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Workwife posted 11/30/2019 11:41 AM

My WH and I stil share a Spotify account. Today I got triggered by a playlist Spotify assembled with the most played songs in 2018. The playlist contained a song that’s their song. They have two, one my children still listen to frequently because it is from a movie they watched. She sent him the lyrics to the song. I hear it often, don’t like it but endure it because of the kids. The second song, is a song he sent the lyrics of to her. He considers it as the only song they had. This song is part of the playlist. Here is the thing, the playlist is ‘most listened to songs 2018’. The affair with the MCOW ended in march 2017!, a little later then when I discovered the affair at the end of february. What is he thinking listening to this song still? He listens to music every day for several hours. So he really listens a lot and this song is most played more than a year after the affair? It isn’t a song that is very famous or well known. So I’m baffled. Trips down memory lane? Can anyone help me understand?

Thanksgiving2016 posted 11/30/2019 12:34 PM

Sorry but I can only assume he is pining for her. That’s the conclusion I would draw if it were me because if I associate a song with a person or event I always do.

Marie2792 posted 11/30/2019 20:27 PM

I don’t know how Spotfy works but is it possible maybe he just has it in a kind of random mode like ITunes shuffle? That happens to me when I fall asleep or get distracted while music is playing. Also, if I once loved something or added it to favorites it plays it more frequently in the queue. I’m not trying to excuse his behavior, because if he’s doing it I’d be upset too. Certain songs are banned from our house and car and my H knows what they are and will change it automatically. I usually just run my iTunes in the car to avoid that.

cocoplus5nuts posted 11/30/2019 20:30 PM

This most listened to list is specific to him? IOW, it's not a randomly generated list of the most popular songs of 2018 or whatever it was?

I haven't had Spotify long enough to know how it works.

landclark posted 11/30/2019 20:40 PM

Is it possible the song really doesn't mean anything in direct relation to her? My WH and his AP talked often about songs that reminded them of each other. I don’t think he now listens to any of those songs and thinks of her.

Whatever the reason, it would probably bug me as well.

Workwife posted 12/1/2019 01:01 AM

Thank you for replying. It is tiresome trying to find reasonable explanations for stuff that makes me trigger. I always wonder if I’m doing the right thing trying to find reasonable explanations or am I trying to find an excuse for him? Do you know what I mean? It is a playlist with ‘your’ most played songs, so on our account. I surely don’t play that song, the kids don’t either. So it must be him. I never hear the song around the house so he must listen to it in his car, at the office or at the gym. All the songs on the list (101!) I heard being played regularly by him or the kids. I can explain every song on the list, just not this one.....so tired of things like this.....the insecurity that goes with it.....

Workwife posted 12/1/2019 01:01 AM

Thank you for replying. It is tiresome trying to find reasonable explanations for stuff that makes me trigger. I always wonder if I’m doing the right thing trying to find reasonable explanations or am I trying to find an excuse for him? Do you know what I mean? It is a playlist with ‘your’ most played songs, so on our account. I surely don’t play that song, the kids don’t either. So it must be him. I never hear the song around the house so he must listen to it in his car, at the office or at the gym. All the songs on the list (101!) I heard being played regularly by him or the kids. I can explain every song on the list, just not this one.....so tired of things like this.....the insecurity that goes with it.....

MyAnimals posted 12/1/2019 01:33 AM

F that. You want to listen to old boyfriend or baby daddy songs or whatever, that’s cool. AP songs? GTFO. That’s breaking mental NC and it shouldn’t be your burden to deal with this type of crap. These waywards are just absurd.

That said, I hope it’s benign. Sorry you’re even having to think about this. I understand it is exhausting.

Question: if it’s a known “thing” why isn’t he doing anything in his power to eliminate it? If I cheated and there was even a 1% chance a song reminded my wife or could cause pain, I’d jump in front of a bullet to stop the song. They just don’t get it.

The1stWife posted 12/1/2019 02:27 AM

Sometimes the cheater doesn’t get it.

My H and the OW had plans to go to a jazz club. I’m not a big fan of jazz. But he could have played it at home. I knew he liked it.

One day after dday2 he played it. I tried to get past it. Sucked it up but made me upset. Triggered me.

Next time he played it I told him to turn it off and don’t play it again. I told him why.

He has never played it again. He got the message.

Unfortunately he never made the connection before I had to say something.

[This message edited by The1stWife at 2:29 AM, December 1st (Sunday)]

cocoplus5nuts posted 12/1/2019 08:29 AM

Ask him. Then, tell him you don't like it. It triggers you. He needs to delete that song from his playlist.