SurvivingInfidelity.com® > General

LoveTKO posted 12/5/2019 07:49 AM

With no disrespect to the original "Me Too" movement, I wish there was one for infidelity. Just like sexual harassment, it is not discussed openly in society. Those of us who are traumatized by it many times feel alone and the devastation that we experience really isn't understood. People aren't educated.

I just heard of an acquaintance's husband who just left her for OW. This triggered me because it was the day before my Dday anniversary (I had forgotten it until I heard the news) and I wanted to reach out to this woman but I don't know her very well and I'm not sure if I should. I actually know her husband better

I don't know your experience but I never heard about infidelity stories until I was separated after Dday. Then I couldn't believe the number of people who told me their story. It is crazy how prevalent it is and so many don't even know it. I guess it's not on your radar when you're mostly with married couples.

IMHO infidelity should be categorized as a form of domestic abuse and should be discussed openly. It should always be a factor in divorce proceedings because it affects the victims financially. There should be support groups and PSAs. So many families are hurt and no one talks about it.

I'll never be grateful about the A but I am grateful that my sons got to see the devastation that infidelity creates in families. Hopefully it will make them better husbands.

Just my two cents.

Me too...

cocoplus5nuts posted 12/5/2019 07:56 AM

I had a Facebook acquaintance who found put her husband had cheated. She was vocal about it. Posted on Facebook. I had never met her in person. We were friends of a mutual friend. I reached out to her through Facebook. She seemed to appreciate it. I wanted her to know that she is not alone.

Assuming everything is safe and no one is batshit crazy, I don't think there's any harm in reaching out to her. Something as simple as, "Hey, I've been there. I'm here if you want to talk."

I guess my only issue with this particular situation is how you found out. If the news was part of the rumour mill, even if true, she may not appreciate knowing that everyone is talking about her life.

whoami62 posted 12/5/2019 08:14 AM

I have known about a few cases of infidelity from acquaintances before experiencing it myself. One was from a woman who worked at my bank..she shared it with me and I felt very uncomfortable with her sharing it since we were not friends and I didn't know her husband.

The other woman that was cheated on was more public , very humiliating ( OW was her best friend ) and her H was involved in a criminal act that landed him in prison.

Yet another was also humiliated by the actions of her H.

We all are , although I have never come out publically with my situation

One thing that I find difficult is the suffering in silence. I have a casual friend who suffered two tragedies last year in a short amount of time , one was the unexpected death of her son

Her pain is raw , real and out there for the world to see
Mine is raw , real and hidden

tushnurse posted 12/5/2019 08:34 AM

I personally have shared my story with others in real life who have just found out.
I offer to be support and listen, and always refer them to SI as it is what saved me and kept me sane in the early days.

Marriage in the eyes of the states, and the law is nothing more than a legal contract, and will never consider it as a domestic abuse issue unfortunately. I do however firmly believe that it is abuse, and it is abuse that is unique. This is also something that I tell newly betrayed people that they need to understand. Regardless of how receptive you are to it, you have been victimized. That means you have to reframe your world to be effective in moving forward in a positive way.

RedHeadTemper posted 12/5/2019 08:43 AM

Having a support group is powerful, and helps with healing. Most guys I know that their wives cheat on them, don't out them in my experience. (obvs this is cultural. I'm sure it happens). So I honestly know no one to talk to in real life that gets it.

Is really like to talk to someone in real life though. This forum is great for sharing pain and anger and hurt and you don't have to worry about it biting you in the butt of hurting your loved ones. It's a safe outlet.

Maybe reach out to her. You might find a good new friend that can support you and vice versa.

I agree. There should be a me too movement. Maybe some prominent political folks on here can get that movement going?! All we need is a catchy slogan!

LoveTKO posted 12/6/2019 13:58 PM

Thanks everyone for your thoughtful replies. I haven't reached out yet. I'm not an impulsive person. I need to work it out in my head. I'm meeting a friend tonight who knows her and may be able to offer some insight.

And yes! We need a catchy slogan...

Off the top of my head, "You too?" comes to mind.

Have a wonderful weekend everyone.. stay warm! It's snowing here in Boston!

Mr. Kite posted 12/6/2019 14:09 PM

The more selfish and narcissistic a society becomes, the more infidelities there are.

My younger brother's wife cheated on him. They had two young children at the time. They divorced and he lost everything. He's a shadow of himself today.

My wife's younger sister was cheated on by her husband. They divorced but she never wanted to talk about it. At least not with me. She then married her best friend who subsequently divorced her. She is single now at the age of 60.

I could go on and on with example after example of people I have known who have been through this heartbreak but you get the point. Infidelity has always been around but these days it seems like a plague that has gone viral.

crazyblindsided posted 12/6/2019 18:25 PM

Unfortunately infidelity has always been a part of my life (my mom and dad were both married to others when they met and left to be together). I thought I wouldn't be another statistic until I was.

I agree that infidelity should be branded under abuse, then maybe people would think twice about it.

It isn't discussed as a negative act often enough and is romanticized on TV and Hollywood and even people try to romanticize that shit.

There is nothing romantic or healthy about infidelity.

AbandonedGuy posted 12/6/2019 18:28 PM

Here's the dirty secret when it comes to other people listening to you go off about your infidelity experience: they hate it. They hate it so much because they don't want to think that their marriage will ever undergo such a terrible thing. Maybe some of them are reminded of their own infidelity experience, from either side, which they suppress deep down into their psyche. But more often than not, it's the former.

Speaking from personal experience, I have several of my friends' wives not liking their husbands hanging out with the newly single guy. As if I'd rub off on them. Ironically, I spent most of the first 6 months telling them how lucky they were and that the grass is NOT greener over here. Many of those men were unhappy on their own without my help. I'm sure their wives weren't so happy either since I feel that anyone confident in their marriage wouldn't give too much thought to a single person's lifestyle appealing to their spouse.