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One Year

squid posted 12/10/2019 10:48 AM

A year ago today, at about this same time, I walked out of a courthouse in a smallish rural town with 2 copies of my final divorce judgement in hand. XWW didn't even attend.

Good times.

Chili posted 12/10/2019 11:08 AM

Dang squid, it's been a year already huh? Wow. You've had so many challenges and life changes this year, I'm sure it's been tough to really see what your *new normal* is going to be. Still must be a little surreal remembering that day though, huh?

But you have such resilience and a spirit that we can all glimpse on your posts - I know there are many good things coming your way.

cactusflower posted 12/10/2019 11:37 AM

So how do you feel? Is it getting easier as time goes on?

WhoTheBleep posted 12/10/2019 11:45 AM

Yup, Chili pretty much nailed it, and put into much better words exactly what I was thinking.

You have your whole life full of possibilities ahead of you. I'm looking forward to more of your posts in New beginnings. Anything is possible.

(((Squid)))

Simplicity posted 12/10/2019 11:47 AM

I am also one year out (only a few days before you!). We didn't even go to court, our lawyers went and we both attended on the phone. That was the last time I heard his voice. I'm still sad. I'm still angry. I still can't trust. I have a wonderful person who cares about me so much, and I can't just commit to him (How can you trust when humanity has been so dismally disappointing?). I impulsively moved half way across the country, and it's the holidays, on top of all the other anniversaries that happen around this time for me (my mother died around this time, in an attempt to make me think happier thoughts, XH proposed marriage to me around this time, and in an ironic turn of fate, we divorced around this time). This had once been one of my favorite times of the year, and now it is full of conflict. It feels lonely not to be near family. Good thing for friends and work.

I rarely post, but I have gotten many great responses from you, Squid. As well as followed you through your own saga. I am really wishing you well, and hopefully we both are moving forward in the right direction.

squid posted 12/10/2019 12:41 PM

Thanks, Chili and WTB.

cactusflower:

So how do you feel? Is it getting easier as time goes on?

I think I've accepted that I have to find a new normal. But can't quite say things are easier. I'm still learning what normal is. Plus a couple major setbacks this year smacked me down pretty hard.

This past Thanksgiving was our first holiday spent as a broken family and that was tough. I was with my kids at our family's big annual gathering and we had a blast. But back in my mind I was somehow feeling guilty because XWW wasn't there (certainly wasn't invited) and I even felt bad that she was by herself. What the hell is wrong with me??

Simplicity,

I'm feeling exactly as you are. Angry, sad, wondering if I'll ever trust again or even love again.

I know this is a process. And I'm realizing it's painfully slow.

[This message edited by squid at 12:42 PM, December 10th, 2019 (Tuesday)]

Simplicity posted 12/10/2019 13:17 PM

And not to be a downer, but might I add that I miss that Ohforanewme would have a great motivating reply for us? This is an understatement, but I am really bummed he is gone.

squid posted 12/10/2019 19:36 PM

Simplicity,

And not to be a downer, but might I add that I miss that Ohforanewme would have a great motivating reply for us? This is an understatement, but I am really bummed he is gone.

When I alluded to setbacks this year, ohfor's passing was one of them. So, yes, I feel the same way as you. I miss him so much.

SuperDaddy1027 posted 12/11/2019 07:31 AM

Bro hugs squid. I just passed my 3 year anniversary of my own Dday and closing in on 2 years post D. Both of which happened around my bday and Christmas. I didnít feel much other than the scars will always be there.

Am I 100% healed? No. But honestly, I never will be. Iíll never be the same as I was pre Dday. My eyes will always be wide open. The fact a human being can knowingly betray another human being and purposely hurt them and then have zero remorse and zero regret, will affect me forever. I trusted XWW with my life and she betrayed me in the most horrific way. I share 2 beautiful kids with XWW so she will always be a part of my life. As much as I want to ghost her ass I canít. It sucks but Iíve accepted it and I keep my contact with her to a minimum.

All I can say is life goes on...I know thats a shitty way to look at this whole thing but you gotta just move on. There will be many more happy and sad things that happen in life. For me, I try to just continually flood my kids with love and enjoy life. My parents are in their 70ís but are still healthy (overall) and my health is good. I try to remember that I should be thankful for these types of things. I have a great woman (gf) in my life. She loves me for me. Flaws and all. I will never get married again but all I can say is it eventually gets easier and life goes on. But that doesnít mean I will ever forget how XWW treated me (or our kids). I know its hard to pass these anniversaries and not go down the rabbit hole. Squid we are all here. Iím sorry bro.....be good to yourself! And yes I miss Ohfor tremendously too. Such a great friend I never met but feel like I knew him well

[This message edited by SuperDaddy1027 at 7:48 AM, December 11th (Wednesday)]

squid posted 12/12/2019 15:14 PM

Thanks, SD17.

My parents are in their 70ís but are still healthy (overall) and my health is good. I try to remember that I should be thankful for these types of things

My dad passing away this past October knocked me way down. This holiday season will be a somber one, but I know we'll find a way to celebrate.

We're gonna eat all of our feelings!

AbandonedGuy posted 12/12/2019 19:52 PM

My divorceaversary is in late February. No contact has been 14 months already. Time freakin flies! FREE! FREE AT LAST!

nothisfriend posted 12/13/2019 09:29 AM

Here's a funny story.

My BF is also a BS. When he attended his court hearing he sat down next to a woman and didn't realize it was his STBXW! She was wearing glasses, changed her hair and was looking away when he sat down. He could tell she was nervous but didn't look at her. When the clerk called their case and they both stood up he had a little freak out inside.

This is the time of year that all the facebook memories start popping up and sabotaging me. But, 4 years ago seems like a lifetime away and the future is so bright. Pretty soon you will be saying that also.

[This message edited by nothisfriend at 9:30 AM, December 13th (Friday)]

Simplicity posted 12/13/2019 12:06 PM

As facebook memories pulls pics with just my XH or me and my XH, I often delete it as I see them. Then they are gone. At the beginning I was loathe to throw them away, wondering if I would regret it. Now I don't, and once they're gone you won't think of it again.
The problem are the ones other people tagged, or great group photos. Wish I could just cut him out of those!

squid posted 12/13/2019 14:05 PM

Yeah, my Facebook memories are brutal.

thebighurt posted 12/21/2019 22:53 PM

You have come a long way in that year, Squid. That new normal takes a long time for most of us on this side of it, especially, and more so when we have children to help navigate it, too.

This past Thanksgiving was our first holiday spent as a broken family and that was tough. I was with my kids at our family's big annual gathering and we had a blast. But back in my mind I was somehow feeling guilty because XWW wasn't there (certainly wasn't invited) and I even felt bad that she was by herself. What the hell is wrong with me??
I hear you about that first holiday, Squid. Thanksgiving was our first one as a broken family, too, and only a couple of months after the shock of DDay. xpos was not invited to the gathering of me, our kids and grandkids, nor was he wanted there. He blew a big fit all over FB because one of the kids posted how glad that the family could gather at their house for it. xpos angrily posted that the family was NOT getting together because he and the slut (his word for such a woman) were told they were not wanted. Became a horrible public FB drama.

Only one of the three kids had met the slut by Thanksgiving and didn't like her or the whole situation and told him so. The others were not really talking to him, but all their phones jangled the whole weekend with texts from him that were mostly ignored. He put a pall over the time together, but we still managed to joke around and enjoy it for the most part in spite of how hard he tried to keep us from it.

As far as FB memories popping up, I have not posted on there in a years and have not even looked at it, so nothing to trigger anything.

And, Squid, you are a much better person than I (nothing wrong with YOU) if you felt anything for your WW missing the gathering because I was just happy and relieved that I did not have to see him or be in his presence. I did, however, get a call that he and slut tried to break into the house for which I had use at that time and he knew I was away for the weekend with our kids and their families.

I hope your Christmas brings family together and 2020 is good to you - and all of us.

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