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Is he the pot or the kettle?

UneedToSmile posted 12/26/2019 07:14 AM

So the kids and I spent Christmas with poor, lonely WH. He really wants his wife and kids back (first laughable moment). He called 2 days before Christmas and vowed to do what I wanted to get me back home. As you all know, I needed one simple thing....no contact with AP. My daughter spied on his phone one day and found out he’s still friends with her on Snapchat. I did not ask my 16 yo to do this, but she told me that AP was saved under the name of one of his dear friends that died in a tragic accident a few years back. I told him how disgusting that was, and he agreed. He was deleting her. Yesterday was uneventful enough, until the kids and I left. As soon as we got in the car, my 16 yo said she spied again and AP is still on there, still saved under the dead friend’s name, AND that he messaged her yesterday! He said to her, “I’d be a jerk if I didn’t tell you Merry Christmas.” And he then proceeded to small talk. I confronted him with it. And while he was legitimately floored that I knew so many details, he denied!!! He figured out how I got the info and is now mad at his daughter for being dishonest and looking on his phone. Please feel free to roll on the floor laughing. She broke his trust! (I know....try to catch your breath). He told he he’s going to shut 16 yo’s phone off because of it. I told him to go ahead. He said he wouldn’t because he doesn’t want to hurt me. 😂😂😂 can a person be any more of a twat waffle than that?! How does he not see his part in this and that she was (and we were) betrayed first? I have told her to stay off of his phone, for many reasons.....1)he’s pissed and he’ll take it out on her. 2) I need no more evidence, even without his phone is enough 3)he has basically disowned her because he got caught.

Anyway, it just proves I was smart to move out. He can’t be trusted at all. He can disown all of my kids, that’s fine. Apparently she’s more important.

3greatkids posted 12/26/2019 08:10 AM

That’s so damaging for a child to feel they need to supervise an adult’s destructiveness. And what a jerk to be angry with her! A cheating mindset is mind boggling with the mental gymnastics to have zero introspection and accountability as a grown adult.

My 15 year old dd is suicidal, but her cheating POS father thinks counseling will fix her so he can keep on being his destructive self.

It’s ridiculous.

fareast posted 12/26/2019 09:13 AM

I am very sorry to see your dd caught in the crossfire of your WH’s infidelity. He should be apologizing to her for his behavior and expressing his shame for his actions. He is incapable of doing that. The defensiveness is strong in this one. My father was very much the same. I can offer that in hindsight your dd is better off knowing what her father is really like than not knowing. Be there for her. Get her counseling if she needs it. Move forward with your life. No contact is for the best. Good luck.

The1stWife posted 12/26/2019 10:12 AM

He’s delusional. He be urged he is smarter than you and your daughter.

It must really hurt his ego to be outsmarted by a teenager lol.

At least you have the truth. It’s better than what most of us deal/dealt with.

Hope the new year is better for you.

BearlyBreathing posted 12/26/2019 13:34 PM

Shaking my head. What a crappy father. I am so sorry for you and your DD.

At least she sees him very clearly for the fool that he is.

Phoenix1 posted 12/26/2019 13:59 PM

When my oldest DD was 18 she found out her father was having an A with her BFF's mother. She confronted him (I still knew nothing) and threatened to tell me. He started trying to bribe her - fill her car with gas, extra spending money, etc.

The only reason she didn't tell me right away is because she was afraid of hurting me, and she hoped her father would end the A.

Eventually, she came to me because the guilt of not telling me was eating her alive. Yes, she was enjoying the bribes (she was 18, who wouldn't at that age?), but she knew it was wrong.

Afterwards, her father turned on her because she broke his trust.

Pot, meet kettle...

Waywards hold an entirely skewed version of things while stuck in that mindset. Up is down, and down is up.

UneedToSmile posted 12/26/2019 18:47 PM

I actually felt uneasy that she had done that. I felt like her spying was going to come back on all of us, and maybe it will. But today feels different....like there’s another nail in the coffin. He is acting like he’s so depressed, but invited us over for pizza! We declined. He has been texting and sending pictures to let us know just how alone he is. WHY does he not understand that he caused and IS causing this?

While I hate that some of your children have experienced similar things, I’m also a little relieved. I always felt that I didn’t do enough to keep them away from the situation, but no matter how hard I try, they ARE involved. It breaks my heart that he’s not the dad he should be for them. My own dad is amazing and I can’t imagine growing up with any other type of dad than that.😢

Overcomer1 posted 12/27/2019 22:41 PM

This must be a teenage daughter thing. My daughter was 16 when she suspected my STBXWH’s affair. She didn’t tell me or confront him, though. Fast forward to after I found out and she was all mad that he wouldn’t stop openly talking to the other woman, trying to “untie knots.” She took my WH’s phone apart while he was sleeping and hid the parts! He was furious when he found out. He went on a rampage and destroyed her things, threw things around the house. Made her hold a knife against him and told her to kill him, while my other kids watched! Then, when he tried to leave to go talk to this woman after he did this, she got in his car; then she blocked his way to leave our driveway. She was going to force him to listen to her! My daughter told him he made an idol out of this woman and he had to stop. He ended up staying home and sitting my oldest kids down for a “talk” on how he was having a hard time making a choice. He told them he felt he had obligations to this woman. Blah. Blah. Blah. What about his promises and commitments to me and his family? These waywards are all crazy in the head. It’s like all the lying they do, all the times they live selfishly they kill their consciences, and they have no ability to see the depths of damage they have done. My kids are so messed up because of him, and he thinks all is well.

UneedToSmile posted 12/28/2019 07:13 AM

I agree Overcomer. It is so plain to see for everyone except them. Why do we even allow them to have a decision? Why should they be allowed to have any say in what happens with the kids when they basically have no regard for anyone except themselves and the whore who helped destroy a family? I agree....no existing conscience anymore.

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