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Wedding ring

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hopefullife posted 12/8/2019 10:25 AM

I'm still wearing my ring. I know he doesn't. It doesn't mean anything to me now though. It hasn't meant anything since Dday, feels like just another piece of jewelry. I plan to wear it until our marriage is officially done, not because I'm hoping, but for others to know I am married. Not that I attract anyone, but I'm all for decency even if decency wasn't shown to me.

If it hurts for you to wear it though, I suggest you put it away. It's just that I'm lucky, I guess, that I see it as just a piece of jewelry. Nothing worth of value. It will be, in the future when I finally pawn or sell it.

hopefullife posted 12/8/2019 10:47 AM

"Someday you will thank me for having the strength to end this."

I will NEVER thank her or her OM or OW for what they did to me. Ending it with strength would have been ending it with integrity, BEFORE she slept with (or even sought) someone else.


I'm with you. No matter how good my life turns out to be, he doesn't get to say this. He doesn't deserve that peace. Our lives turning out great aren't justification for the horrible thing they did. We will live great lives, but it's not for them to say they were right.

CallingSpades posted 12/8/2019 21:33 PM

I did toss his off a mountain, but I want to pawn mine and donate the money to something he would hate.

I LOVE this. WH owed me money and when he finally paid me I invested a good chunk in a fund for women-owned companies. (My career had been on hold as I raised our kids and followed him around for his job.) I was going to keep the ring, but might just pawn it after D and follow your lead!

I wore it after DDay, and he actually thanked me for wearing it (what an asshat). I just shrugged and said, "well I'm still married, so." Actually I felt bad because I hadn't been wearing it all the time (stone was loose) and all I wanted for my birthday was for him to get it fixed. He did and I was wearing it all the time. So I felt sorry taking it off less than a year after I asked him to fix it.

But I haven't seen him in months and haven't been wearing it. I just don't want to. I asked my atty if this was sending the wrong message or could have negative implications. She said, absolutely not. This is part of separation and my choice.

So now he'll be on leave and around for the holidays and I don't know if I should make nice and wear it, or what. I feel like I should just fake it for a couple weeks until he's gone again. I may have D papers served, but not until the day he leaves. I don't want to deal with the cold rage. I don't want to talk about it or answer his questions (i.e. demands). I'm thinking I'll just wear it like a costume in front of kids and family to get through one last (shit)show.

I was thinking though that I shouldn't have taken it off because now there's a single guy at work that's overly attentive. Wedding rings can be useful regardless of the state of your M. Especially for women lol. They don't just represent commitment to your WS, but also that you're unavailable to start a new relationship.

ETA That chainmaille ring is boss! What a perfectly beautiful thing for a beautifully strong person to wear.

[This message edited by CallingSpades at 11:06 PM, December 8th, 2019 (Sunday)]

Thumos posted 12/9/2019 01:05 AM

I havenít worn a metal ring in years ó too uncomfortable. I wear those rubber QALOS rings. But keep in mind Iím a physically active man.

In any case, I told my wife earlier this year that by her adulterous actions she had unilaterally divorced me and our marriage was over and I saw NO POINT in wearing any ring of any kind unless she started doing the things Iíd asked. I told her the ring was a symbol of a dead marriage and made me feel fradulent and weird wearing it.

She started doing the things Iíd asked and I put the ring back on.

Interesting how that works.

Sallyjay posted 12/9/2019 07:49 AM

I took mine off as soon as I decided this marriage was over!!! The vows mean nothing to him, why should they to me?

It's off and I'm going to try and sell it... Cause what the hell am I going to do with it now!!!†
Its just a constant reminder of all the hurt and pain he has caused me!!!

Good luck!!!

[This message edited by Sallyjay at 7:53 AM, December 9th (Monday)]

heartachenpain posted 12/10/2019 09:31 AM

Mine is starting to become a reminder of the hurt as well. I tried to talk to my wife recently but she isnít my wife anymore. She speaks about our marriage in the past tense. She sees nothing wrong with what she has done because in her mind we werenít together. Obviously she didnít really care or take our marriage serious. It was basically like I was speaking to a gf who told me we were broken up. Yes we were separated, not legally but she was staying outside the house. She went from talking about renewing our vows and starting fresh to having what she calls a boyfriend the next week. A boyfriend while married lol. She sees nothing wrong with that. Itís like a bad dream I canít seem to wake up from. When I try talking to her she just says I am trying to make her feel guilty about her choices. She said that she was completely devoted to me during our marriage. I guess she forgets that we still are married. I just donít even recognize the woman I spent the last 9 almost 10yrs with. Gave up on our marriage before we even made it to the 2nd year. The one person I turned to for everything has completely turned her back on me. My whole world has been completely turned upside down.

MamaDragon posted 12/10/2019 09:43 AM

Someone said this on here once and it stuck with me....

She has shown you who she is, believe her.

Do something symbolic with the ring to signify a new start - pawn it and donate the money to a domestic abuse group or a pet rescue (cause ya know there are female dogs called bitch that need to be neutered)

Destroy it (incarnate knows how) and mail the pieces to her

Throw it in the ocean, lake, river or sewer...

Then take yourself out, purchase you something that reminds you of happy times and go do something that you enjoy. Talk with old friends, go make new friends, go to the gym -

(hugs)

hopefullife posted 1/5/2020 06:37 AM

I know I said I'm wearing my ring until our marriage is officially done. But, when I went for the holidays, I gave it to a friend to pawn or sell in case something happens to me. Now that it's off, I don't feel like putting it back on. I've never been a fan of jewelry and now that I'm back to having none after 2 years, I feel it's the way to go. I hope this means that I'm moving on better than I was doing before.

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