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It's been a while SI

Nursemomof3 posted 11/15/2019 13:37 PM

It has been a long time since I have posted, or even lurked around here. I am about 18 months out from DD and we are currently in R (or whatever it is). I don't know if anyone remembers my story, but you can look back on my posts. Since DD, I really did some major individual growth that I will forever be grateful for. This shitty experience that I would not wish on my worst enemy really did equip me with lifelong gifts...though my heart had to be broken multiple times to get there. I am still ambivalent to this R. Or just have my walls up still.

After going through the fear that came with the thought of having to support 3 children under 5 years old, I decided to go back to grad school and become a nurse practitioner. I have about a year left, and although I am still hoping for a true R, I can't describe how liberated I feel getting this degree. I love the time at home with children as I work part time, but I feel like setting myself up for success in this sense has made me not as fearful of the future.

My husband has been some good work in and seems remorseful, but it's not my first rodeo. I am starting IC again to help with this trauma that still seems to creep in every now and then. It really is a process. We have had some wonderful moments together as a family, and I am hopeful that this is the end of his cheating. Only God knows.

Sometimes I wonder if it's bad that I am still feeling ambivalent or worried. I know there is not one right way to heal or R. I can say that I am happy, and feel that my husband is as well. I think the reality of losing his whole life scared the stupid out of him. I saw many lawyers and have a plan in place. I still have my separate savings account. I have been paying off my graduate degree and not taking out loans (thanks hubby). I don't feel bad about it.

I guess this was a lot of rambling, but just wanted to update y'all. You were all so helpful to me during the most difficult time of my life. I am not out of it completely, but I have learned how to internalize this event better, with a greater appreciation of myself and marriage in general. I am no longer blind to life. Keep sharing your stories, you never know who's life it can change today. Hugs.

northeasternarea posted 11/15/2019 13:39 PM

Good to read your positive update.

tushnurse posted 11/15/2019 13:46 PM

I decided to go back to grad school and become a nurse practitioner

It is an excellent career choice, and no matter what happens you will be ok. Financially and always be able to find work.

I think that's a big piece in our self healing to know we can walk away if we need to, and that empowers us to be able to say no I'm not going to tolerate any more of your BS.

You work on you, he works on himself, and who knows maybe you will meet in the middle, and be ok together, but if you don't YOU will be ok.

(((And Strength)))

Atg100 posted 11/15/2019 13:51 PM

Well done on taking things into your own hands.
Bringing your career forward without gives you a great deal of independence.

cancuncrushed posted 11/15/2019 20:19 PM

Your very fortunate. And very strong. To be this solid, this soon. Knowing you are going to make it ,is everything. You make me proud

BearlyBreathing posted 11/15/2019 21:19 PM

Nice update! Very impressive. You sound healthy and balanced and ready for the future. Congratulations!

deena04 posted 11/15/2019 21:39 PM

Congrats on the great career move. You will be amazing!

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