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Christmas Eve D-Day

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The1stWife posted 1/19/2020 07:15 AM

I've got the texts with the d##k pix that I didn't want to see and the messenger chats with BFF laying out the whole timeline of the affair.

Excellent evidence for the lawsuit against the AP for alienation of affection.

heartbrokeninNC posted 1/19/2020 08:45 AM

I'm keeping those close to the chest right now. WW has no idea of the storm that is about to happen. I used this weekend of her little out of town tryst to do some intel gathering and it is some great intel.

Marz posted 1/19/2020 09:18 AM

Hard no contact. Itís important you start detaching.

heartbrokeninNC posted 1/19/2020 09:26 AM

As soon as she walks into the door, telling her to turn right back around and GTFO. She can grab clothes, toiletries and makeup which is about it.

Marz posted 1/19/2020 09:33 AM

Legally you canít force her out so be careful.

Restraining orders filled against the BS in these situations happen all the time. You donít want removed from your home. Donít think it canít happen.

I would remove all her stuff from your bedroom. Do it neatly packed in boxes etc.

Use the cool calm focused approached. Anger will just give her ego kibbles and let her know you still care.

[This message edited by Marz at 9:34 AM, January 19th (Sunday)]

Newlifeisgreat posted 1/19/2020 09:33 AM

Throw all her clothes, makeup, toiletries in trash bags and have them outside next to the door for her return.

Make sure you have a VAR on you when she returns

PassThis posted 1/19/2020 10:10 AM

heartbrokeninNC,

I get all the venting posted in your thread based upon you WW's despicable behavior. The depth of her betrayal rivals the Mariana Trench. I think you should feel free to vent all that you want ... and then some on this site.

I will only suggest that, since you are the honorable, decent man that you are (and you have nothing to prove), that you channel your inner Ohforanewme. I think that over the passage of time, you will be more proud of (and she will be more shamed by) the way that you handled a shitty situation if you do it with dignity. Do not let her drag you down to her level (not that you could ever go so low).

For your convenience:

From Ohforanewme's profile:

I have never felt such intense furry, hurt and worthlessness in my entire life. It was only the ďstiff upper lipĒ Anglo-Saxon cultural programming embedded deep in my DNA that prevented me from assaulting her, smashing things or screaming, but she says that she has never seen me that angry Ėever, and it was the first time in her life that she was afraid in my presence. In a cold as steel whisper I called her a whore and a slut, (on a side note, I saw in one of the other forums WW discussing the hurt they felt when called that by their BHís. My time on SI has been limited but I find it quite incredulous that the hurt done to them by this word is so great that it becomes a topic of conversation for them. It becomes ever clearer to me that the WSs cannot even begin to conceive the hurt that they have inflicted on an innocent party (you will remember what I was looking for when I found this community) but they then feel entitled to, as guilty as sin deceivers, feel hurt at a word said in utter anguish. My WW certainly met all the requirements for me to call her a whore. In the one incidence that came out through the disclosure phase it was apparent that she followed the scrip of Julia Stiles in the series ďBlueĒ where Stiles plays the part of a high end hooker, to the letter, only difference is my WW didnít take the $600 dollars at the end of the evening. Yes her actions were those of a whore, just a very cheap one. Also if the actions of my WW are not the perfect definition of a slut then what would it be?)

I wanted her out of my house, out of my life, out of my family! But I wanted to protect my precious kids. ... We cancelled all social contact and engagement, took turns in attending school functions so that I did not have to be with her. Even this was too much contact and I wanted her out .... She moved into a hotel far enough away that the kids or friends would not bump into her.

You will leave a lasting impression on her, and your children, your family and friends, and there will be no doubt that you are a stand-up, classy, and worthy guy. To hell with her.

Sending strength and support.

[This message edited by PassThis at 10:12 AM, January 19th (Sunday)]

heartbrokeninNC posted 1/19/2020 11:40 AM

Make sure you have a VAR on you when she returns.

Just went out and picked it up. Quite easy to setup and very small.

PassThis, thank you so much for the support. The hurt and the betrayal is very deep but have to stay strong for the kids. They ARE watching me. I've vowed not to come down to her level but I do show the pain and hurt at times. This whole situation has given me a clarity of purpose that I did not know existed.

BeyondRage posted 1/19/2020 11:49 AM

Heartbroken

You say when she returns you are throwing her out. Not a bad idea but I am not sure you can legally do that if she refuses to leave immediately.

just hoping you do not let her actions get you in any legal trouble. You can certainly demand she leave, but if she refuses not sure what you can do.

heartbrokeninNC posted 1/19/2020 11:52 AM

I'm going to tell her that she needs to leave after that it's anybodies guess as to what she will do.

MickeyBill2016 posted 1/19/2020 11:55 AM

I guess legally you can't "throw her out" but if you pack her bags for her when she gets home, "strongly suggesting" she finds another place to stay for a while is ok.

At the minimum, move all her stuff out of your bedroom (guest room, basement?)and put a lock on the door and tell her you fear for your safety as you don't know what she is capable of (with VAR running)

Just keep your cool, let her explode. Go punch the wall later .

[This message edited by MickeyBill2016 at 11:56 AM, January 19th (Sunday)]

Shockedmom posted 1/19/2020 12:12 PM

Get a second VAR to keep on your person at all times. False DV claims are common so please protect yourself. Cover any light source on the VAR as well. Use long lasting batteries.

PassThis posted 1/19/2020 13:58 PM

You can tell her, in the cold steel whisper, that she is not welcome. She has terminated you as her husband and now you owe her nothing, and will give her no time, no attention, no support, no favors, nothing. (Except for matters regarding the children).

heartbrokeninNC posted 1/19/2020 16:23 PM

Told her I wanted her out and flat out said no. I will be talking with lawyer this week. I had the VAR on when it was going down.

PassThis posted 1/19/2020 16:26 PM

When she tries to engage with you bring to your mind Rhett's parting words to Scarlett, "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn."

Marz posted 1/19/2020 16:50 PM

Learn to ignore and just walk away.

Thatís called respecting yourself.

BeyondRage posted 1/19/2020 16:50 PM

You do not need an lawyer to close the joint credit cards and take 1/2 of the liquid assets.

You need to be sure you do not do anything foolish but that does NOT mean you need to make it any more pleasant for her than she is making it for you.

fareast posted 1/19/2020 16:59 PM

You are doing great. Marz has given you excellent advice. Do the hard 180. You do nothing for her. No cooking. No errands. No laundry. You do it for you and your kids. Do not engage. Have her put things in writing by email to communicate if she becomes difficult and pushy. Get that separation process started. Keep going.

KingofNothing posted 1/19/2020 17:27 PM

Told her I wanted her out and flat out said no. I will be talking with lawyer this week. I had the VAR on when it was going down

I could have seen that coming. She is clueless.

Iím not sure what your rights are to evict her. Be careful about this. I assume you havenít filed for the separation process yet. If you have started the one year separation clock, you might have the weight of the law with you. Bump this up in priority, and definitely work the financials. Before she ruins you. You know she will. She can go live with her BFF I guess.

Look up divorcenet, then North Carolina by state.

Marz posted 1/19/2020 17:36 PM

She is an entitled princess.

I can blatantly cheat, rub it in your face and youíll take it because Iím such a prize.

Nope, you are the prize not her.

However, with these type of people you can talk, try and reason until youíre blue in the face and it doesnít matter. About all youíll do is waste your time/life on what? Nothingness.

Stop talking. Get moving forward. Itís your only good option.

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