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20yrsagoBS ( member #55272) posted at 4:08 PM on Wednesday, October 16th, 2019
I'm so sorry BrokenAnyway.
I doubt Cheaters have the capacity to understand the devastation their choices cause.
They speak an entirely different language than we do.
Keep on keeping on.
BW, 54 WH 53 When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas
BrokenAnyway (original poster new member #71825) posted at 11:42 PM on Friday, October 18th, 2019
I was doing so well with the no contact but it fell apart. I went out with some work friends and had too much to drink (bad choice, I realize -- I just wanted to try to get out and take my mind off things...but I'm just not in a good space to do that right now).
Now he claims it's no big deal, and he doesn't actually love this person. So what, he just said that to hurt me more? She's like 7 years older than me and currently going through a divorce so it was someone he could talk to (and sleep with). So I guess my feelings shouldn't be hurt that much?!?
This person he has become seems like such an imposter, not the person I actually married. But maybe that's who he was all along. I just wish I didn't care so much.
20yrsagoBS ( member #55272) posted at 1:04 AM on Saturday, October 19th, 2019
Don’t fall for his crap.
Tell him not to speak to you unless it’s through your attorney.
You’re no Plan B
The anger is your friend, embrace it
BW, 54 WH 53 When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas
cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 3:03 AM on Monday, October 21st, 2019
Yeah, don't fall for his words. They mean nothing. Was he lying then, or is he lying now? Doesn't matter. He lied.
Keep going with your plans. If he does actually come to his senses and start doing the right things over an extended period, you can maybe consider giving him another chance. But, not now.
He's not ready if he's not taking full responsibility for what he did. He's minimizing. That's the first step in rugsweeping. That's not R.
Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life
Cooley2here ( member #62939) posted at 5:16 AM on Monday, October 21st, 2019
Broken, I have dealt with family issues in my job. My education is also focused on that.
Your husband is still a child. People who behave the way he does have so much baggage from their childhoods that their emotional growth stopped. As a child there is no way to understand chaos and family toxicity. It poisons everyone and everything in his life. He can’t grow if he stays stressed all the time.
He will be the same with any woman. He needs intense therapy.
You can’t fix him. You can’t make him a good husband.
The 180 is for you. It helps to guide your path out the marital door.
When things go wrong, don’t go with them. Elvis
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