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Christmas Eve D-Day

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heartbrokeninNC posted 1/24/2020 10:02 AM

Was wanting to do that today but do not have the $$$ to give the lawyer for the Separation Agreement. I've got to push it back. Need the money to go see my eldest daughter graduate from Boot Camp. This is what has me depressed right now. I just want her out of the house yesterday.

Newlifeisgreat posted 1/24/2020 10:09 AM

How much do you need?

Is there a friend or family member you can borrow it from?

I wish there was some way to help guys in your situation. Hell? Iím sure every man that has been cheated on would throw some money into that hat

heartbrokeninNC posted 1/24/2020 10:18 AM

The loneliness will happen. It's way early to even address that but you will arrive at a point where you won't need another person to give yourself permission to be happy.

I'm just extremely pissed that she has someone to break her fall but I just keep reminding myself he is definitely a step down and broken just like her.


Is there a friend or family member you can borrow it from?

I'll be paying it installments. Shit is expensive!!

I don't blame your kids for detesting her.

Haven't told them that she asks POSOM how his daughter is doing. She could careless about her own.

I've got to stop reading their texts back and forth. Me thinks it is triggering the loneliness and depression.

[This message edited by heartbrokeninNC at 10:33 AM, January 24th (Friday)]

DoinBettr posted 1/24/2020 12:03 PM

I know online legal working for yourself is frowned on here, but have you thought about looking into filing a separation agreement you find online.
It sounds like you aren't rolling in it, so you will have less property to split up unless I am reading this wrong.
The family court can be a 50/50 split and if you both sign and file your own divorce papers, you can be done with minimal fighting. Just saying, my friend she just divorced her husband and they pretty much just agreed on things and eventually filed, no kids, it took 1 document they filled out online and it was done.
Just making sure you weigh your options.

heartbrokeninNC posted 1/24/2020 12:08 PM

I've got it but it will take me a bit to get it organized. I've thought about the online thing but knowing how WW is I figured I would do it the right way. WW has a habit of making shit really difficult.

I really don't have much property except for 2 cars and her credit debt.

[This message edited by heartbrokeninNC at 12:14 PM, January 24th (Friday)]

DoinBettr posted 1/24/2020 12:33 PM

I really don't have much property except for 2 cars and her credit debt.

I agree with the difficult thing.
The other part is, if she takes both cars and makes you pay the debt, is it more or less than the lawyers. Just saying, weigh what you are losing against the cost.
Plus, once your youngest is 16, they can choose who they want to live with.
Spousal support would be the only real challenge from what I see.

nothisfriend posted 1/24/2020 12:40 PM

I've got to stop reading their texts back and forth. Me thinks it is triggering the loneliness and depression.

The best thing I did was 3 days after D-Day got him to leave the house and stay somewhere else so I couldn't read his text messages anymore. He didn't know I was reading them and I hadn't confronted him yet. He was the poor victim but inside he was giddy to go stay at a friend's vacation home so he could play house with OW. Once I broke the chain of reading those messages I could focus on what tasks would move me forward.

heartbrokeninNC posted 1/24/2020 12:44 PM

Hopefully, she does not go this route and would take away my way to make a living. With a lawyer I can assure that I come out of this fine. Most of the credit debt is her's that she ran up.

DD will be around 17 when the D becomes final and she stated that she wants to stay with me. She's been hanging around me a lot since D-Day.

heartbrokeninNC posted 1/24/2020 12:52 PM

Thanks nothisfriend. I'm going to put the iPad away, already have all the evidence I need along with a timeline. No sense in letting it be all consuming since it is only going to drag me down with it. My happiness demands it and I need to be there for the kids.

ohsospecial posted 1/24/2020 13:19 PM

HBNC,
Congratulations on your daughterís boot camp graduation. She must be one tough young woman!

Re: 401(k). Are you not able to take out a loan against it, not just take money outright? Might consider that.

I agree 100% with using a lawyer, despite the cost. And, if you are able to get a finding of Alienation of Affection and Criminal Conversation, maybe you can compel POSOM to pay at least half the legal bills at settlement.

And WTH with him calling her with HIS name?!? That doesnít look good for him, either, in the divorce proceedings.

Your daughterís graduation is worth the delay. You are a great dad.

heartbrokeninNC posted 1/24/2020 13:33 PM

Re: 401(k). Are you not able to take out a loan against it, not just take money outright? Might consider that.

Checked on it yesterday and it was for hardship and legal was not an option. Might try some other avenue with it. Currently looking into taking out a loan against the 401k for the amount of the fee right now.

And, if you are able to get a finding of Alienation of Affection and Criminal Conversation, maybe you can compel POSOM to pay at least half the legal bills at settlement.

Me and atty discussed this yesterday and the only thing that would derail the AOA/CC would be him declaring bankruptcy and never seeing a dime.

And WTH with him calling her with HIS name?!? That doesnít look good for him, either, in the divorce proceedings.

He absolutely crazy in my mind and both are acting foolishly. DD15 and DS17 are absolutely appalled by this and are acting more mature than WW.

[This message edited by heartbrokeninNC at 1:39 PM, January 24th (Friday)]

Newlifeisgreat posted 1/24/2020 13:58 PM

Just keep reminding yourself why the divorce will cost so much...... itís because it is worth it!!!!

BeyondRage posted 1/24/2020 14:10 PM

Heartbroken,

I understand about putting the I Pod away to stop being hurt, but it also gives you REAL time knowledge in case she tries any surprises.

Id' think twice about that.

heartbrokeninNC posted 1/24/2020 14:43 PM

It's still plugged up but I've got it underneath my desk between the file cabinet. Currently doing data dumps about 1 every few hours. Still have access to it. I don't think she is going to try anything it's him that I'm worried about since he has her on a pedestal.

[This message edited by heartbrokeninNC at 2:46 PM, January 24th (Friday)]

KingofNothing posted 1/31/2020 12:05 PM

HB: I hope the graduation was a blast. Congrats to your eldest and thank her for her service for me. I was wondering if there was anything new to report?

heartbrokeninNC posted 1/31/2020 14:45 PM

I hope the graduation was a blast.

Eldest DD graduates this next Friday 2/7 and we'll be heading up to see her. As for everything on the homefront, WW has stopped texting POSOM and all contact with him is nothing but a trickle. She was down for the flu in the last week and he was not anywhere around which kind of broke her out of her 'fog'. Went ahead and did some research on limerence and WW is in the last phase (Phase 3) and coming out of it. Hopefully, POSOM does not drag her back in since he is still limerent for her. This was a text book limerence affair with a mid life crisis thrown in for good measure.

Other than that I've been taking care of myself working out a lot and the household.

[This message edited by heartbrokeninNC at 2:47 PM, January 31st (Friday)]

Buffer posted 2/3/2020 05:51 AM

Stay strong brother, do what is right for you and the children. Worst case scenario, have the old crew around and spin some old navy yarns, that should boost yourself esteem and be demoralising to WW. She would know the language!

Buffer

heartbrokeninNC posted 2/3/2020 06:53 AM

Staying strong here Buffer everything that is going on here is just weird. WW and her conscience is really messing with her I think but could be wrong. She is still texting POSOM but not for hours on end like before. Working on myself here and charging through the day just to keep the mind movies out of my head.

[This message edited by heartbrokeninNC at 6:54 AM, February 3rd (Monday)]

Newlifeisgreat posted 2/3/2020 06:58 AM

They deserve each other!!!

Stick to your plan. Jettison the garbage and move on towards a better life!!!


Stay strong! You got this!!!!

heartbrokeninNC posted 2/4/2020 06:52 AM

Staying strong here!!! Thanks Buffer and Newlifeisgreat. POSOM is dragging her back in .

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