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Myname (original poster member #23138) posted at 9:46 PM on Friday, November 29th, 2019
I very hesitantly signed up on match at the beginning of the month. I paid a few bucks extra to keep my profile private. Only people I contact could see me.
I messaged a few women but either got no response or though a brief conversation could see that it was not going to work.
One lady I messaged and we hit off right away. We messaged for a few days and I asked her to dinner. She agreed. Before the date we switched off the app and began texting. Still very easy conversations. We had a lot in common. We talked on the phone before we actually met in person and managed an hour long conversation. We had dinner and ended up spending 3 or 4 hours at the restaurant.
Long story short we've been on several dates since and talk on the phone several nights a week. Conversation is very easy between us. We have a lot of similar interests but also plenty of differences to make things interesting.
The hardest part for me in getting back to dating was having to tell someone about my self harm scars.
I had decided before I got into any of this that I would tell someone when I thought that there was a real possibility of a lasting relationship and when I or she were at the beginning stages of developing feelings. I didn't want to hide it from someone for so long that strong feelings were there and then I sprung that on them.
So the other day we sat down and I told her. Much to my relief it didn't bother her at all.
It's been fun getting to know each other. It doesn't hurt that she is drop dead gorgeous.
I feel like I lucked out a little on match by finding someone so quickly and, at least in the beginning stages, seems to be working out.
Still walking through this with eyes wide open. I foolishly ignored some glaringly obvious red flags in my last relationship. I won't this time.
DD: 1-14-09 EA/PA OM #1
TT: 5-11&12-09
DD#2: 5-18-09 EA OM #2
5-31-09: Told me she hasn't loved me.
No kids
Me BH: 45
12-08-10: S
Divorced and moved on with my life.
landclark ( member #70659) posted at 11:36 PM on Friday, November 29th, 2019
That’s so awesome! It must be have been such a relief for you to get it out and have her accept it. I hope it continues to go well for you.
Me: BW Him: WH (GuiltAndShame) Dday 05/19/19 TT through AugustOne child together, 3 stepchildrenTogether 13.5 years, married 12.5
First EA 4 months into marriage. Last ended 05/19/19. *ETA, contd an ea after dday for 2 yrs.
Chrysalis123 ( member #27148) posted at 12:15 AM on Saturday, November 30th, 2019
Way to go MyName!! Good on you for applying what you learned last time and your courage in sharing about your scars.
Someone I once loved gave me/ a box full of darkness/ It took me years to understand/ That this, too, was a gift. - Mary Oliver
Just for the record darling, not all positive changes feel positive in the beginning -S C Lourie
WhoTheBleep ( member #49504) posted at 1:58 AM on Saturday, November 30th, 2019
Great update! Sounds like you are handling everything well. Bravo for your candor. Keep us posted.
PS: I got lucky early on OLD as well. SO "liked" me the first day I was on. Once I tweaked my profile (as in put some effort into it) 2 weeks later, he messaged me. I responded a day or 2 later, had our first date 2-3 days after that, and we've been together ever since. 7 months now. And I'm the girl who didn't believe in OLD, haha.
This lady sounds promising. I'm excited for you!!
[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 7:58 PM, November 29th (Friday)]
I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural
little turtle ( member #15584) posted at 6:29 PM on Tuesday, December 3rd, 2019
I'm so happy for you!! This is very exciting.
Failure is success if we learn from it.
WornDown ( member #37977) posted at 8:37 PM on Tuesday, December 3rd, 2019
Me: BH (50); exW (49): Way too many guys to count. Three kids (D, D, S, all >20)Together 25 years, married 18; Divorced (July 2015)
I divorced a narc. Separate everything. NC as much as humanly possible and absolutely no phone calls. - Ch
rebplay ( member #59205) posted at 11:55 PM on Tuesday, December 3rd, 2019
Wow! Some great news! That was so positive reading about good dates, new beginnings and openness in a brand new relationship. Happy for you!
EvenKeel ( member #24210) posted at 1:27 PM on Wednesday, December 4th, 2019
Hi Myname!
OLD is hard but I know it was extra hard for you to make that leap. I am so glad you were open to it.
I agree with you telling her early on. I have a skin disease that could visually put-off some people. I decided early on to let them know that way it would save us both time and trouble if it was not something they could deal with.
You did the right thing.
Does she have education/experience regarding self-harm?
Good luck in your new dating adventures. These early stages are such a fun time - enjoy them!!!
Myname (original poster member #23138) posted at 5:55 PM on Saturday, December 7th, 2019
Thank you everyone.
It's been a long road for me so glad to be on the other side of things.
Does she have education/experience regarding self-harm?
She cut some when she was a teen. I'm definitely more bothered by my scars than she is.
It's kind of crazy. The more I've gotten to know her the more I've found that we've had a lot of similar life experiences. Both good and bad stuff.
DD: 1-14-09 EA/PA OM #1
TT: 5-11&12-09
DD#2: 5-18-09 EA OM #2
5-31-09: Told me she hasn't loved me.
No kids
Me BH: 45
12-08-10: S
Divorced and moved on with my life.
heartbroken_kk ( member #22722) posted at 3:08 AM on Monday, December 9th, 2019
This is really fantastic news Myname, I think the most profound part of it is that you were able to open up to her about your scars. That says a lot about your healing path lately. Good for you.
I wish you the best with this relationship.
If you find flags popping up try to stay calm and give both options thought - disengage for a while, or stay connected, while you try to learn what those flags might mean to you.
We all have our issues.
FBW then 46, XWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life. D-Day 1 '99, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... '09-'11, D '15. I fell apart. I put myself back together. Forgiveness isn't required. I'm happy and healthy now, and MY new life is good.
CaliforniaNative ( member #60149) posted at 2:50 AM on Friday, December 13th, 2019
PS: I got lucky early on OLD as well. SO "liked" me the first day I was on. Once I tweaked my profile (as in put some effort into it) 2 weeks later, he messaged me. I responded a day or 2 later, had our first date 2-3 days after that, and we've been together ever since. 7 months now. And I'm the girl who didn't believe in OLD
Haha I remember that post when you first started OLD. You hated it! Just wanted to say I am still seeing the first man I was interested in using OLD... it’s been 9 months now.
WhoTheBleep ( member #49504) posted at 2:59 AM on Friday, December 13th, 2019
Slight T/J
Haha I remember that post when you first started OLD. You hated it! Just wanted to say I am still seeing the first man I was interested in using OLD... it’s been 9 months now.
CN, you were my dating hero. I used to read your posts with earnest, trying to learn all I could. I'm very happy for you! You deserve it!
I think the universe knew I didn't have your stomach for it and sent me a good one quick, haha.
I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural
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