how Walloped's wife has become a genuine heroine here based on her behavior when getting caught.

Lt C Lost. I doubt if you will read this but what happened to you, while putting your life on the line for us is about as atrocious as it gets. Unfortunately, that is a big problem in military because of the deployments. I am just happy you were able to not do anything when you arrived home that would have put you in jail for a long time, which I am sure you were capable of. Thank you for what you do and stay safe.

1st Wife

I disagree with the post denying the ďmid life crisisĒ theory.
My very wonderful therapist told me it is the #1 reason for D.

Just to point out your wife has been a mom since 25 or so. Maybe she feels she missed out on life. My H married me at 24. His Affair was as he was turning 50. Typical mid life crisis Affair. He didnít date much as he was a bit shy with women and I met him when he was 19. I completely get the mid life crisis syndrome.

There are tons of shrinks making a living dealing with Mid Life Crisis in men and women. It does not only manifest itself in sexual ways. There are a shitload of 65 year old guys riding around on Harleys they really couldn't afford or doing other crazy stuff. And there is plenty of information about women are prone to MLC when hitting the 30, 40, 50 numbers.

That is not an excuse but to say MLC does not occur is crazy.

MickeyBill2016 posted 9/21/2019 11:10 AM

That said, it is also troubling on some level that I canít quite put my finger on. Thereís an aspect of cold planning and forethought that I donít think Iíve seen elsewhere in three years of lurking around here. Itís almost like she prepped well in advance and did the kind of businesslike cost-benefits analysis we all fear our WWís did.

I think Thumos is reading a lot into the situation after the fact. It is easier to concoct a conspiracy theory or solve a crime by looking back at it than to be aware of it contemporaneously.

While devastating to BR and the M it is no different than the pilot or flight attendant who has affairs while on layover, a SAHM banging the contractor or in my situation my biz manager ex-wife hooking up with a vendor. Many waywards are 75% happy at home but looking for another 25%.

None of those things take a lot of planning and prepping. Just one step at a time, crossing one line after another and justifying it as it being ok. Other than planning fo the next tryst there wasn't a long term schedule.

I don't know what the female version of "thinking with your dick" is but IMO that what she was doing. Doesn't take a flow chart and venn diagram :)

Striver posted 9/21/2019 11:21 AM

I think in this case WW had a "coach/mentor" who could have given her more advice as far as how to approach the lifestyle... and what to do if caught. It's certainly possible. That may be different than many other WW.

BR, your WW clearly did not love the guys she was screwing. But she stepped out of the marriage for her own needs. Women and men all love sex, validation. Hell, if I'd been married for 20+ years, I'm sure there would be 1000+ women I'd rather have sex with than my wife. If we are clearly talking bucket list/novelty. You've had sex with the same person so long, someone new... again from a selfish perspective, it's a positive. It blows up lives, but that is an aftereffect.

I don't know, if you R or D it will probably never be the same. Sorry for all of us who go through this. You could marry another woman, you will probably not trust her the same. You will probably not trust your WW the same. ?!?

Marz posted 9/21/2019 11:24 AM

Not sure but swapping out OM 1 for OM 2 sounds like a business plan.

A vendor doesn't quite work out so you research and find another? Seems like kind of a methodical approach to me.

seekers posted 9/21/2019 12:45 PM

Wow cant believe what I just read. Look if you post vile disgusting evil nonsense on a betrayed thread note that it shines a light into yourself. Stop attacking this man. He isnt less of a man - only he can determine that. Not you!

Thumos posted 9/21/2019 14:20 PM

BR,

I really donít think Iím providing a good perspective or advice bc my situation with my WW is different from yours. I experienced Heavy gaslighting, mindgames, trickle truth, blameshifting, etc. That isnít happening in your case, or doesnít appear to be. Iím not offering conspiracy theories or trying to read too much into it, so much as I am just reacting to what youíve told us.

And what youíve told us about your WW is troubling to me, but again this is just my opinion: It appears on the surface a coldly methodical approach to adultery (obviously I was being snarky about Venn diagrams and the like in order to drive home the point). Maybe itís often like this? Maybe I just havenít read enough situations?

All I know is I donít read very often about a WW or WH carefully planning deliberate sexcapade trips, then documenting them in what amounts to a ledger of sport sex exploits. Sounds pretty businesslike to me. And Iíll be honest it makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. It makes me worry for you, as a ďfellowĒ betrayed husband, that thereís more to this ó or that thereís something really off in her personality that has been peeled back and revealed by this chain of events.

Maybe thatís conspiratorial on my part, but I donít think it is, so much as it is a cynical view of humans Iíve unfortunately adopted since becoming a betrayed husband. But in light of the things your WW did, I think itís cynically realist in mindset. Thatís just my reaction, so YMMV.

On the ďmeaningless sexĒ topic, I put quote marks around it bc my WW used that exact phrase. Unfortunately for me, I just donít have a grid for understanding it. Yes, I can conceptually ďgetĒ that people have meaningless sex, or tell themselves thatís what they are doing. But my own experience as a human is, I guess, lacking in this area. Iíve never had meaningless sex. Iíve only had meaningful sex. The only woman Iíve ever had sex with is my WW. It was always meaningful for me. My WW has told me she believes this makes me ďimmatureĒ about sex, and ďthatís your problemĒ that I was a virgin before her ó but I donít really believe thatís true. It makes me different, but not immature. I also felt that having sex with another man in our home was FRAUGHT with meaning: it defiled the family home, it was willfully planned with a series of deliberate choices, and it was a purposefully emasculating act.

I have a hard time understanding when people use that phrase (and more often it seems WWís use it). Even if sex is an empty act in which two people are using each other as masturbatory aids, it still has meaning. The meaning isnít great, but meaning is there nonetheless. One of those meanings can be a vacuous, terrible ďMr. GoodbarĒ subtext in which sex is demeaned, degraded and devalued so much that itís an ugly act of two beasts copulating. If thatís what my WW meant by the phrase, ďmeaningless sexĒ I suppose I do grok that, even if it makes me feel ill.

This is a long-winded post. Iím only sharing this so youíll understand why I made an earlier comment that Iím not sure Iím able to give you the best advice.

When my wife said these things, my thought process also went like this: ďOkay, so you didnít love him. And the sex was meaningless, awkward and Ďjust once.í So you blew up our family for ....?Ē

In any case, I do think youíre handling this very well, and I wish you the very best.

Thumos posted 9/21/2019 14:24 PM

Wow cant believe what I just read. Look if you post vile disgusting evil nonsense on a betrayed thread note that it shines a light into yourself. Stop attacking this man. He isnt less of a man - only he can determine that. Not you!

What is this in reaction to? Iíll admit I havenít read every post here. Did someone attack BR? I mean aside from his WW, obviously.

Iwantmyglasses posted 9/21/2019 15:21 PM

Yes there is a thing such as mid life crisis.

My personal opinion. I think your wife sampled a lifestyle she didnít like. Having your sneaky lies come out into the truth makes a very different picture in the light vs the darkness.

My father said 36 months is the time it takes to see if real change is true.

You know yourself, you know her, you know your family.

Also...donít make assumptions. It would hurt your wife if you had random sex or love sex. It all hurts.

You seem like someone who is very self confident. Your emotions will change many times regarding her infidelity.

Lostheart8 posted 9/21/2019 19:14 PM

BR ..... thank you for posting your journey. Iíve learned a ton from it.

Just a quick note to say....you are amazing in the way youíve handle the situation. I admire your courage, focus and dedication. No matter the outcome, I think you will know you were honest to yourself and beliefs.

Your wife is one lucky woman. I hope to find a man with your stead fast honor and integrity.

Wishing you the best.

Butforthegrace posted 9/22/2019 07:35 AM

On the ďmeaningless sexĒ topic, I put quote marks around it bc my WW used that exact phrase. Unfortunately for me, I just donít have a grid for understanding it. Yes, I can conceptually ďgetĒ that people have meaningless sex, or tell themselves thatís what they are doing.

There have been a lot of threads around this concept. Yes, as BR has said, both men and women can have "meaningless" sex. There is a whole thread in the "I Can Relate" forum specifically about this (although most of the betrayeds there are BW's whose husbands cheated by using prostitutes). I would note that there are countless posts here discussing the fact that cheating women almost always say this to their betrayed husbands as a part of their effort to minimize, and the fact that, from a man's perspective, the "it was just sex" is often more hurtful than it would have been if she had actually been in love with the AP. There is a gulf of understanding between women and men on this point. To women, "it was just sex" is less hurtful; to men, it is often more hurtful. What hurts us is that our wife chooses to inject time and energy giving sexual pleasure to another man, and break her wedding vows, simply because she desires sex with him.

Yes, I've seen plenty of posts by betrayed wives also bemoaning the sex aspects of their WH's affairs. However, what I have seen over and over is that, for a betrayed wife, the source of the pain is the idea that her husband enjoyed sex with the AP more than with her. For a betrayed husband, the source of the pain is that the WW chose to give sexual pleasure to another man.

But that is somewhat of a digression. Back to BR's point, women enjoy recreational sex also. Historically, our society imposed a heavy stigma on women around this, so as a practical matter there was probably less of it than with men, but nowadays the stigma is diminished and women are free to be a bit more open about the sex.

But context matters, and, specifically as to this board, the context is that BR's WW had her extracurricular sex while married to BR. In most marriage vows, spouses make an express promise to not do this. And in BR's case, his WW had a particularly clear understanding of this precisely because she had a friend who was in a marriage based on an alternative set of promises, an expressly open marriage. If BR's WW really thought that what she was doing was not a big deal, then why did she intentionally conceal it from him and lie to him about it. "It was just sex" is really a lie. She knew it was more than that. "Just sex" is something single people do, and married people promise not to do. She knew specifically that she was breaking her express promise to BR and, as Thumos notes, she did it quite clinically and even chronicled it.

That last part is what makes this thread so odd to me. It does remind me of the threads by betrayed wives whose wayward husbands cheat with prostitutes. BR's wife simply decided, unilaterally, that she would break the promises she made to BR in their wedding vows, and she did it just because she wanted some variety in her sex life. Clear-eyed, sober decision-making that she would betray his trust, break her promises, solely because she wanted to.

It pretty much breaks it down to the fundamentals. Some threads here involve a ton of marital baggage that infuses all of the decisions involved in the A. Here we have: "You made a solemn promise to me that you would not have sex with anybody else during our marriage. You made a clear-eyed decision to break that promise and fuck other men. You did it for no reason other than you wanted to."

Which places BR in a conundrum. What is his response to this? "Don't do it again, or else."

And as to his WW: "I promise I won't fuck anybody else, now that I've been caught." Ahem, you made that promise once already, yet here we are.

i would be honored to have a drink with all three of them but from what I read so far don't see how Walloped's wife has become a genuine heroine here based on her behavior when getting caught.

I think there are several reasons for this. First is that her behavior on getting caught was 180 degrees opposite that of most WW's. She did not trickle truth nor minimize nor DARVO. Instead, she answered Walloped's questions with blunt honesty. In that way, she treated him with respect, as a man. In so many threads here, the disrespect caused by the ongoing TT, minimizing, DARVO and similar tactics (such as in the case of Thumos), is as bad or worse than the A itself. The ongoing lack of basic decency and respect, after DDay.

Second, Mrs. Walloped almost instantly and completely had empathy for Walloped, the pain he was in, how it broke him. Again, this made her unusual in comparison to almost all other WW's we see here on SI.

Third, she threw herself very quickly and wholly into the task of helping him heal. She did this naturally and instinctively, without needing to read any of the books commonly referenced here.

There is another bit to her thread, the "why" bit, that wasn't discussed much but certainly impacted my own personal view of Mrs. Walloped: the profound degree of her life's circumstances and how it impacted her self-image as a human woman. As I recall, she was a SAHM living in an upper middle class suburb who had five or six pregnancies. Assuming the pregnancies were spaced like many couples nowadays, this means that for something along the lines of 10-15 years of her life she was either pregnant, giving, birth, nursing, or changing diapers. That stage of child care is all-encompassing, keeping one essentially homebound. Even after the end of diapering of her youngest, her life would have been a daily grind of getting kids to/from school, play-dates, extracurricular activities, etc., and preparing and planning food, clothing, and other supplies for them (and for her husband). For like 20 or so years, this would have been her complete existence.

Our culture tends to "disappear" women who get married. Their individual existence is gradually erased. My own wife and I note this constantly, and she is an accomplished professional woman with a career. It is insidious and happens in so many small ways: the death of a thousand cuts. For example, when we buy a car together, even if we put my wife's name on the title form first, almost invariably, when we receive the official title from the state, it is in my name. The man's name.

Add to this the isolation of a surburban existence, where people tend to enter their homes via the garage, keep the doors closed and locked, and not interact with neighbors. Mrs. Walloped was highly isolated and alone, and the sole source of meaning available to her was her children, who were becoming grown, getting married, etc. She invested a giant amount of herself into her family, moreso than many mothers would.

As that process waned, she didn't sit around fretting. She had a big heart, and a generous one. She sought meaning by volunteering. But she was young and inexperienced with men when she was married, then lived a life in a cloister. So when the serpent at her volunteer -- a man with enough wealth and unstructured time to own a Manhattan pied-ŗ-terre and volunteer during the daytime working hours -- started uttering saccharine words in her ear, we can understand that those words formed a sort of "perfect storm" within her. A woman who had been around the block a few times before marrying would have spotted him as a bullshit artist from a mile away, but Mrs. Walloped did not have that perspective and did not see his bullshit for what it was. She mistook it as sincere personal interest.

In other words, hers was a deeply human failure, one that many of us could understand at a personal level. Her decision to respond to that man's advances was a wicked decision. She broke her marital promises to Mr. Walloped. She broke them profoundly and continuously and often for a significant period of time, but this is an infidelity forum, every thread here involves somebody who did that. And this is a forum where, if the betrayed spouse wishes to reconcile, we offer advice about how that works and what it looks like. What is remarkable about her story is what she did after DDay. I've not seen another wayward respond like she did.

Let's not forget Mr. Walloped. First, he is a fantastic writer. His real-time posts were palpable, visceral, human. Second, he is a deeply spiritual man, a man who leads an examined life, a man with a large reservoir of love for his wife and family, a man whose heart can grasp what I described above and, in the face of her sincere empathy and remorse, find a way to reconcile with her.

I have a lot of respect for the way Lt. Cmdr. Lost and/or Space Ghost handled his circumstance. I have an equal amount of respect for the way Mr. Walloped handled his.


[This message edited by Butforthegrace at 3:22 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)]

Ganondorf posted 9/22/2019 08:01 AM

@THUMOS

It was probably in reaction to "TheGreatWide"'s post on the previous page which I wanted to address address as well.

He said BR is emasculated, should feel that way, wasn't good enough etc.

That seems like a really poor post.

Also in general it seems like you're all trying to convince him of something. I agree something seems fishy but at best all he can do is pay attention. An elaborate scheme isn't impossible. Maybe she prepped for being exposed well in advance. But it also seems a little far fetched.

Might be an interesting polygraph question though

Thumos posted 9/22/2019 12:30 PM

Also in general it seems like you're all trying to convince him of something. I agree something seems fishy but at best all he can do is pay attention. An elaborate scheme isn't impossible. Maybe she prepped for being exposed well in advance. But it also seems a little far fetched.

Might be an interesting polygraph question though

I completely understand what you are saying, but I really do not feel I am to convince him of anything ó because I donít even know any specifics of what Iím feeling trepidation about, just that my spidey sense detects something odd.

Iíve gone out of my way to ensure BR knows that my perspective is skewed and that I have my own deep and significant trust issues with regard to any act of infidelity.

Unfortunately or not, my default is that Iím ALWAYS going to assume thereís more or that a wayward (and especially a WW) is hiding something. This may not be correct, but I think itís my brainís way of protecting the physical organism that is me. I think that ďdefense mechanismĒ extends to other BHís and BWís on this forum bc I feel an empathetic instinct to caution fellow humans ó even people Iíve never met and will never meet.

I canít shake the feeling that something is off with BRís WW that hasnít yet completely surfaced ó and that the journal and how methodical she was about everything are somehow indicative of that ó but itís far from conspiracy theorizing or far-fetched. Itís just common sense to be suspicious after all of the behavior that has been documented here. That said, he may in fact know everything and she may in fact be a fairly unique WW who quickly realizes how badly she damaged the marriage.

This is BRís journey. He has a lot of information and context that we do not. Heís obviously a clear-eyed and clear thinking individual who is doing everything according to his values and what he feels is right. I support him in that and wish him the best.

As this is a support forum intended to provide practical and cautionary advice (even advice on investigative techniques if youíre a paying member) I would be remiss if I didnít share at least some of my suspicions with him. So thatís what Iím doing here.

MickeyBill2016 posted 9/22/2019 13:38 PM

Thumos said

I canít shake the feeling that something is off with BRís WW that hasnít yet completely surfaced ó and that the journal and how methodical she was about everything are somehow indicative of that

I have not kept a journal since my 5th grade english class journaling assignment..'
I have a friend who has a journal for every year. Since 1976. Spiral notebooks and those speckled composition books. Pretty impressive dedication to keeping track of their life...
Some people are like that.

If Mrs BR had always kept journals or diaries then keeping track of her work, trips, track times and extra curricular activities might be normal to her. "It was good day at work then I had a great race in Phoenix, came in 8th, my H was not there but I had fun after with fellow racers, flew home on Sunday..."
OTOH if the journaling was keeping track of on the road sexual scorekeeping that would be another story...

GreatWideOpen posted 9/22/2019 14:29 PM

I have edited my post to remove the part that other posters are taking exception to. I would like to clarify though that I was referring to emasculation as a state of being, not a state of mind. Part of her offence against BR that I was assigning to her, not him.
Because it appears her sole purpose in her betrayal was to have NSA sex with other men I felt it was highly relevant to point this out as a primary issue BR will need to work through in order to have a successful reconciliation. It's really most of her "Why?" IMO.

BeyondRage posted 9/22/2019 16:41 PM

OK, for the first time here I am a little pissed off so I am going to address it head on for those conspiracy theorists that are projecting nonsense, formulating Disneyland like "facts" that are borderline silly.

I have already stated some of it but here it goes again
(1) she has kept a journal for years. Her entries are not blow by blow minute by minute entries of her daily activities. She does indicate which times she met up and had sex with OM's , a total between the two of them of 7 times.
(2) There were other meet ups for lunch but no sex
(3) She never went to their residences

The idea that before she ever met any of the people involved that she thought out a plan to make up a false journal to cover her ass should she get caught, in different inks , AND figured out a way to correlate that with two e mail accounts is so preposterous this is the last time i will address it.

No one has to apologize. you are all entitled to your opinion. I just wish it would be stuck to ADVICE not trying as a non credentialed therapist to project my wifes mindset and behavior out into the future. i am totally aware of what is in front of me either way.

I really am perplexed at how this "plannng" thing is also so big a deal to some. She did not make up the race dates or travel on business dates. she did not have to lie to me and tell me she was going one place and go another. She did not have to get a friend to cover, etc. That shit takes no planning I suppose.????

And not to TJ, but Mrs Space Ghost and Mrs Walloped had to do some serious planning but yet somehow were worth candidates for R. And they did it because it was exciting and fun.

Had my wife been fucking her boss and going out of town with him, lied three times to my face, or spent afternoons three times a week for five months naked in her boyfriends apartment there would be shit happening that would make the go nuclear folks really proud and happy.

This sucks, I am trying to work through it to the best of my ability, and I have no problem with advice. But I do not need analysis based on nothing but opinion some of it contradicting what I have written.

I apologize for the rant. I will put more responses in a separate post.

To those of you offering suggestions based on what I have written and seen with my own eyes, thank you again. It means a lot to me.

BeyondRage posted 9/22/2019 17:00 PM

One reason i am putting this in a separate post is I lost a large post. I am not a computer typing whiz so this way I get it posted before i fuck up and lose another thought that I do not have time for.

There has been talk about the girlfriend so i want to clear some stuff up again about that. Again, I have stated some of this before but it may have been missed.
(1) open marriage girlfriend is a consultant attached to my wifes very large company. They do not work together regularly. They met in a meeting and started talking about running.
(2) my wife had no fucking idea what her marital arrangements were UNTIL this pack of guys started following them like dogs in heat and girlfriend started big time flirting with one of them. Thats when the news got dropped on her. And as i stated and she admitted the "naughtiness" of it excited her.
First horrendous decision was to not walk away. I understand it is not a mistake but a decision.
(3) this led over a few times to my wife's winding up alone with girlfriend, her boyfriend, and the first ass hole, who turned out to be a real ass hole more than you think anyway.
(4) this dickhead over a few months, tried to get her to send pictures, videos, have a threesome with a buddy of his, and as i said even tried to get her to tell me and meet me.
SHE REJECTED ALL OF THIS , SHE DID NOT HAVE SEX WITH HIM EVERY TIME SHE SAW HIM, and he ruined it for himself.
(5) once he got cut off, she had already crossed all the lines, and she actually thought it was funny that OM1 knew OM2 and that he was drooling for her and OM2 getting the prize.

If you saw the movie UNFAITHFUL, as i stated, the first time WW had sex with the guy she tore her panties off and left them in train. But after that it got easier, which is probably true of all affairs.

(6) the open marriage girlfriend actually did NOT push or encourage my wife. She basically just made it available by circumstance and poor decisions by my wife, which she did NOT try to blameshift on anyone but herself.

The girlfriend has given her better advice to totally come clean than probably many of her friends would have, where she probably would have been given the same idiotic advice that Space Ghosts wife got, to deny and then go out on a group date.

The girlfriend also told her to bring the party pack to these things just in case it happened, so when I caught her was actually not something that she only did when she was having for sure sex with them.

They are NOT communicating regularly at my wifes request, and they are doing no more activities of any kind together.

i hope that fills in some of the blanks. if not so be it.

BeyondRage posted 9/22/2019 17:15 PM

Now that I am on a roll and have until my wife gets back from hospice at 8pm let me please also reiterate.

I may have not made it clear, and I understand that to many any infidelity falls into the big giant bucket. I do not feel that way.
IT DOES NOT MAKE IT OK SO PLEASE DO NOT INTERPRET IT THAT WAY.

To me, a one night stand at a GNO differs from what my wife did ( which it worse), and differs dramatically from these affairs where they are meeting at work, after work telling each other they love each other, amd all the rest.

I COULD NOT RECOVER FROM THAT I DO NOT BELIEVE.

I believe in Not Just Friends it talks about hobbies and activities that constantly are done without the spouse follows work as an incubator of affairs.
We all have had opportunities, mine mostly at work where only idiots screw around.
i have to play golf for business entertainment. I hate the game, sorry golfers.
But I have no idea what I would do if i was going out of town to golf as a hobby and some of the hot looking woman made herself available what i would do. Of course, I would like to think i would pass on it as I have done at work. But who the fuck knows for sure????

I guess thats it. The VAR has shown nothing unusual. Her mother calls her a lot and tells her she better be crawling on her hands and knees to fix this. She did get invited to a girls week end in South Beach by some friends and flat out turned it down. Made up some bull shit excuse.

We have had our discussion time as set aside, and she without me asking again since I initially demanded it provided me with a written timeline with details. Initially she said it wasn't necessary because of the journal and e mail accounts.

We visit one of our girls next week end to watch her play. And the week end after that to another university to watch one of the others.

i will probably have the polygraph done sometime after that.

Lastly, I still cannot send PM's but can receive them .Not sure exactly when that will end but thanks again to those who have reached out.

Western posted 9/22/2019 17:37 PM

ok Beyondrage, I have held off and let this thread play it's way out but you have crossed a line in attacking well respected posters here who are trying to help you out. You either need the help or not but your attacks against members of this board is unacceptable. Either take the advice and digest it or get out of here. But stop the nonsense. I felt badly for you at one point but I don't know what to think anymore.

What I do know is you are attacking us for your pain. Some of the apologists here will support you as I am not one of the more popular people here but I am done when people like you project your pain on us when we have gone through it ourselves.

Be part of us or not but stop the attacks.

BeyondRage posted 9/22/2019 17:56 PM

ok Beyondrage, I have held off and let this thread play it's way out but you have crossed a line in attacking well respected posters here who are trying to help you out. You either need the help or not but your attacks against members of this board is unacceptable. Either take the advice and digest it or get out of here. But stop the nonsense. I felt badly for you at one point but I don't know what to think anymore.
What I do know is you are attacking us for your pain. Some of the apologists here will support you as I am not one of the more popular people here but I am done when people like you project your pain on us when we have gone through it ourselves.

Be part of us or not but stop the attacks.

OK Western, lets start out with you do not get to tell anyone to go anywhere. I may have missed it but no one told me you run this site.

Two, you just attacked other posters who may not agree with you calling them apologists.

Three, I haven't seen in the threads you have responded to a damm thing written other than "I agree with so and so".

Four, sorry, buddy you DO NOT get to call me stupid, emasculated, naive, or any other personal attack and not get a response when I feel it crosses a line.

I hope you got that.

faithfulman posted 9/22/2019 18:17 PM

BeyondRage, I don't completely agree with your perspective. I think you are in the rationalization stage of trying to figure out the "grade" of her betrayal, and it appears you are trying to take the raw edge off of her betrayal.

Having said that I don't think you have crossed any lines or gone after any posters. You have even had some guy go after you personally talking about how he doesn't respect you, and you handled it well.

When everything has sunk in, I think you'll find it very hard to reconcile living the rest of your life with someone who can betray you in such a profound and disgusting way. Someone who you'll always have a question about with regard to trust.

Good luck to you.

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