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Lighthousegrl posted 11/6/2019 21:54 PM

Not feeling well .
Nothing here -no one here -to provide comfort.
Tomorrow Iíll wake and do what Iíve done for the last 20 years.
Iíll be compassionate empathetic reassuring professional and provide guidance and care to those who are ill; those who will -or may -not heal.
Iíll care for them.
And their worried loved ones.

Yesterday
today
tomorrow
It s only me- to take care of -me.
No one to help.
Ask how my day was.
Ask me if I want a cup of tea.
A nap -a break.

Iím empty.

not feeling well.
Havenít been feeling well.


Itís scary.
Lonely.
profound.

when my dear young daughter returns -
which is what keeps me going-
I have to summon up the strength or facade of so- and carry on.

But I just donít feel well.
Iím tired.
Iím really really tired.

Beachwalker posted 11/6/2019 22:27 PM

Hey, Lighthousegrl: Just sending you a little hug. I know how you feel and what youíre going through. Even though I may have had a family in my house, I still felt the same way.

Gently: You canít always depend on someone else to give you reason for getting going every day. You need that reason to come from within. Maybe youíre like me and need a little short term help. I was, for the first time in my life, prescribed antidepressants. It took a few weeks for my body to respond, but I am feeling a little better. That, with IC, is making a little difference in my life. Have you considered going to your doctor and asking for an Rx?

Muggle posted 11/6/2019 22:28 PM

How was your day?

You are not alone, you are among friends, that are in the same process you are. We are all struggling and feeling a sense of emptiness.

We must focus on what's in front of us, what we have and not what we feel we have lost. A friendly face, and comfort are a post away at all times. You aren't expected to fee "well" right now, this is a process that you live through and survive.

The tired, lonely feelings will subside in time. Give yourself time to process and heal. You have already shown your strength in just having faith that tomorrow will be a better day. Keep telling yourself that the future isn't set, and it can be a new beginning filled with happiness and contentment. Right now you aren't feeling those feelings and it's overwhelming. It won't always be so.

Breathe, do something for yourself, a walk, movie, or find a new interest to keep you company until the tide turns. You make a difference in other's lives, but when immersed in pain we can't see it.

If I were there I'd share a cup of tea with you. I could certainly use the company. The journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step. Hang in there, it will get better.

[This message edited by Muggle at 10:29 PM, November 6th (Wednesday)]

BearlyBreathing posted 11/6/2019 22:35 PM

Hey lighthouse. I hear you too. I had no kids so it was just me.

Itís hard, hardest thing Iíve ever been through. But you will get through it and it does get better.
Just keep repeating. It gets better.

Bleu posted 11/6/2019 22:52 PM

I now know that feeling. You eloquently captured that haunting loneliness that I hope will pass. The realization that it's just me. All me.

It's rough. I think it gets better.

Justsomeguy posted 11/7/2019 08:56 AM

Yup, I get it. Hard being alone. I've been separated 17 months and in my new place almost a month and a half. I was desperately lonely for a bit there, extremely sad as well. It is getting better though, albeit slowly. The meds help a bit, but I just started them again. I try to cook nice meals when I am alone, watch Netflix, read SI just to know I'm not alone. I've found working out is helpful. It releases the happy hormones and I need that. Still terrified of going out, but I've made a few attempts. But if I were to graph my progress, it is improving. It may be slow, but living with a broken heart is worse.

I have a mug I bought myself. On it is emblazoned the word PEACE. It is one of two mugs I use. The other is HOME and was given to me by someone very dear to me. I've made those two words my mantra so to speak. When I am sad or lonely, I remember those two words. I am at home and at peace now.

crazyblindsided posted 11/7/2019 12:39 PM

(((Lighthousegrl))) I'm sorry it does feel empty at times. I have been separated for 2 months now, but I still have my kids at home and they keep me busy. So do my animals.

Do you have any friends you can take a break with and go catch a movie? It helps when I go somewhere outside of the home and movies help me disappear mentally for a few hours.

Itís hard, hardest thing Iíve ever been through.

Likewise. The multiple D-Days and now S is the hardest thing I've ever gone through as well. I was sexually abused as a child and this still trumps that.

Give yourself a hug for every hour you get through this. I am alone too, but I was alone in my M I've realized.

Hope you are feeling better today!

bella444 posted 11/8/2019 07:20 AM

Lighthousegrl - I hear you. I feel your pain.

You write beautifully :)

20yrsagoBS posted 11/8/2019 21:40 PM

Hugs

burninghouse posted 11/8/2019 23:55 PM

Sending you a big hug lighthousegrl. I hear you and I get it.

[This message edited by burninghouse at 11:55 PM, November 8th (Friday)]

Buffer posted 11/9/2019 04:32 AM

All I can say is big cyber hugs to you.

you are truly a beutiful person.

Buffer

KaleidoscopePic posted 11/10/2019 23:02 PM

Precious Friend,

It is hard; it is one of the hardest things to go through, but it will get better. My therapist said two things that I found really helpful: Remember that he (your husband) is just one person. Just because one person rejected you does not mean everyone will. There is a big world out there. The other thing he pointed out was there was a time before he was a part of your life. You existed and survived without him then, and you can do it again. The thing that helped me more than anything was joining a divorce support group. Some weeks I would tell myself, "Okay, I've just got to make it to Wednesday and then I'll be with people who get it." It can help tremendously to know there are people who "get it."There's a group called Divorce Care, amd it has support groups all over the US, so there is probably one with in driving distance for you. It really made all the difference. You write beautifully. I really encourage you to keep a journal. That helped me so much when I would be worried or confused or hurt. Writing can be very therapeutic. I wonder what it would look like if you tried a new writing exercise, where you are the hero, you are the survivor, you are the overcomer, and you are standing before a crowd of 30 women who are in the place you are now, only in this writing exercise you as the overcomer were to write the story of where you are today, but instead of focusing on your weaknesses, you write the story of your strengths in the midst of difficulties. I am wondering what words you would speak to them, what strengths you would draw upon and tell them you used to overcome these challenges and how you were stronger because of it. I'm wondering if you were to write this narrative of strength, encouragement and motivation, about what you would tell them are the strengths you have used to defeat the adversities in your life and to give their lives purpose in this time of challenge. I really encourage you to try this writing exercise and just see what happens. I also encourage you to go on YouTube and listen to Mandisa's song "Overcomer." Blessings to you, precious friend. You are not alone.

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