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Christmas Eve D-Day

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Fife posted 1/22/2020 07:38 AM

My goal is not to feed her ego kibbles but to make her squirm.

NO. Your goal is to heal yourself and move away from infidelity. If she squirms, and that becomes no concern of yours, then you're doing it right. That is what the 180 is all about.

[This message edited by Fife at 7:38 AM, January 22nd (Wednesday)]

ShutterHappy posted 1/22/2020 08:24 AM

The kids will not go with her, DD15 is already having a hard time with her. DS17 is feeling very betrayed and will hardly talk with her. He already hates the POSOM.

In the long run, your children may not want to talk to her anymore or.... they may want to talk to her again. Thatís ok too.

Your D day is not long ago. I would say that, eventually, what is best for YOU is not having a lot of hate towards the XWW, but rather indifference. The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference.

My opinion is that if I spend years and years hating the XWW, she wins. If I become indifferent and I go on with my life, make myself happy again, then I win.

heartbrokeninNC posted 1/22/2020 08:38 AM

Thanks, ShutterHappy!!

The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference.

That is exact way I feel right now and I will definitely not let her win in the long run. WW is broken in so many ways.

heartbrokeninNC posted 1/22/2020 12:49 PM

I'm going to have her served at work but playing the informing his family close to the chest.

KingofNothing posted 1/22/2020 14:17 PM

what is best for YOU is not having a lot of hate towards the XWW, but rather indifference. The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference.

My opinion is that if I spend years and years hating the XWW, she wins. If I become indifferent and I go on with my life, make myself happy again, then I win.

This is SUCH good advice. I spent three YEARS hating my WW. Three years of feeling angry all the time, useless and self destructive. I didn't like that me at all. It's going to be hard to get there and perfectly natural to hate her for a while, buy you have to move past that for yourself and your kids.

heartbrokeninNC posted 1/22/2020 14:41 PM

I'm too the point where I just stopped worrying about her. Last night was the first night where she didn't bother me at all. Didn't give a shit where she was texting POSOM, the more evidence she gives the better. It's just plain indifference any more.

ShutterHappy posted 1/22/2020 14:53 PM

I'm too the point where I just stopped worrying about her.

It took me a long time to reach that point; you, sir, have my admiration.

Let me make a prediction: youíre going to be just fine

heartbrokeninNC posted 1/22/2020 17:13 PM

I'm still pissed and devastated but refuse to let her see that. Don't get me wrong it was there on D-Day but I've got to carry forward. I just want to get out of infidelity and I never believed for one minute that it would happen to me and the overwhelming heartache that comes with it. The mask of indifference will become a friend of mine towards the WW.

KingofNothing posted 1/23/2020 06:07 AM

What day is she going to be served?

You are making incredible progress on this thing. Great attitude, HB!

KingofNothing posted 1/23/2020 06:07 AM

repeat, sorry

[This message edited by KingofNothing at 6:08 AM, January 23rd (Thursday)]

heartbrokeninNC posted 1/23/2020 06:43 AM

Meet with the attorney this morning. Hopefully, I can have her served tomorrow at work. This will be the one month anniversary of D-Day.

WW is oblivious to the fact and still carrying on with POSOM while I data mine.

The other shoe is about to drop .

[This message edited by heartbrokeninNC at 6:46 AM, January 23rd (Thursday)]

Newlifeisgreat posted 1/23/2020 10:36 AM

How did the meeting go with the lawyer?

Hang in there and stay strong

TimSC posted 1/23/2020 10:53 AM

If you can manage it, have a meeting with your kids and let them know that you are having her served. Bringing them in on it before it happens so they are not shocked by her behavior after being served.

heartbrokeninNC posted 1/23/2020 12:03 PM

How did the meeting go with the lawyer?

Everything went good here. Discussed our options and went over Alienation of Affection along with Criminal Conversation which I have a strong case for. Also discussed the financial portion extensively. Will just need to come up with the cash to file the seperation.

Lawyer also stated that there would not be anything I could do to keep him from coming and helping my wife. Cannot take out a restraining order because there was no threat against me....yet.

[This message edited by heartbrokeninNC at 12:04 PM, January 23rd (Thursday)]

Newlifeisgreat posted 1/23/2020 13:51 PM

Glad that everything went so well with the lawyer.

Are you going to have any problem getting the money for the retainer and having them served?

HellFire posted 1/23/2020 13:59 PM

Have done a thorough background check on this guy? Predators like to prey on women with kids. If she's going to have this man around your children, you need to investigate him completely.

heartbrokeninNC posted 1/23/2020 14:15 PM

Are you going to have any problem getting the money for the retainer and having them served?

This is my concern right now. Tried to get at my 401k but can't do it since it is not hardship. Will have to pay installments.

Have done a thorough background check on this guy?

I've done a thorough background on him and he is definitely a widower. Saw the obituary of his late wife and he is mentioned.

If she's going to have this man around your children, you need to investigate him completely.

He will never be around DD15. My other 2 kids are DS17 and DD19.

[This message edited by heartbrokeninNC at 2:19 PM, January 23rd (Thursday)]

Marz posted 1/23/2020 20:12 PM

The only thing that may keep him at bay would be a really good dose of exposure to his family and friends

heartbrokeninNC posted 1/24/2020 08:38 AM

I'm to the point right now that she just has to go. The POSOM is calling her by his name now to add insult to injury. She definitely affair'd down. DD15 and Ds17 just want her gone.

Right now, trying to keep the loneliness away as that has been creeping in the last couple of days.

[This message edited by heartbrokeninNC at 8:40 AM, January 24th (Friday)]

KingofNothing posted 1/24/2020 09:58 AM

I'm to the point right now that she just has to go. The POSOM is calling her by his name now to add insult to injury. She definitely affair'd down. DD15 and Ds17 just want her gone.

Oooh I bet she's working on her own starry eyed lovers story right now! They were in lurvvvvv!!
I don't blame your kids for detesting her. How must this look to them right now? This is how adults are supposed to behave?

The loneliness will happen. It's way early to even address that but you will arrive at a point where you won't need another person to give yourself permission to be happy.

Based on your timeline, she's getting served today. Best of luck and fingers crossed! You got this! We're all rooting for you.

[This message edited by KingofNothing at 10:02 AM, January 24th (Friday)]

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