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layla1234 posted 11/21/2019 20:15 PM

I want COW to suffer. She had no consequences from wrecking my family and their boss even told my WH that she was more professional than he was when it all came to light. Are you fucking kidding me?

Believe me, WH is dealing with consequences and he no longer works there. But I'm still so tempted to send their inappropriate conversation on company time, through company messenger to the higher ups. Maybe if they dig, they can find more and she will actually be reprimanded.

OBS does know, but he's a rug sweeper so no help there. When I sent him the convos of my WH admitting to me the extent of their relationship (sexting, nude pics), he said there was no mention of her name and he could be talking about anyone. Ok, dude...

ibonnie posted 11/21/2019 20:29 PM

I'm a BS, but I think most people that aren't familiar with/living with infidelity are just going to think you're crazy and/or vindictive, considering it's been a year (if not longer), since your WH's supposed EA, and considering the fact that he no longer works there, right?

What consequences would make you happy? Finding out she's lost her job? How would you find out? By continuing to keep tabs on her?

I hope this feedback isn't coming across too harsh, but I think going NC works both ways. I understand the temptation to check up on the AP, but wouldn't you be better off blocking her on everything and trying to move forward with your life and with your WH (if you believe he's remorseful)?

layla1234 posted 11/21/2019 20:32 PM

I just want her to have some type of consequence. Anything. I am at a point where I really don't care what anyone thinks of me. I know what kind of person I am.

thatbpguy posted 11/21/2019 20:54 PM

I agree with layla1234. If punishment doesn't follow crime, then accept the crime and just like it.

Not for the sake of revenge, but because it is right and proper for people to have to be held accountable.

Total exposure, make them know what they did has consequences.

PeanutButterfly posted 11/21/2019 21:01 PM

I understand how you feel. The OBS is somewhat of a rug sweeper but also doesn’t love her and will pretty much make her life miserable which makes me happy. But I still want her to pay as well. I think about being petty and sending her glitter bombs or putting her on a mailing list for annoying mail or on a call list for random shit. Or even putting her on the “home wreckers” website (I won’t though but I still fantasize ). I do know I need to move past it and move forward with my H but I still just hate her. I really don’t know what I’ll do if I see her again. We live in the same town so we are bound to run into her.

The1stWife posted 11/21/2019 21:42 PM

Have patience. She will get hers. Someday. Somehow.

One day her H may come to his senses. Maybe he will cheat on her! Maybe he will dump her.

Karma bus will hit her.

The OW I had to deal with is now married. Maybe her H will cheat on her. Maybe not. Don’t really care. She’s a nothing to me.

landclark posted 11/21/2019 22:30 PM

I totally get this. I don’t feel like any of the APs have had any real consequences, though the only one I truly want to make suffer is the first one. Unfortunately not sure how. I already told her husband. No job to blow things up at.

Sucks.

Northerngal posted 11/22/2019 05:09 AM

It’s been 5 yrs for me. I’m really glad I didn’t do anything to the ow. Time lessens the whole thing. I promise you that it feels wonderful knowing you took the high road. And there is not a lot of satisfaction in revenge. Fantasizing about it is much more rewarding.

Obs is also a rug sweeper. Whatever. He was her brother in law - his brother was her husband. So a real classy bunch. Their punishment is being who they are, losers. And they have 4 kids. I know from the affair that when you hurt the mother, the kids suffer and I don’t want her kids to suffer. They have a selfish bitch for a mother, that sucks. She is a terrible person who preferred blowing her boss to spending time with her kids. Keep in mind she was 50 at the time, so not a sexy image lol.

My life has gotten better in leaps and bounds. Had I lowered myself (and omg I had elaborate plans) maybe I wouldn’t be where I am today.

Tell yourself that in 4 years you will revisit your revenge and see how you feel. In the meantime make the focus YOU.

cocoplus5nuts posted 11/22/2019 07:18 AM

I know this feeling. Most of us probably do.

I was thinking about this last night as I was falling asleep. The deterrent that came to me was the effect this could have on her children, if she has any.if she lost her job, would her children suffer? She certainly does not deserve any consideration, bit her children are innocent. They don't deserve anymore strife.

MamaDragon posted 11/22/2019 08:40 AM

I will affirm that years later, the hurt does lessen greatly - and that being the better person by leaving her alone is probably the best way to go but I have to admit, I didn't let things lie.

I blew up her life like she did mine. She almost lost her job, her BS was actually already cheating on her and as soon as their divorce was over he married his side chick. She was heartbroken, and I loved it.

Even today, 12 plus years past it, I have no issue with telling other nurses where she works that "SHE IS NOT TO TOUCH ME, EVEN IF I AM DYING". I'm sure she gets asked why. I don't care.

It might make me petty, it might make me look childish but she made the active choice to go after my FWH, knowing all his problems/issues and that we were separated bc of them but working them out in MC...she wanted an easier life and saw my FWH as her KISA. So yeah, she needed to feel my wrath...and she did. Would I do the same thing again, years later....yeah probably.

northeasternarea posted 11/22/2019 09:06 AM

You notified the employer and the OBS. You really have no way of knowing whether or not she has consequences. You can’t control the actions of others. Your time would be much better spent living your best life.

layla1234 posted 11/22/2019 09:08 AM

She doesn't have kids so I would feel absolutely no guilt if she lost her job.

layla1234 posted 11/22/2019 09:08 AM

She doesn't have kids so I would feel absolutely no guilt if she lost her job.

layla1234 posted 11/22/2019 09:10 AM

@northeasternarea

Their direct boss knew and subsequently was moved to a different department. He did not notify HR of their relationship. They worked directly with each other. In the convo I have, it states her saying they would not be allowed on the team if they were a couple and that someone would need to move. He replied that no one needed to know and they would keep it a secret.

LilacLiquid posted 11/22/2019 09:14 AM

I, too, want to hurt her as much as she has hurt me. She lives across the country from us, so it's not like we are going to run into her. She wanted very badly to destroy my WH after the A ended. I struggle with wanting to toy with her about it all. I've discussed in IC and know none of it is healthy, but the desire sometimes is overwhelming!

Me - BS (44)
Him - WH (44)
Married 24 years
D-day 1 - March 17th, 2018 (confessed to EA affair)
D-day 2 - June 5th, 2019 (confessed to 3 year PA affair)

[This message edited by LilacLiquid at 9:17 AM, November 22nd (Friday)]

sisoon posted 11/22/2019 09:23 AM

Old saying, attributed to many people:

If you seek revenge, dig 2 graves.

Your energy, your life force, is much better used to express and release your anger than to exact vengeance. If you impose consequences on the ap, you will still have your problem. If you figure out how to release your anger, you will solve your problem.

I know that doesn't seem to be at all satisfying when you're enraged. But it's true.

northeasternarea posted 11/22/2019 10:54 AM

Layla1234, your WH no longer works there. Send the messages if you feel you must, but the likelihood is that there will be no action or investigation. And even if there is, you won’t know.