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Moving on and Getting Over

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20yrsagoBS posted 10/16/2019 10:08 AM

I'm so sorry BrokenAnyway.

I doubt Cheaters have the capacity to understand the devastation their choices cause.

They speak an entirely different language than we do.

Keep on keeping on.

BrokenAnyway posted 10/18/2019 17:42 PM

I was doing so well with the no contact but it fell apart. I went out with some work friends and had too much to drink (bad choice, I realize -- I just wanted to try to get out and take my mind off things...but I'm just not in a good space to do that right now).

Now he claims it's no big deal, and he doesn't actually love this person. So what, he just said that to hurt me more? She's like 7 years older than me and currently going through a divorce so it was someone he could talk to (and sleep with). So I guess my feelings shouldn't be hurt that much?!?

This person he has become seems like such an imposter, not the person I actually married. But maybe that's who he was all along. I just wish I didn't care so much.

20yrsagoBS posted 10/18/2019 19:04 PM

Donít fall for his crap.

Tell him not to speak to you unless itís through your attorney.

Youíre no Plan B

The anger is your friend, embrace it

cocoplus5nuts posted 10/20/2019 21:03 PM

Yeah, don't fall for his words. They mean nothing. Was he lying then, or is he lying now? Doesn't matter. He lied.

Keep going with your plans. If he does actually come to his senses and start doing the right things over an extended period, you can maybe consider giving him another chance. But, not now.

He's not ready if he's not taking full responsibility for what he did. He's minimizing. That's the first step in rugsweeping. That's not R.

Cooley2here posted 10/20/2019 23:16 PM

Broken, I have dealt with family issues in my job. My education is also focused on that.
Your husband is still a child. People who behave the way he does have so much baggage from their childhoods that their emotional growth stopped. As a child there is no way to understand chaos and family toxicity. It poisons everyone and everything in his life. He canít grow if he stays stressed all the time.
He will be the same with any woman. He needs intense therapy.
You canít fix him. You canít make him a good husband.
The 180 is for you. It helps to guide your path out the marital door.

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