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January2222 posted 11/11/2019 17:23 PM

May leave my husband. I believe he had a several year affair but she ended it. He keeps saying he chose me but to me that implies he had to make a choice between me and someone else.

He got really upset with her when she texted him at my sons swim meet. If there wasn't a relationship why would he get so upset. He claims they have only been friends and they continue texting which is breaking my heart and I can't stand it.

I really want the truth from him if he wants to salvage this. My gut is screaming he had an affair. He had all these new moves around the time I started getting suspicious.

Really need support.

Thanks

January2222 posted 11/11/2019 17:23 PM

New moves in bedroom

Justsomeguy posted 11/11/2019 17:34 PM

New moves is one of the flags. My STBXWW got more experimental. Sucks. I'm so sorry you have to go through this.

survrus posted 11/11/2019 18:16 PM

Sorry, being lied to your face sucks. Some of the worst stress ever.

Who is the OW and is she married or with a SO?

How did he meet her?

January2222 posted 11/11/2019 18:19 PM

I'm so upset about there continuing contact. I feel like they are trying to inflict pain on me. I really can't take anymore. He said he chooses me but wont break off contact.

There were other signs. My husband became angry all the time and emotionally distant from me and our son. My son also said one time," something is wrong with dad". I'm really hurt and angry at him,but also at her. People say it's not her fault but she chose a married man. I feel that is wrong.

I really would like to confront her but would that do anything
She would lie. Any help appreciated.

January2222 posted 11/11/2019 18:22 PM

Ow I believe is single...definitely not married. They met at a dog rescue site and volunteered together every weekend for a year.

Its making me feel so stressed out that they talk. I think he knows I know

survrus posted 11/11/2019 18:22 PM

Calm down go into surveillance mode act dumb, gather your intelligence then expose widely.

Do not reveal what you are doing or they will go further underground.

Hire a PI if you have to, or have the money.

What is the OWs history?

survrus posted 11/11/2019 18:27 PM

When you do expose hit her parents, siblings, grand parents, work, facebook etc.

Often the grand parents are the biggest impact since they love them unconditionally while people are conflicted about their parents.

January2222 posted 11/11/2019 18:58 PM

I have no idea of her history. I hired pi and they looked through everything and her name came up as person of interest. They wanted a huge amount of money to look into it further.

She got really uncomfortable around me. She couldn't look me in the eyes. I told partner this and he said she is uncomfortable around everyone. Not true. Saw her interacting comfortably with others.

What does exposing do. Isnt that defamation of character??

I swear he called her yesterday. He was acting really strange. I can check phone bill.

January2222 posted 11/11/2019 19:18 PM

My gut is always spot on....I'm an empath. I just need the proof. Alot of people have told me its true. How can half a dozen people be lying. I'm in shock and so much pain.

StuckinBetween posted 11/11/2019 22:22 PM

Hang in there. This is a terribly hard thing to go through. As the previous poster said, don’t let on that you know. Check through bills, phone records, texts, emails, etc. Get confirmation of your fears before you do anything. We are here. We have been through this and it’s awful. Keep posting on here.

StuckinBetween posted 11/11/2019 22:22 PM

Hang in there. This is a terribly hard thing to go through. As the previous poster said, don’t let on that you know. Check through bills, phone records, texts, emails, etc. Get confirmation of your fears before you do anything. We are here. We have been through this and it’s awful. Keep posting on here.

crazyblindsided posted 11/11/2019 23:17 PM

I used a VAR to catch my STBX’s continued contact just don’t ever reveal your sources. That’s where I went wrong. My False R happened because he had a burner phone. He pissed MOW off somehow and she spilled the beans.

Keep digging! Sorry you are going through this torture.

January2222 posted 11/12/2019 02:02 AM

It is torturing me. I'm not sleeping and losing my appetite....

I need proof of this. It's crazy making to have my reality messed with.

Thank you all for your support. This has periodically over the last three years made me feel so incredibly sad and weak.

January2222 posted 11/12/2019 02:07 AM

It is torturing me. I'm not sleeping and losing my appetite....

I need proof of this. It's crazy making to have my reality messed with.

Thank you all for your support. This has periodically over the last three years made me feel so incredibly sad and weak.

BigBlueEyes posted 11/12/2019 03:49 AM

Hey January,

I’m sorry you are back here again, I have read a little of your threads,
You have to make this decision for yourself, you’ve been told by numerous people on here to run & keep running, it’s not necessarily about his cheating but more importantly his abuse of you.
No one deserves to be abused by anyone,
He has told you repeatedly he won’t stop contact with his AP regardless of if they are in a PA or EA it truly doesn’t matter, he’s manipulated, bullied & continues to Gaslight you.

This is ABUSE, nothing will change unless you change it.

If you haven’t seen a lawyer/attorney...get one, knowledge is power.

Trust me the abuse won’t stop it will just get worse, tell friends & family, you will need them.

Charlotte77 posted 11/12/2019 06:57 AM

Sorry you’re going through this January2222.

Do your research behind the scenes. Do not tell until (if) you have indisputable evidence.

If you wish to work on M in the meantime maybe sign up to a marriage course to try to get your partner to be less distant. Maybe that can start changing the course of your M, and maybe he will he more forthcoming about what’s going on once you communicate better? Just a thought.

You may (understandably) just be done with it in which case ignore the above and get on with gathering evidence to prove you right.

Good luck.

Ulcerboy posted 11/12/2019 07:14 AM

You need to stop and realise you may never get the "proof". Are you willing to live forever with your gut screaming at you? At what point is enough lies alone without proof good enough to call it quits? This crap can make you crazy and just wears you out.

cocoplus5nuts posted 11/12/2019 08:12 AM

If he won't cut her off, he is not choosing you or your M. He is having an A, not was or did. It is still going on.

You need to set your boundaries and stick to them. He cuts her off, or he gets out!

nothisfriend posted 11/12/2019 08:29 AM

You know what? This isn't a trial, you don't need "proof." If you are uncomfortable with your relationship with your WH, then you can file for D. He is not making the steps to help you feel comfortable and secure in your M. File for D because it is the only way you are going to feel secure. If it wakes him up to the very real possibility that he is losing his family and he takes the steps you require then the D can be stopped. But don't do it for manipulation; do it for your own sanity and safety of yourself and your son.