SurvivingInfidelity.com® > New Beginnings

Soconfusing posted 12/6/2019 16:22 PM

So as an update, I am divorced now and I’m extremely happy in a new relationship. My boyfriend is kind and understanding and sweet. I have no regrets about leaving the toxic marriage or fond memories of it even.
My ex-husband Is living with his new girlfriend and seems extremely happy. Whenever I see him I get these weird twinges of feeling “less than”. I see his cute little apartment and wonder why wasn’t I good enough to be this happy with. Or I see the love notes hung up in the dash of his truck and wonder why he’s so good to her.
Now, realistically I know that all of his issues are still there. And that they are in the new beginnings of a relationship and that’s no indicator of how things will always be. Also, I get that it really doesn’t matter and I’m happier now and all of that, still it’s like a little dagger sticking in my back whenever I am doing drop-offs with the kids.
Just a little rant I suppose

WhoTheBleep posted 12/6/2019 17:39 PM

How are you able to see these things? The apartment, the love notes? Social media? Drive-bys?

My point is, do not look at his life in any way shape or form.

If I didn't have to pass three kids back and forth with my stbx, he would be dead to me. Dead. To. Me.

Like he never even existed.

Okay just saw the last few words of your post. Even if you exchange the kids in a neutral location, you will still he see his truck. But if you maintain your distance, you shouldn't be able to read notes on the dashboard, right?

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 5:42 PM, December 6th (Friday)]

BearlyBreathing posted 12/6/2019 19:18 PM

So confusing— brain and heart never run at the same speed. Stop looking— you know their life is fake, but pain shopping is not going to help you.

He’s just a wolf in sheep’s clothing.... don’t forget. And you are WORTH SO MUCH MORE than that.

Chaos posted 12/6/2019 19:58 PM

YOU are more than enough. HE is too damn dumb to see it because his eyes are full of sh*t because his head is so far up his a**.

And don't even think of comparing yourself to the personal curated filter of the charade he puts on.

Drop off the kids, smile like you own the world and when you walk away make sure your shoulders are square and you head held high.

Soconfusing posted 12/7/2019 22:37 PM

Thank y’all so much for the encouragement. I know it’s all fake and I really haven’t dealt with looking back, it just sometimes creeps up and jabs me.

I am definitely not pain shopping, it only happens at kid switches, and I make it as short and sweet as possible.

I really am happy with my new life, it just makes me mad I guess that it can still get to me even a little. I’m really thankful for all of the support here and in person that I’ve received.

Chrysalis123 posted 12/8/2019 10:54 AM

You know it takes years to get over something like what happened to us. YEARS.

I think it is completely understandable you are still grieving. The good news is it isn't stopping you in your tracks, you are not holing up depressed in bed etc. It's a momentary pain that you deal with (without rugsweeping it away) and then you carry on with your life.

I'm sorry it is still so raw at times. This too shall pass.

homewrecked2011 posted 12/8/2019 12:56 PM

It’s all a show..... I thought my xh and OW were happy and thought he had changed for her . Well, after about 2 years the kids told me they hated going over there because OW and Dad were always fighting... and drunk... and yes on Fathers Day OW was hitting Dad, yelling at him, and locked him out of the house.

I know it’s so tough, and really what kind of a “normal” husband/father would put their kids and wife thru this pain for a piece of ass??? I saw my xh in a parking lot last week and just seeing him set me back. I guess it’s true-
NC =no new hurts. Is there any other way to do child exchanges? Do you have a family member who could do it sometimes so you don’t have to see him so often?

(((Soconfusing)))

Soconfusing posted 12/9/2019 06:23 AM

Unfortunately no other way to do child exchanges, other than just keep it as short and sweet as possible. It was so strange the other day he dropped the kids off and that’s typically a 3 minute thing. Hand them and their stuff over and good bye. But when he came the other day my boyfriend was at the house and he proceeded to talk to him for awhile and make jokes with the kids and stand there talking for like 10-12 min. It was so weird!! hahaha. They just must be the center of attention.

I am doing my best to not let any of it drag me down, and these momentary pauses aren’t going to set me back, I just hate dealing with them.

Chrysalis123 posted 12/9/2019 06:43 AM

How old are the kids?

My kids walked out to the street for exchanges. None of that chatty chatty garbage because it set me back, and it was fake. He was trying to make it OK, and make it my fault for his choices. See what a great guy I am?

Nope-nada- my house is my house and he was not invited. He fired me.

Soconfusing posted 12/9/2019 13:54 PM

Chrysallis123, oh yeah, that’s not going to happen again. I wasn’t prepared to have him try and hang out. Now I will be more proactive and meet them at the door!

taken4granted posted 12/9/2019 17:25 PM

I agree.... It's all for show. See how happy I am and how great life is without you. (YUCK) His life really isn't, but that's what he wants you to believe. Try and have as little to do with him as possible. I treat my exwh as a stranger. It helps with any of the pain you might feel and will help you heal.