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Evermore (original poster member #72002) posted at 4:21 PM on Monday, November 4th, 2019
I am 1.5 years since DD and I realize I faked reconciliation. He did all the right things, NC, individual therapy. I did all the wrong things, pretending to still want the relationship, avoiding therapy. I am 20 years younger. Part of his reasons were ungrieved loss and abandonment issues coupled with sexual functioning concerns. He has valid reasons and has done the work to be a better person.
He found out his medical condition is worse this week , with full function being unlikely. I left him last night. I feel both bad but also happy that I can move on, but he will likely not have a sexual relationship again. Like he had been cursed for what he did and now I am leaving him when he needs a partner by his side the most.
It is probably unhealthy and unkind of me to be happy with his demise.
I feel like I wasted a year and a half of my life half trying, but needed that time to come to the realization that I can never love him for the man he is now. I only loved the man he can never be again, a man I trusted with every ounce of my being .
His AP and I became friends. He lied to her. We share a bond of being two people trying to do the right thing for the wrong person.
I am not sure there is advice for this. I just needed to share my story. I have a date this week. I am ready to move on because I already kind of did on DD, I just didn’t tell him that
20yrsagoBS ( member #55272) posted at 4:28 PM on Monday, November 4th, 2019
(Hugs)
I can absolutely understand why you might feel happiness. You’re gaining distance from the source of your pain.
I hope you have a wonderful date!
BW, 54 WH 53 When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas
Justsomeguy ( member #65583) posted at 4:52 PM on Monday, November 4th, 2019
I look at cheaters like people who blow through their credit cards and go into overdraft on their accounts. Then they get into a difficult situation and need help. The problem is the have no equity built up and have lost all credit. Its Newton's universal law about action and consequence... if newton added a new law. Sorry newton.
Good on you for getting out of infidelity.
I'm an oulier in my positions.
Me:57 STBXWW:55 DD#1: false confession of EA Dec. 2016. False R for a year.DD#2: confessed to year long PA Dec. 2 2017 (was about to be outed)Called it off and filed. Denied having an affair in court papers.
Divorced
BetterTimesAhead ( member #70001) posted at 4:55 PM on Monday, November 4th, 2019
Some might call this karma.
You need to make decisions for what is right for you and if it isn't good for your WH, then so be it. Your health and well being comes first. You seem at peace with your decision and that's what counts. Wishing you much happiness for your future.
Me: BS - 56 Him: WH - 57 DDAY: 2/22/2019 - Three year EA and PA Filed for D 9/2021 - signed the papers 8/2023 - time to rebuild***************An apology without the action to back it up is just manipulation.
Evermore (original poster member #72002) posted at 5:05 PM on Monday, November 4th, 2019
Thank you everyone for the validation. I was really alone in my head with this. I just found the site last night. I wish I found it on DD, perhaps I would have done better for myself and WH had I done more research.
You have offered me some peace.
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