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Christmas Eve D-Day

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Marz posted 1/5/2020 11:45 AM

your best path is a hard 180 zero contact.

When they show you who they are itís in your best interest to believe them.

heartbrokeninNC posted 1/5/2020 12:30 PM

Don't hire a hot attorney. Get a shark.

The one I'm looking at is a shark also lol.

heartbrokeninNC posted 1/5/2020 12:32 PM

I hope youíve screenshotted the texts and saved them in a safe place. You donít have t prove anything at this juncture but they might come in handy when you try alienation of affection.

Yes, I have them in a safe place.

Currently working a full time job on top of what I bring in from my pension.

As for my older children they are from the same marriage. My 17 1/2 yo son is pissed beyond all hell and my 19yo daughter is out of the house.

[This message edited by heartbrokeninNC at 12:35 PM, January 5th (Sunday)]

Marz posted 1/5/2020 13:11 PM

Youíre doing well fro what youíve posted.

Much better than most.

Finances are very important so get all you can upfront.

You wonít get a second chance.

Hard no contact will bring you even more clarity

Good luck

heartbrokeninNC posted 1/5/2020 13:19 PM

Pretty much down to no contact. W is still blaming me for the affair and accusing me of alienation of affection since I didn't love her enough .She doesn't know the meaning.

Trying to stay strong for the kids but inside I'm a total wreck and trying not to show it outwards. Will not let it eat at me since I've done nothing wrong. Just need to push through the grief right now.

Really appreciate all the comments from everyone.

[This message edited by heartbrokeninNC at 1:24 PM, January 5th (Sunday)]

Thumos posted 1/5/2020 13:42 PM

1. Hard 180 - grey rock her.

2. Take off your ring

3. File for D, file for primary custody of your daughter, and alienation of affection lawsuit both - get a deposition from your daughter stating how she learned of affair and how it has impacted her.

4. Expose the affair to her family immediately and yours. If you attend a church expose to your pastor.

5. Expose to OMís girlfriend if he has one

6. Get an STD test

7. Separate your finances immediately.

8. Start getting the house ready to sell and put it on the market. Since she moved out she is giving up property rights and your attorney may be able to help with this.

TimSC posted 1/5/2020 15:26 PM

I too am on a government pension (not military).

I contact OPM.gov about my pension, not sure about military pensions or what office governs those. You should contact the governing body and ask about divorce rights.

I do know that she can be taken off any health benefits or insurance as a result of a life changing event and divorce is certainly that.

Contact the Veterans Admin and ask about her rights as a divorced spouse. Pretty sure infidelity on her part will not make a difference. But it is what it is and you should know what to expect.

Get that shark lawyer working on the civilian side.

Buffer posted 1/5/2020 20:04 PM

Not slinging mud but she is a disrespectful pig.
Change the internet and wifi passwords.
Being ex military gather intel on him, co-ordinate all assets then when D is served total scorched earth policy. It isnít over until you are standing on his hill waving your flag. The affair is the enemy. Like all engagements is over when the enemy is defeated.

One day at a time

Buffer

SnowToArmPits posted 1/5/2020 21:34 PM

That was courageous of your daughter to confront your wife. Give your daughter an extra hug today.

I agree with Marz, you're doing much better than most betrayed husbands who post here. You have clarity about your relationship, and just what a shit your wife is.

Stay strong and get her out of your life as soon as you can.

sassylee posted 1/5/2020 21:51 PM

Excuse the threadjack heartbrokeninNC but I wanted to clarify some misinformation shared upthread:

Kacciii,

In Canada, you must be separated for 12 months only if youíre using separation as grounds for divorce. If itís uncontested, a divorce can be granted in as little as 4 months.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 9:53 PM, January 5th (Sunday)]

heartbrokeninNC posted 1/6/2020 06:12 AM

Being ex military gather intel on him, co-ordinate all assets

Already have the intel on him and in a safe place. This has become a full on mission. The interwebs are great for this.

DD wants to call him and give him her mind but I've told her not do that instead confront the bastard when he is with the WW eventually.

KingofNothing posted 1/6/2020 06:43 AM

Youíre handling this like a boss, HB, and three cheers for your daughter for speaking up about this. She knew the consequences would not be pretty but she had the courage to proceed. Wrong is just wrong sometimes.

DD wants to call him and give him her mind but I've told her not do that instead confront the bastard when he is with the WW eventually

I know you will see this EXPOSE her advice all over the place. Itís tempting to go on FB and post ďmy cheating whore of a wife is sleeping with XĒ, but that can be counter productive in a state with a one year separation period. Plenty of time for the other party to get vindictive and sabotage you out of spite, before everything is finalized. Keep it to the circle of people who need to know, as in your family, her family, pastor, mutual friends etc. You donít her any special consideration about withholding truth. Donít lie for her, but be judicious so you can maximize the best financial outcome.

Confrontation with the AP will do nothing much for you, except maybe verify a few things. Heís a scumbag, true. You donít owe him anything. However, he might not know you are married. Hey, itís possible she lied to him, too. Yet, ultimately, he didnít betray you. He doesnít know you from Adam. He just took advantage of what was offered. Your wife made that conscious choice about your wedding vows, not him. I predict he will block you on everything and file for harassment if you push it. That doesnít mean donít find out everything you can on him.

heartbrokeninNC posted 1/6/2020 07:03 AM

Absolutely agree @KingofNothing but I like to put a face to the name of the guy that is doinking my W. Currently beyond pissed because she told him she was married. W actively sought out the affair.

[This message edited by heartbrokeninNC at 7:08 AM, January 6th (Monday)]

fooled13years posted 1/6/2020 07:16 AM

heartbrokeninNC

She has already taken her ring off and put it away. Still keeping mine on but it is getting harder by the day

That's okay that she has removed her ring and you keep yours on.

The ring is simply an external symbol of an interior state.

She killed her marriage when she lied and cheated.

For her to argue alienation of affection when she is having sex with another man is just another play out of the cheaters handbook.

She DXed the marriage not anything you did.

Hang tough

Dismayed2012 posted 1/6/2020 09:53 AM

My wife sought out the affair too heartbroken. The OM knew she was married; the difference was that he was married also. I never saw him as the bad guy. He didn't pursue, he just accepted the offer. I still can't believe how stupid she is, but that's another story. In every case it's the woman that makes the final decision to spread her legs. If the man isn't in jail for rape then the woman is the destroyer. I wish the best for you and your kids. I support you moving forward with your divorce. It sounds like your wife wants it badly so she can play the whore full-time. Continue to work-out and eat healthy. Make sure that the divorce agreement dissolves any and all personal commitments aside from her paying you if your lawyer can make that happen. Take care of yourself.

heartbrokeninNC posted 1/6/2020 11:21 AM

Thanks Dismayed2012!! W is absolutely not ashamed by it at all, in fact she kinda smirks at it when I bring it up. I'm to the point where the OM can have her but she reaped the hurricane and I have to do something as the kids are watching.

Westway posted 1/6/2020 14:12 PM

I'm glad you have found your anger and are taking steps to protect yourself and your kids. I really do not understand what the hell is going on with people and our society anymore, where a WW like yours can so brazenly flaunt her affair in your face and her children's'. She is doing irreparable damage to her relationship wit her kids, and one day down the road they will want nothing to do with her.

But she will blame her isolation on you too. Get used to the idea of you being her Trump. Everything bad that happens to her life after this point will be your fault.

Tigersrule77 posted 1/6/2020 14:25 PM

Clearly your WW is showing no respect to you, your feelings, or your M. As such, you no longer should be taking any steps to protect her from any of the blowback from her actions.

Hopefully your attorney can give you good advice to protect yourself and any assets as best as possible.

heartbrokeninNC posted 1/6/2020 14:49 PM

Everything bad that happens to her life after this point will be your fault.

It's been like that for years and is one of the reasons I'm getting out. She just gave me a better reason.

anoldlion posted 1/7/2020 01:58 AM

I am also retired military (Army). I have a point of advice. Be sure to protect your military retirement. In the settlement, have her give up all claim to your retirement. Even if she makes more than you presently, giving up a claim on your military retirement will ensure that if she falls flat on her face after the divorce she won't come back and try to lay claim to half. Foregoing alimony from her in exchange of no claim on your retirement would be a good exchange. I do wish you well.

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