This is your tag line:
"Those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing."
I, myself never hid anything, yet obviously and sadly many did the opposite. I will assume that your past experience of infidelity was made aware to your current SO/husband. Forgive me if that assumption is incorrect.
And so- assuming that your current partner was aware of your past hurt, "why" did it take you to play detective (which in itself sucks for obvious reasons) before he attempted to keep it under wraps per se? When someone gets caught, there is always that "tug" between a faithful partner and the proverbial "cake and eat it too".
And that is the crux of many situations- the audacity to think that you can simply get something on the side and as long as no one knows about it, it's 'cool".
And this is in contrast to your tag line."if" he had nothing to hide, then you would not have inadvertently found out otherwise. I have been through a similar situation, therefore I feel so badly for you. Trust. A most important factor in any relationship. Not blind thinking most likely. I'm sure with your past you must have developed a red flag radar.It seems that you did so.
I guess it boils down to this...are you willing to doubt even more than the first time? Or- are you trust worthy of the relationship- especially after being burned before.
Human nature sometimes avoids any logic...our hearts always want to believe that surely, this was a mistake. There is no template that suits everyone...no criteria that suddenly tells us to to run or stay. And understandably, many reasons why that is so- "because" we are all different.
I guess- in my sincere opinion, you have to decide if you're worth more than this. People become afraid of the future and that's understandable. Myself- I was burned and after a bit, I decided that perhaps it was simply a bad choice and unfair to lump everyone in the same category. I refused to lose that trust element.
But like yourself, I got burned again...with a person who was cheated on...a person I was convinced that she would never inflict the same pain done to her. Sadly, she never learned that lesson and cast me aside after 7 years and after the lies, she abruptly replaced me.. Deja Vu all over again.
And since that second betrayal- again...someone who was cheated on as well, I have taken the sad and easy road. No inclination to not gamble anymore. MY choice.
I get it when there are children involved. If I were the woman in a precarious situation, I'd be anxious and fearful about the future. And I'm sure that with many, this fear at times overtakes any reason.
So...I guess- as with so many people who have been thrust into a situation that they unfairly have been presented in, try to step back and weigh (I know, it's not easy) not only any children, but your attempt at happiness. Life isn't easy, but at the same time some people make it much harder than it should be:)
I wish you strength and above all, a time where you will realize that you're worth a decency that most people simply do not get.